((((UglyDuckling)))) - you're thread title "grieving" says it all. There is a grieving process of fear, sorrow, anger, etc. that you have been and will be going through. Hang in there, this is normal, and we are all here for you. Don't be afraid to lean on others who have been where you have been for support.
I, too, have to say that I know how you feel. The first couple of weeks of my DA'd life was so depressing and sad, not because I missed the organization but because of feeling of being deceived and betrayed, not to mention all the grief that the "victims" were going through. I couldn't stop crying. I had to try hard not to show my tears to my clients. But when I came here or read news ( esp. about Mia and her DF'd father ), I just couldn't stop my tears. "Why are we doing this?" kept coming to my head. I felt so helpless.
I'm doing much better. Thanks to my boyfriend, my job, my other friends and family ( non-JWs), and my JW semi-friends and my mom who are not shunning me at this moment.
But still back of my head there is a doubt, "Will what the WTS are saying come true?" My brother ( non-JW ) said the other day that the Armageddon might come when no one is expecting it; like when multiple prophecies went wrong and when people don't believe it anymore. Maybe it's true. Will the WTS be saved for warning the entire mankind about God's judgment? If they will be, then I say that there is no justice in God. I am trying to keep my faith in God now. It's not easy because the WTS' teaching had been my only Christianity. I'm trying to take some time to reset my mind, and maybe later I'd visit various churches.
I just want the WTS to be legally and severly punished ( it'll be the best if they get to be shut down by the government, but I know that's my wishful thinking) so that there would be less JWs openly going door to door to convert innocent people to join their tarnished domain.
Yes, you will experience feelings like this, most of us have. We're here for you!
Ugly Duckling/Beautiful Swan
Just wanted to welcome you and add my agreement to what everyone here has so eloquently said.
The shock and grief does turn to anger, and then the healing begins.
You are very welcome here. You are among people who care and understand. You might "feel" like you are an "ugly duckling", but you are a beautiful swan.
I've been where you are now. I've been where you came from, in a different way. What you need now, more than ever, is the support of friends. You have that here in the Forum. We understand your heartache, your losses--your great emptiness. We are all at different stages ourselves, but moving forward away from fear and guilt, and it feels wonderful.
There is hope! It gets better! One day at a time!
Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. You're on the right road. Keep reading. Ask questions. Respond to posts. I will look for you.
Love and Light,
Tammy (BEAUTIFUL SWAN),
My heart goes out to you! You are now among many people who feel the pain that you are going through, have gone through and will go through. I know you have cried a river of tears because every avenue of your life was entrusted to and controlled by the WTBTS. Yes, we all know. The other posters, as well as, myself, understand. I cried too when I came to this wonderful haven. I found out that I and my family were not alone. Terrible things have happened to us, but, others have had worse things done to them and I know longer cried for the wrongs done to us, but, cried for them, for the wrongs done to them.
I know it took a lot of strength to come forward and express your feelings. I can remember the trauma I had when I first was going to post. I couldn't........again and again, I'd try to post and I'd freeze. Well, my dear Tammy, I thawed out finally and finally posted and I felt great.
Tammy, there are a lot of volunteer activities that you may want to do. You can call the city offices and ask for a list of organizations that need volunteers. Helping others sure does make one feel good and can give you a lot of self-esteme.
Congratulations on your big step by posting here. Also, catch this BIGGGGGG HUGGGGGGGGGG from me.
Thanks for sharing your story with us and may you join us all in our healing and growth.
Tammy;Hopefully, after a while your nightmares will stop; as mine have-i'm sure as LEyes said, it's a traumatic response to the shock of having your belief system wrenched away from you.It's SO important to keep on sharing and posting-especially if ,like me, your husband can't comprehend the misery that you feelings create sometimes.Mine expected me to change immediately back into the person I was pre-WTBS- and is still amazed that I still come here; afterall-it's been 8 months now!
Perhaps, mentally, it all takes longer than we could ever imagine.And sometimes when I feel compelled to 'sort my self out' when i'm having a bad day;I think it's better to just ride along with those feelings and see where they take us.
For me it's been a little like a bereavement;perhaps we need time to pass without not really knowing what's going on-just to let our sub-concious get on with it-then maybe later whn we look back,we can see the healing process more clearly.
Sweet dreams Tammy;
Welcome! Know that you are not alone! We are here for you.
WOW <wiping away tears from my eyes> Everyone is sharing their thoughts and feelings so nicely. This is a place to help heal.
There are 5 stages to grieving, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. It takes time to work through all those stages. If you get stuck in one stage for too long or you keep cycling through several stages, seek professional help.
It is unbelievable what we have all been through, but I find this place is great for getting my head back on straight. There are some who do research and show depth in their wisdom. Some who share their feelings and can express themselves so well. And then there is the playful element. Like many others have said, humor helps heal.
Hope to see you around in chat.
Tammy we know how you feel, I know two as I'm torn in a simmilar situatuion, you have friends here that will listen to you, you are in good hands...