Cruel and Unusual Punishment

by Swan 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Swan

    I just woke up from a nap. In the dream I had, I was with my mother. I was talking with her. We talked about everyday things as we always had. She was so real. Then I woke up, and she was gone!

    Right now, I would do anything to be with her again. We were so close. I talked to her about so many things. She sang to me when I was little.

    You are my sunshine,
    My only sunshine,
    You make me happy,
    When the skies are gray,
    You'll never know dear,
    How much I love you,
    Please don't take my sunshine away.

    The other night dear,
    When I was sleeping,
    I dreamt I held you in my arms,
    But when I woke dear,
    I was mistaken,
    And I hung my head,
    And I cried.

    As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I think of how prophetic that song was of our relationship. Little did I know then that the love she sang of was very conditional love. How perverted and twisted for the wonderful love of a parent and child to be so cruelly twisted and withheld as the terrible punishment by a religious cult. How effective that punishment is! What kind of twisted minds could invent such a hideous psychological and emotional torture? What adds to the pain I feel right now is the fact that she too has suffered these last 8 years.

    Mom, if you somehow see these words, I love you very very much and unconditionally. I miss my Mom so much!


  • minimus

    Tammy, I feel so bad for you. You can only hope and pray that your mother will come to her senses. Even though you are hurt and stunned, remember your mother is your mother. Give her a little time to see what she's missing. Hopefully, she will have a change of heart....Mothers are like that.

  • Simon

    Why not call her up and just tell her that you love her and that you were thinking of how she used to sing to you.

    I'm sure it will mean a lot to her too.

  • Mulan

    Good advice, Simon. I was about to suggest the same thing.

    My youngest son used to sing that song when he was 3 and 4 years old. I get all teary thinking of it. He was so adorable. He still is, but he is 23 now. That's why I get teary.

    Tammie: Call your Mom, or if that is too emotionally hard for you to try, send her a card, with the words to the song on it. Tell her you love her, and always will, and that your love is unconditional, as always.

  • Solace


    Im so sorry!!

    This is so ironic because my grandfather used to sing that entire song to us kids all the time. He has since passed away and we miss him very much. I had forgotten all about the second verse of that song until after he had died because not many people include the second verse when singing it. I also dream of my grandparents. They look and act the same as when they were alive. For some reason none of my J.W. relatives dream about them. Im not sure what it means but I like to believe that it is their way of letting me know they are o.k. I think dreams can mean something. If you are still able to contact your mother than I would take the initiative while you still can.

    Edited by - heaven on 18 August 2002 17:21:40

  • Been there
    Been there

    Tammy, you made me cry.

    I agree with Simon, just call her, say you love her so much and miss her, need her.............. go on as long as she lets you before she hangs up. At least you got to tell her. She will feel it, I did.


    Don't give up. If you are dreaming it, it is probably bothering you so do what you can. Does she live close by? Maybe you could be a secret admirer and not let her know it's you. Keep her guessing but let her know she is loved by someone special.

  • safe4kids

    Wow ((((((UD))))) my mom used to sing that song to me when I was a small child. (I'm still a child, just not small any longer )

    I'm sorry that you've been so hurt by a screwed up religion, and I agree with the others that it would probably mean a lot to your mom to hear how that song reminds you of better times.

    My mother now has absolutely nothing to do with me but I sing that song to my children and at least know that I have broken the cycle of placing conditions on a parent's love for her children.


  • LB

    Yep my mom sang me that song almost daily. Whenever I was down she would sing it. Some good advise here, call mom. We all miss our moms when they pass away. No one else will ever love you as much. Mothers love is pretty special.

  • berten

    >...We all miss our moms when they pass away...

    Not me.

    The best ever thing she did for me was pass away...

  • Sentinel

    Hi Tammy,

    The song "You Are My Sunshine", is my favorite as well. My mother taught it to me when I was very small, and then I taught it to my son, who sang it to me at two years old!

    My son and I were reunited several years back and he got me a mother's day gift, a musical plaque, and yes, you guessed it, that is the melody it played. I cried tons of happy tears that day.

    Don't give up on the ones you love, especially your dear mother. She is in a lot of pain as well, but she believes she must endure and that she is being tested for her faith. My mother was estranged from me for twelve years. She was extremely stubborn, and I would call her and cry, and she wouldn't do or say anything. She would finally just say, "I can't talk to you" and hang up.

    This is what the borg does to families. It ripped us apart when we had been very close as mother and daughter. It is so unnatural and unloving. My mother told me later, that she was so very unhappy and depressed during our time apart. At one point, she told me that she had a nervous breakdown. I hate the society for doing this to her and to me. I hate them for doing it to you.

    One of my counselors advised me that I had to let go of her, which didn't mean to give up, but simply to get on with my life and accept things as they were. I did this and it broke my heart. But, as time went by, she softened and finally showed up to visit. That was in 1992, and we have been connected ever since. She won't speak about "the truth", or have any deep or meaningful conversations, but it's wonderful just to have her say anything to me. It's not all one-sided now.

    Be brave and be strong. Be good to yourself. Keep loving friends close. I will be thinking of you. Thank you for printing out all the words to the song.


Share this