I just woke up from a nap. In the dream I had, I was with my mother. I was talking with her. We talked about everyday things as we always had. She was so real. Then I woke up, and she was gone!
Right now, I would do anything to be with her again. We were so close. I talked to her about so many things. She sang to me when I was little.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When the skies are gray,
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.
The other night dear,
When I was sleeping,
I dreamt I held you in my arms,
But when I woke dear,
I was mistaken,
And I hung my head,
And I cried.
As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I think of how prophetic that song was of our relationship. Little did I know then that the love she sang of was very conditional love. How perverted and twisted for the wonderful love of a parent and child to be so cruelly twisted and withheld as the terrible punishment by a religious cult. How effective that punishment is! What kind of twisted minds could invent such a hideous psychological and emotional torture? What adds to the pain I feel right now is the fact that she too has suffered these last 8 years.
Mom, if you somehow see these words, I love you very very much and unconditionally. I miss my Mom so much!