Berten,
I understand how you must feel. I had a family member like that, and I'm glad he's gone. He brought nothing but pure emotional torture and heartache to our family. My heart goes out to you. Keep well and good luck to you.
Tammy
Cruel and Unusual Punishment
by Swan 26 Replies latest jw friends
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Swan
Mary,
I'm sure you mother does still loves you and probably thinks about you every day. Perhaps you could suggest a relationship whereby you don't talk about the religion, see if she's receptive to that at all.
I thank you for the suggestion. She however wants me to keep continue to keep my distance, as I have for the last eight years. Business only. While I would like to oblige her wishes out of respect, I feel it is no longer possible after several events have occurred. Therefore I will slowly work to remind them that they do have three children, not just two. Maybe eventually I will get to the place where I can suggest your alternative to her. I hope so. Thank you so much.
Tammy
Edited by - UglyDuckling on 19 August 2002 19:8:50
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Swan
Ugg wrote:
no religion should seperate families.....that is just so sad,,,,yet so common.....give her a call....
many hugs to you.....
Thanks for the hugs, and you are right. No religion should separate families. I guess that's another difference between a religion and a cult.
DJ wrote:
Never give up telling her that you love and miss her. I really believe that deeeeeep inside all of the dubdom, somewhere there is your mama. If she shows you hate just give her love. It'll take time and patience but it will work out if you persist. If it means that much to you, don't give up.
DJ, I know she is there somewhere, and I will keep showing her love. I am a very patient person. And if she dies before I get through to her, at least I will know I did something.
Thank you both.
Tammy
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Swan
Sentinel wrote:
Don't give up on the ones you love, especially your dear mother. She is in a lot of pain as well, but she believes she must endure and that she is being tested for her faith. My mother was estranged from me for twelve years. She was extremely stubborn, and I would call her and cry, and she wouldn't do or say anything. She would finally just say, "I can't talk to you" and hang up.
I did for a while because I was in such pain. It hurts to be abandoned by someone who you used to sing you that song as a child. I felt bitter and hurt, but then I began to understand more and accept.This is what the borg does to families. It ripped us apart when we had been very close as mother and daughter. It is so unnatural and unloving. My mother told me later, that she was so very unhappy and depressed during our time apart. At one point, she told me that she had a nervous breakdown. I hate the society for doing this to her and to me. I hate them for doing it to you.
I know it hurt her a lot too. My brother told me when I we ran across each other by chance one day and I accosted him about some money he owed me (family business). He of course blamed me for my Mom's grief, but I knew it was all a needless result of the silly rules of the JWs.One of my counselors advised me that I had to let go of her, which didn't mean to give up, but simply to get on with my life and accept things as they were. I did this and it broke my heart. But, as time went by, she softened and finally showed up to visit. That was in 1992, and we have been connected ever since. She won't speak about "the truth", or have any deep or meaningful conversations, but it's wonderful just to have her say anything to me. It's not all one-sided now.
That's great! With me, I was ignoring the issues, and it wasn't helping at all. Nightmares, depression, etc. Now my counselor is glad I am taking some action and addressing my issues. I have to be careful not to let this become my whole life, but a way for me to begin healing instead. If I do gain my mother back, how wonderful that would be, but if I don't, at least I will have felt that I did what I could. Is it tilting at windmills? Yes, perhaps.Be brave and be strong. Be good to yourself. Keep loving friends close. I will be thinking of you. Thank you for printing out all the words to the song.
Thank you too.
Tammy
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Mulan
Tammy, definitely do it! Send postcards and "thinking of you" cards. You are right..........you aren't under any such restriction. You can write her anytime you please. I recommend it.
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Swan
Dear Granny,
You wrote:
I cried a million tears for too many years over the loss of my family...and ya know what? it never erases the pain totally. I sound harsh and mean at times, but within my heart, of course I love and miss the only family I once ever knew - no matter how dysfunctional we all were.
But really I need too clarify; what I miss is the "idea" of the family. I really do not miss the JW family as they are. If that makes sense to you. I can miss alot of "ideas" about things; but my life is ok without them. It had to be. It was no other way. A mutual decision. They "shun" me, I leave them alone.
It makes perfect sense to me. My family was/is very dysfunctional too. Sometimes I think we make the Soparnos look like the Brady Bunch in comparison. But I have to try to remind them that I am here. I have to let them know that if they ever want to, need to leave the JWs, I will be there for them. It just isn't working for me the way it is now. Coming to this board and dealing with these issues is what is slowly bringing me out of a deep depression I have had now for the last year.
So maybe I am being selfish this way in trying to "rescue" my family. Maybe it is part of my own dysfunction. But I have to try because right now it seems to be the right thing to do, and the right time to try and do it.
Thank you so much for your words of comfort.
Tammy
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Swan
Thank you dear Mulan. They say that their religion is a religion of love. Well I happen to believe that love is the most powerful of all of the emotions. I intend to love them and love them and love them some more.
Tammy
Edited by - UglyDuckling on 19 August 2002 19:51:41
Edited by - UglyDuckling on 19 August 2002 19:53:25