I hate being a phoney!

by Matty 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  forgetmenot

  Yep. ~forgetmenot
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  Xander

  I would be interested in hearing about what you did when you were at the stage I'm in right now.

  Aside from here, do you have any friends that are not witnesses?

  You really need friends who aren't in order to have any real chance of getting out 'normal' - people you can fall back on who you know will still care for you regardless of your religious choices. Fortunately, there are lots of ways of meeting decent potential friends:

  1) Take classes at college. Don't know how UK colleges are, but here colleges and vocational school classes can be taken from junior-year high school (grade 11) up to, like, wherever.

  2) Volunteer at local community events / gardens / parks / etc. Little harder to sneak by the witness family (IE, difficult to justify preserving part of 'this old system') - maybe just explain you want to have practice restoring plants and such for the 'new system' . In any case, this is a great way to meet some truly wonderful people.

  3) Get a job! Especially in a retail position - you meet LOTS of people. Generally, you even become more or less friendly with some customers (who may end up deciding to work at your store and become real friends).
• 

  YoursChelbie

  ((((Matty))))

  You are surrounded by your family who are all Witnesses. That is very difficult. I agree with Xander, if you are able to form other friendships for emotional support this will help you. Expand your social circle, join a club, pursue your interests that you couldn't pursue while in the Borg. Once you decide to come out, you won't feel so alone.

  YoursChelbie
• 

  termite 35

  Matty,just to let you knothat i'm thinking of you; the advice to get your network of friends in place is one that works really well; and in the position you're in, you have time to exit carefully and well.Those first few days/weeks will be the hardest-but you know that; and you also know that we'll all be here for those and all the rest.

  But we're no substitute for physical friendship- we're all so scattered-join something and the rest will slot into place,i'm sure.

  Or head for the NE or the SW ; it's not just a dream.you CAN live a good life in Apostate Paradise on earth !!

  (I've mailed you too)
• 

  Matty

  Thank you termite, you're a diamond . And thank you da_luvvin_bruvva too (in case y'all wondering I knew DLB & DLS before they dumped da troof). Thank you YoursChelbie and everyone else for your support and suggestions. I feel so much better today, although I should be working now instead of looking at jw.com!!!

  Xander said:
  Aside from here, do you have any friends that are not witnesses?

  Xander, not really, but I'm working on it. Because of my previous attitude to my workmates for instance, I'm not really in the "clique". They've gotten used to me saying no so often over the years I just don't get invited out with them anymore. They've noticed a difference in me, but I think they are still a bit freaked out by my change in attitude. I don't want to appear too desperate to be friendly, that kind of demonstrative behaviour tends to put people off you!
• 

  zev

  matty,

  about a year or so ago, i found myself in much the same postion as you. i didn't know where to turn, who i could talk to, or HOW. i was afraid to be seen in the presence of the wrong person. fortunately for me, i work for someone i felt i could trust and give me a listening ear. they had known me for about 4 years, and knew me well enough to understand i am not the sort of person who is "high maintanance". so when i reached out, they reached back and gave me that listening ear, at a time i really needed to talk to a real live person. try to find someone like that, someone outside the "org" someone who really knows little about it if possible. it helps, it really truely does.

  i had people here i could tallk to and one other person, a member of this board i could truely trust. but i could not meet with anyone in person. the people here helped me allot, to see i wasn't going crazy, and i wasn't a nut case, but i was someone who needed help. i was at THE lowest point point in my life, the darkest times i have ever lived or experienced. my whole world was crashing in on me, and although i started the crash, i felt i had to find out answers to the things i had been ignoring, and unwilling to face for many many years. once i accepted that whatever the outcome, i just HAD to be honest with myself, and face my "demons". well, i did, and i'll be perfectly honest, i felt at times i should have seen a professional, a councillor of sorts. in my past posts, if you go look at my threads i started, you'll see i said that more than once. i never did go find that person, however i did try. i ended up doing it all on my own. i don't know that its possible for everyone who leaves jwism to do what i did. i am a very strong person, and that being said, i felt i MUST do what i was doing and be stronger. if that was possible.

  i hope my words and thoughts to you help, even just a wee bit. the end result of all that i went through WAS WORTH every pain and dissappointment i experienced. when your out, it will be worth every effort you made, every pain you experienced. my quality of life now, my happiness and interal peace goes beyond anything i ever experinced in my lifetme, EVER.

  my email is open my friend, and if you ever need to talk to me via e-mail, or even in person if your in the SE new england area just say the word.

  zev

  Edited by - zev on 10 August 2002 8:52:50
• 

  LittleToe

  DLB pointed this thread out to me, because I missed it - sorry Matty.

  My email is open, anytime you want to correspond with another birthed-in Brit guy.

  For the last two months, before DA'ing I started making friends outwith the borg. It really helped a lot. I was climbing the walls, before I left, too.

  I also look back at some nightclasses I did some years ago. The folks there thought it was strange that I didn't go out for a beer with them. I recommend that as a good starting point, as people don't just do them for a hobby, but also as a way of meeting people (in other words, it's not just exJW's who are looking for new friends).

  You're a nice guy. You'll make friends easily - astound them with your party piece of speaking crap in six languages
• 

  sleepy

  Matty what a big phoney you are!

  Only joking.

  I don't envy your situation , it was hard for me to leave and I didn't live with my family.

  I put every thing off thinking I've got forever to live that can wait .But we do have only one life a we must make the most of it.My father has been a witness since his earlly twenties, he's now 53, and will be dead in a year from cancer, he has had no life apart from the witnesses, every Tuesday , Thursday, Saturday, Sunday plus study , elders meeting , quick builds etc.

  Don't end up like him.
• 

  Englishman

  Matty,

  You're a personable guy, you'll be fine. Why not do a "L'il Toe" and travel around meeting ex's?

  Englishman.
• 

  somebody

  ((((((Matty))))))))

  I can't give you any advice that hasn't been given you here already. You have people in your life who truly care about you, and it shows here. I'm SURE there are many many more who do too. Your co-workers, you said, already have noticed a change in you. If I were you, I'd keep talking about the way you feel to those who ask you about how you're feeling at work. It helps so much. the more you talk to people, the less bottled-up things get in your heart and soul. The heavy burden you are carrying right now will get lighter and lighter. Your pain is real pain,and it's valid,considering what you've lived serving for years.

  As others have said here, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The hard part is moving towards it.

  My thoughts are with you, (((((((((Matty)))))))))))

  peace,

  somebody