JW Dad talks to me,talks to me not (page 3)

SpiderMonkey

(((((((Mommy, Tink, Lisa, Debra, Gopher, Animal))))))) and sorry if I missed anyone

It's really horrifying to read all the pain that folks have experienced at the hands of the borg... But I want to thank all of you for posting your experiences & your feelings... It really helps, knowing I'm not alone in all this.

& Gopher, I also share your experience of having shunned a family member... My own dad; I actually bought into my mom's BS & believed he'd been personally responsible for all the heartaches our family ever knew... That shames me to this day, but as with your sister, it all worked out in the end; he welcomed me back w/ open arms, & life is good!

Tinkerbell4125

You're more than welcome SpiderMonkey!

Hang in there and hope you all had a great 4th!

Tink =:o)

Debra2112

I am new to this site. I thank all of you for sharing your pain and your stories. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, but it is nice to hear I am not alone. My husband doesn't understand how I hurt. He tells me to just forget about them. I do try to forget, but it is nice to share with people that truly understand.

My hurt brakes for all of you. We are better off without them. It took me too long and I wasted too much of my precious time on hoping and wishing that family life with the JW would be normal.

Thanks again!

blacksheep

Hi all. Very interesting reading. I'm personally struggling with the very weird family dynamics that so many of you have described. I've been DA'd for nearly 20 years now, and you'd think I'd be over my mom's/sisters (the only 2 JW's in our family) hot/cold behavior. It's peaking again as I'm nearing the birth of my second child. I wonder, is it I who am struggling, or is it them? Good grief, the organization is obviously thier priority. I ask myself, why don't they just cut me from their lives, rather than trying to call me every now and then (esp now, as the birth nears) and ack like loving mom/sister. Ask me why I don't call more often. Ask to see their nephew/grandson (oh, but I come, unfortunately with the package since he's only 2, so, maybe we can meet for an hour or so, on their terms).

I'm getting so blasted annoyed by their hot/cold behavior, and I've learned to totally mistrust any friendliness/love they seem to show since it will be reversed in our next enounter, especially if *I* initiate it, that I've all but given up. I'm not available when mom's in town to visit her LOYAL daughter and LOYAL grandchildren. (She makes it clear she just want's to fit our visit in between whatever she's got going on with the JW side of her family, and whatever "kingdom" activities she's arranged. Last time she left a couple of highly CASUAL messages on my phone which I didn't bother to return because 1) I was very busy and very exhausted with a toddler, fulltime job, and being 8 months pregnant; and 2) didn't particularly relish the clear message that she was busy attending LOYAL JW family get togethers, and just wanted to see me (her grandchild) while she happened to be in town. She and my dad (a non-JW supporter/apologist) left several more messages, bascially demanding to know WHY I hadn't returned their calls and specifiying a time they wished to come over (which we honestly were NOT available). Mom even had the nerve to say that my sister and her elder husband had SEEN us earlier a particular day. Funny, they didn't try to get my attention. Or invite OUR family to the function they were having that night which my parents attended...

I guess I'm at the point of giving up on this very odd/bizarre relationship. I didn't meet my family's expectations as a witness, and I sure as heck don't seem to be meeting them now. Why bother? Why worry about it? It doesn't seem to get me anywhere.

Any insight? Why the HOT and COLD treatment? Seems to be a common theme with witness treatment towards da'd df'd relatives. What gives? Is it intentional? Why can't they just be somewhat consistent? If they DON'T believe they should be talking to me, then fine. Cut off the relationship. But I'm starting to REALLY resent the guessing game. And I DON'T want to subject my kids to it either.

professor

Can't beleive how close this is to my relationship with my parents. One day I am having dinner with them, and the next day there is a "reminder" from the Society and I'm not allowed to see them anymore.

Debra2112

Our parents must love us somewhere in their hearts. They can't be totally without a heart. They are somewhat human.

They seem to be in a battle with themselves. They want to love us (they do in there own sick way), but they go off to their meetings and at one of their brainwashing sessions they are left feeling guilty of their love for us and guilty for there interest in us (They feel like they are sinning).

This is what it seems like to me. They are in a constant struggle. They are told it is the devil working on them. Proven that this is a sure sign that they are in the truth. They are weak minded! That is why some of us left. We were no longer week minded pups that head to be lead around on a leash.

HOW DO YOU USE THE SPELL CHECK?

Debra2112

They are "Reminded". It is forced down there throut! Stay away from non-believers. Even if it is your flesh and blood.

Would Jesus turn his back on anyone. Espeicaly someone who was kind and loving like most of us are, because we hope and pray they will love us back unconditionally.

SpiderMonkey

blacksheep: I love your nickname, btw

Any insight? Why the HOT and COLD treatment? Seems to be a common theme with witness treatment towards da'd df'd relatives. What gives? Is it intentional? Why can't they just be somewhat consistent? If they DON'T believe they should be talking to me, then fine. Cut off the relationship. But I'm starting to REALLY resent the guessing game. And I DON'T want to subject my kids to it either.

Personally, I think they are struggling with the contradiction between 1) being "faithful to Jehovah" and 2) being faithful to their own instincts, IE not completely cutting themselves off from their own flesh and blood... They *want* to know (naturally) what's going on in our lives, but the WTS tells them it is wrong to act on this desire. And (naturally) they have no idea exactly where the line is; if you have constant contact with a DF'd/DA'd relative, can you be disfellowshipped (it kind of depends on which body of elders you're dealing with, as well as how discreet you are)? And, if not, does Jehovah view you with enough displeasure that you're not going to make it through Armageddon anyway, despite being a "Witness in good standing?" They are trying to sort through their own feelings, and it is hard for them to have a complete courage of their convictions, because it would be unnatural to simply view you as "one who is dead," as the WTS tells them to do.

I'm not trying to apologize for them; personally I hate it. I think it's two-faced and gives the lie to their "beliefs." And I don't have kids, but if and when I do, I WILL NOT subject them to ANY association with "family" that considers us to be birdseed. I'm not sure how I would explain the situation to my kids, but I think it would be necessary to somehow explain it, and do so truthfully... Otherwise, when they get older, and find out they have grandparents, and other family out there that they never knew before, you run the risk of those JW family members being the ones to "explain" the situation to them. And then you run the risk of losing your children to the borg As they say, "turnabout is fair play." Your JW family wouldn't let *you* get near their children in any situation where you could "corrupt" them, and I would suggest you take the same view toward them, where *your* children are concerned.

best wishes, Spidey

minimus

mommy one, I am very sorry to see you put in this position but, unfortunately, I think it's going to get worse.At the last elder's school and lately in conversations with different ones, there appears to be a coming down hard attitude on families with disfellowshipped relatives.Your dad may be torn by the newer hardline approach or perhaps he is trying to do the "right thing" by way of the organization while feeling his paternal instincts.

Tinkerbell4125

It's just hard. I think it's harder to interact with them than it is to stay away. I've tryed it both ways. It sucks either way, but I've just to view them as dead and go from there. I had a hard time with my j.w. mom, I just couldn 't stay away, even up until her death, I wanted her approval. It was tough, to say the least. I'm feel bad for anyone that is dealing with this with their j.w. parents.

JW Dad talks to me,talks to me not

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