Excluded. How did/does exclusion make you feel? (page 2)

maxwell

I've only been disfellowshipped since early May. And I've only run into two witnesses since then. One walked pass me on the bus. The other on the street near where I work. The second meeting might not have even seen me since we were both walking pretty quickly. I should say, that my emotions may be repressed. I didn't feel much of anything. However, I haven't really had to see my family face to face since this has happened. I know it hurt me on the last phone calls with my family before the annoucement when my brothers and sisters and parents were declaring they wouldn't be able to talk with me freely any more or at all.
On the other hand, I do like the sentiment expressed by LovesDubs. So there's 6 million people on the earth with 6 billion who by religious beliefs and religious policy are supposed to shun me. Big deal for most of them. There are many other non-Jehovah's Witness people who hate or dislike me for other reasons (i.e. skin color, nationality, beliefs). There's also plenty of other people who have not formed some opinion of me and who would not shun me and who would be friendly regardless of harmless beliefs I have or my race. The ratio of normal people to (shunners+haters) is pretty high. I will put my energy into those who are open to being friends or at least being friendly.

Vivamus

I miss my friends. Sometimes it hurts so much I can hardly breath, then I will cry my eyes out for a moment when I think about my best friend. She, btw, is pregnant and due any minute. I have been disfellowhipped last February, and before that, I had gotten her presents, that I hadn't given to her yet. And so now, I have all these baby presents, for her, and she won't even talk to me.

O god, now I am crying again. Gotta stop.

Viv.

Matty

Aww, ((((((viv))))))

ConnieLynn

(((Viv))) Hang in there Vivamus, it gets better..email me if you want to talk.

ConnieLynn

Lady Lee

shocked stunned

depressed alone

shamed bad sinner

numb

depressed angry

more numb

didn't want to think about it

then angry and more anry

finally relieved - like who cares - not me cuz I'm free

jozb5

Do you mean exclusion while this being in the organisation?

Growing up was hard because my dad was baptised but never attended the meetings regularly, eventually he stopped going and my mom goes every now and then. And we all know what kind of mark that puts against the family. I can't tell you how many times I had to hear about parties or gatherings or whatevers that happened after the fact that we had not been invited to.

Josie

SPAZnik

What ConnieLynn said. Word for word.

Also LovesDubs said "all they are left with is EACH OTHER". lol. great point.

What maxwell said re: "ratio". great comment.

Wow. I relate to so many of the commentz above and really appreciate hearing the positive way people dealt with their feelings on this and were able to move on.

Great thread, Celtic (Mark).

For me, the predominant emotion i felt, was honestly....RELIEF. I don't think i had ever fully allowed myself to realize just what a BURDEN and WEIGHT it had been constantly trying to live up to the impossible expectations and perfectionism of the jdub philosophy. Every which way i turned, there was some dub or another expecting too much from me and seeking to impose their views on me.
While i see this as a human quality as much as a dub quality...i also could not ignore how much this contradicted their claims of unity, love, freedom of choice, etc.

When i left, instead of feeling devastated by the inevitable social exclusion by them, there was this immeasurable relief. It was like a weight had been lifted and in light of even biblical teachings that jesus says "my yoke is kindly and my load is light", it struck me as quite significant that as a dub, i had rarely felt that elusive kindly/light feeling.

I really enjoyed the silence of my phone and the quiet time to start thinking and feeling for myself.
I was surprised to end up feeling "protected" by the df'ing arrangement.

That said, of all my "lifelong" borg "friendz", i truly miss just one female companion...
...and my fleshly brother.

Although...with each of these two cherished individualz...i know that nothing and nobody can break the bond i have with them. Not even shunning rulez of the borganization.
No matter how long i go without contact with these two people...we have an understanding of love and friendship that supercedes borg-made rulez.

SPAZ

p.s. - a big hug to ((((Vivamus)))). the baby thing iz tuff. both my brother and my friend had babies just b4 and just afta i left. that smartz alright. i can relate to your commentz and hurt.
(have you thought of sending her the gifts, even anonymously? it would give you the satisfaction of showing the love you feel, and wouldn't compromise her "stand" at this point. just a thought. hang in der.)

bluesapphire

The only person who shuns me is my sister. She doesn't have to since I'm not df or da but she does it willingly. At first I felt very hurt and bitter. Now I don't give a rat's tail. It took me a while but I realized I don't like her anyways. She turned into a self righteous, cold hearted, pharisaic nazi wannabe and is absolutely no fun whatsoever. So it's her loss!

peaceloveharmony

after being shunned does the friendship ever return to the way it was before if you were to return? Has anyone had freinds who were shunning them and then those friends also left or were d'f' and the friendship resumed with no hard feelings?

my best friend and i were able to resume our friendship after 5 yrs or so of her shunning me. i never blamed her for it, i knew she thought she was doing the right thing. i also didn't try to contact her because i didn't want to make her uncomortable. when she finally contacted me and said she wanted to come over i was jumping up and down in my living room. i think my boyfriend at the time thought i'd gone insane. i was just happy she reached out and was ready to hang out with me again. it was amazing, we were able pick up right where we'd left off, took about 2 weeks to get all caught up :) i love her to death and am so grateful to have her back in my life.

as far as celtic's question about being excluded, at first it hurt so bad, especially when i was excluded from family functions. but as time went on, the pain lessened and eventually things with my family (at least 4 of my immediate family) are pretty much back to normal. been 10 yrs though and there were definately some hard times. lots of crying for me first few years. other in the congregation that shun me, oh well, their loss is how i look at it. i've moved on and made new friends.

hugs to all the shunnees. beng shunned sucks

Edited by - peaceloveharmony on 8 August 2002 19:45:13

SPAZnik

oh...and...

re social exclusion generally speaking
(as opposed to specifically from the ones i care about)...

never been much of a big deal to me.
i guess being a dub to begin with cured me of any qualms about that. lol.

i've never been much of a "follower".

SPAZ (of the "walks-to-the-beat-of-her-own-drummer" klass)

Excluded. How did/does exclusion make you feel?

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