Cruel and Unusual Punishment

by Swan 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Solace


    I dont know what to say.

  • LB

    Guess I was lucky Berten.

    I still have her pics put away. I get sad every time I think of her passing away.

    But then there is my sister. I wont miss her a bit.

  • Celia

    Berten ! I am so sorry !

    What did she do to you ?

  • ugg

    no religion should seperate families.....that is just so sad,,,,yet so common.....give her a call....

    many hugs to you.....

  • Mary

    Hi Tammy;

    I'm so sorry to hear your plight. The reason your mother has apparently chosen the Borg over you, is because the JWs twist the scriptures and they always use the one where Jesus said "anyone who puts father or mother or brother or sister ahead of me is not worthy of me."

    In other words, they have your mother convinced that if she associates with you, and puts you ahead of THEM, then she'll die at the Big A.

    I'm sure you mother does still loves you and probably thinks about you every day. Perhaps you could suggest a relationship whereby you don't talk about the religion, see if she's receptive to that at all.

    Take Care

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Tammy, I'm so sorry that you have to experience such a sad separtion from your mother. It just isn't easy.

    My mother used to call me "Poo." I do think of her when my memory is triggered, but know she has made her choice to continue shunning me, so I no longer go out of my way to contact her. Yet for years after my df, she was the one always there for me. Yeah, mom's.

    Now that I'm the grandmother what saddens me more then our disassociation is the fact that she has never, NEVER, tried to see her great grandchildren...even when they lived a few blocks away from each other.

    I cried a million tears for too many years over the loss of my family...and ya know what? it never erases the pain totally. I sound harsh and mean at times, but within my heart, of course I love and miss the only family I once ever knew - no matter how dysfunctional we all were.

    But really I need too clarify; what I miss is the "idea" of the family. I really do not miss the JW family as they are. If that makes sense to you. I can miss alot of "ideas" about things; but my life is ok without them. It had to be. It was no other way. A mutual decision. They "shun" me, I leave them alone.

    And I'm eternally grateful through the many tears that they have no access to my grandchildren. I might forgive, but I don't forget.

    My love to you,

    Granny Linda

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Wanted to add a p.s.

    My mom had an 'evil' eye. Weird. She could just look a certain way at people and you knew there was absolutely no love in her heart. Sometimes I'm capable of that, too. UGH! When daughter-in-law came up with the first baby for a week's visit, we were going through family pics and I came across one of my mom with that infamous look. I immediately took it to the kitchen sink and burned the damn thing. The last feature to dissolve into ashes was her "evil" eye. Daughter in-law might have thought I was a tad crazy at the time, but I never did like that picture and was glad to be rid of it.

    My mother was in some respects, abusive. She definetly had her hands full with all of us kids, but that filthy religion kept/keeps her enslaved and unhappy. That's another reason I don't go out of my way to contact her...she is one of the most negative people to try and talk with. And I have no doubt that should she pass before me the siblings will be hard pressed to invite me to any service. And shoud it be that way, so be it. Standing up for one's personal convictions requires courage...something JW's no little about.

    Again, my love


  • DJ


    Oh how well I can relate to that! It really hurts. Reach out to her.....take Simon's advice. Never give up telling her that you love and miss her. I really believe that deeeeeep inside all of the dubdom, somewhere there is your mama. If she shows you hate just give her love. It'll take time and patience but it will work out if you persist. If it means that much to you, don't give up. Pray for her and for yourself to have the wisdom to handle yourself and the love of Christ to deal with her. It will work out.

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((tammy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love, dj

  • berten

    >Berten ! I am so sorry !
    >What did she do to you ?

    Without going into detail,I would say she was very
    manipulative,overprotective,and had an extremely negative
    view on anything sexual.And her being a hardcore Jaydub made
    things worse obviously.
    There was no physical abuse at all,it all happened
    on a psychological level.That's why - looking back on life with her -
    I stated that the best thing she ever did for me was to die...

  • Swan

    Thank you all for your posts and your concern. I have read them over and over and they are a comfort to me. It has been a very emotional time for me. I couldn't even respond to your posts until now. It just hurt to much to write anything else up unitl now.

    Simon, Mulan, Heaven, Been There, Safe4Kids, Minimus

    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I would love to call her, but they are vagabond retirees and I never know where they will be. I have a mail drop service that can be used to reach them, but they want to keep all contact as business only. Still, sending them a nice card every once in a while might help me, at least. And whereas they cannot contact me except for business, there is no law that says that I have to do the same, is there? Besides, I have evidence that there is a lot of business they have withheld from me. So why should I follow their rules when they don't.

    Post cards might also work well. And the nice thing about them is that it is out in the open for all to see and read the sentiment on the card.

    What do you think?


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