Excluded. How did/does exclusion make you feel?

by Celtic 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Celtic

    Many of you have felt at the sharp end, quite particularly so, social exclusion. Emotionally, how did it make you feel?

    Celtic Mark - Cornwall UK

  • Mulan

    It really hurt my feelings, the first time I was shunned at the grocery store. Now, we aren't df'd or da'd, so I really didn't understand it.

    Before that, when our youngest son graduated from High School, only about 3 of our former dub friends came to his party, and I invited everyone. We had a full house though, with family and all his friends from school, and his writer's group. The ones who did come were people we had studied with, who had moved to other congregations. I felt bad for our son, because some of them had been close to him since he was a baby, and their excuses for not coming were so transparent. We had only been inactive about 5 months at the time too.

    To this day, the main ones who shun us are only from the local congregation. If we run into other people we know, they generally smile at us at least. Some talk. One or two run the other way. Now, I just laugh.

  • DakotaRed

    It makes me feel unwanted and used.

    Lew W

  • haujobbz

    It made me really happy,because i only liked myself and my glamour model wife, and ill be honest ive seen more life in people at a morgue!!!!!!

  • ConnieLynn

    It screwed me up for a while. I had been "friends" with some in my hall for most of my life and they were gone in an instant when I was DF'd, so for a long time, I avoided friends altogether and questioned my judgement. It's better now, but I still struggle with relationships and it takes me a long time to trust anyone. I've read many posts here that are similar.

  • Amazing

    Shunning never bothered me until some close JW friends gave up on our relationship and shunned me. It did not hurt as much as it was irritating. My frustration lasted about a month, then I got over it and moved on.

    On a light note, before I was DA'd, some JWs were shunning me because of rumors of apostasy. I went into the grocery store where four of them stood together in the other aisle. They had seen me and were talking about me, and I could hear them. I stepped around the corner into their asile and said hello. Two of them looked shocked, and almost started to run ... obviously shunning me ... and two were nice, warm, and talked with me. It was funny to watch the contrast of the wife of one couple and the4 husband of the other couple take different stands ... I smiled, wished them well, and went about my business.

  • scootergirl

    I remember the first time I saw my mother in public after my "dismissal"...we met at an aisle in Target. We both stopped, looked at each other and she left me standing there w/out saying a word. I could have collapsed right there and cried. My first husband, (then fiance', Leroy) put his arm around me and gave me a hug. He was at a loss for words...the tears just rolled down my face. I wanted to run to her, scream to her, fight with her, call her every name in the book. The pain was unbearable.

  • BugParadise

    Just a question to anyone ...

    Not sure quite how to word it but after being shunned does the friendship ever return to the way it was before if you were to return? Has anyone had freinds who were shunning them and then those friends also left or were d'f' and the friendship resumed with no hard feelings?

    Just curious as I have never been a JW and never had to experience shunning or having to shun in a religious aspect. It's one of those things I have trouble understanding and possibly the closest I could relate would be when you are divorced and your married friends choose sides in association and social functions/invites etc.


  • ignored_one

    I don't think I'll ever have to put up with "friends" shunning me. I had enough trouble keeping friendships going anyway with the JW friends i had. Their friendships always seemed so shallow. I felt like it was me doing all the work to make it work.

    The two best friendships i had were with non-Jws. I think that says a lot.

    Ignored One.

  • LovesDubs

    When a fish in a bowl looks out at you...who do you think HE thinks is in a bowl?? There are 6 million of THEM kids and 6 BILLION of us out here. Who is out and who is IN?

    My vote? They are the losers in this deal. All they are stuck with after they shun us is EACH OTHER and that is NO BARGAIN, sisters and brothers. Definitely the brown end of that stick.

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