Are you socially retarded? - For the newbies

by Billygoat 70 Replies latest jw experiences

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  CC Ryder

  Hey Puffsrule...I agree with you about us men...we shy away from emotions...but in my case I met a GREAT person with the same background as I...growing up in the Borg..She posts quite alot...I think she goes by Tinkerbell...we met after I moved down to the south from up in the northeast back in 95...I was divorced for 2 years and still in the Borg...she was coming back in and newly re-instated....I was counseled to steer clear of her because she was not spiritually sound yet...HUH...thank God I ignored that piece of shit counsel...my so-called best friends told me they would support me in whomever i chose for a new mate (as long as they approved...HUH)...My first wife up north was a pioneer...from the day we got married back in 74...just out of high school and ready for the END in 75...about 85...i got sick and tired of hearing her complain how tuff it was to pioneer and have seven or eight studies each week and go to meetings and give talks....I had to drive 50-60 miles each way to work...worked 50 hours a week and was too tired to go to most meetings...I really tried to listen to her the first few years...but got fed up with her complaints and not listening to my suggestions...she got involved with a MS from another Cong who along with his pioneer wife...were up till then our best friends...after many years of struggling thru our problems..she devised a plan to be able to divorce me....she went with this MS and did just enough to warrent me having the "scriptual" grounds for divorce...she got only reproof...but it resulted in his being DF'ed and later...after both of our divorces...she wound up getting involved with him again and got caught and wound up getting DF'ed...which lead to me bailing out of the northeast and heading South...I met my present wife right away....she's told her story here and has shared quite a bit with you all...we became close friends right away and hung out and un-officially dated without too many of the Bro's knowing...She has helped me express my feelings and to be more sensitive to people in general...Men are very tight lipped about emotions...maybe they feel it to be a sign of weekness...but I enjoy all conversations with people of all types...she does too...We both grew together as learning the grip and control of the Borg...how you get sucked into it...like MUD....but we also learned that making the choice to climb out and get free was the best thing we ever did...I am a totally different person and I owe alot to my wife..we helped each other thru alot of real hard times...I've been reading these posts alot more often..I should have posted more than I have in the past...but I intend to more as time goes on.....below is a comment more on the lines of this thread.....

  I was a bit of a renegade growing up in the 60's and 70's in the Borg...I had a Dad who was an Elder after I "straightened up" and left home to marry a pioneer...but teen years were wild...the shit we all did was unreal!!!!!....there were about 15 or 16 of us that hung out at various times...we found away around the chapparone thing and quite often were alone...guys and girls alike...just cutting loose and enjoying the rock and roll, drugs and whatever...but we all became good friends...looked out for each other over the years...only two that I know of are still in the Borg...Even with what we thought as freedom....we still had to go thru a great deal of scheming and sneeking and lieing...just to have some fun...that part I can relate to...the suppression that got placed on kids in the Borg...I did notice that the girls had it more tuff...it was harder for them to join us without a crowd around to watch over us. I resented authority of the Elders back as a teen...associated with "worldly" classmates...and tried to get away with as much as I could...I am glad for the experience it gave me and also the companions I had at the time...I'll never forget them all..I do not know what actually happens in a persons mind ...to finally make the choice of bailing out...but it almost always results in far greater happiness over time....we got out in 99 (officially that is )...and I started to feel better about leaving almost immediately...I had some guilt about dissappointing my father (mother was never a witness)...but that has dissapated....anyone that is just now getting out...you'll soon realize it was the best thing you could have ever done...!!!!

  Hang in there Newbies!!!!!!!

  CC Ryder
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  LittleToe

  IMHO, it was exacerbated if you were home-schooled. I know a few that fell into that category. It left them socially retarded even by JW standards. Of course, not all remain the subject of their environment.

  As for men and their feelings, I've always been an open book. Darn - I can't even be standard in that department!!!
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  BeautifulGarbage

  Lady Lee posted:

  Poking her nose in

  forgiving = forgetting

  Nope not from me.

  Forgiving requires 2 things -

  • the person who harmed me must acknowledge the reality of the hurt they caused me
  • the person who harmed me must apologize and stop doing it

  Thanks for posting that. I agree.

  Andee
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  teejay

  Not meaning to hijack a dying thread here (that's slipping into Archive Heaven), but..

  The fact of the matter is: Some people have locked email boxes. I understand why and even if I don't understand why, it's none of my business why. It could be, and I say "*could* be" because they are social retards. (Hey!!! I'm not hijacking the thread afterall!!)

  Where was I? Oh yeah...

  Some OTHER people, who's email is *un*locked might, say, want to get to know somebody... let's say,on a more private basis... that person being somebody (a fellow social retard, for the lack of a better expression) whose email is LOCKED.

  The remedy such an event -- as far as *I* can see, anyways, is pretty simple. The onus is on the person with the locked mailbox. Am I right? Can I get a witness up in heyah? [Ooops. Wrong word.]

  Can I get a "amen"?

  p.s. can anybody say Hmmm or yrs2long?

  Love is such a lovely thing. When it blooms, that is.

  Not when it shrivels up and falls off the limb into the mud and people and dogs and varmints come around and stomp on it without even looking at it and ....
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  one

  I have not read all post but

  I can not understand how a person could be a jw for many years and still be socially retarded.

  One good thing about jw is they give you all the tools (not in the same tool box but here and there) to be a socially adaptable. The problem is they only show you how to use the tools to achive their objectives.
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  COMF

  Perception is reality

  ...said Diane, as she leapt from the window and began to fly...

  http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=3520
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  joannadandy

  Actually the other day after having a long discussion about religion with my boyfriend he said "Holy crap-it's amazing you turned out as normal as you did"

  Hee hee...that's usually how I feel, most people are shocked to learn I was raised a JW because I seem so "normal"
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  Billygoat

  Thanks to everyone who's responded! I'm glad this post made you think about where you stand and more importantly how far you've come!

  Personally, I'm very proud of how much healing I've accomplished in the last 12/13 years since I was DFed. Considering how much damage the religion and an incredibly dysfunctional family caused, sometimes I'M surprised how normal I am. Haha! (Sometimes I question the definition of "normal"!)

  But I would encourage everyone to think about how they react, feel, and act in their lives today. Imagine yourself back in the first days of your Watchtower exodus. How does that compare to where you are now? How do you feel about yourself compared to back then? Do you seem to enjoy your own company more? Do others seem to enjoy your company more? Why is that? What have you done? What worked for you?

  Just some more food for thought...I'd love to hear what you have to say!

  Andi
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  HappyHeathen

  Andi,

  Shrewd insight of yours about growing up dub and having a lack of social skills. I totally agree. I felt invisible at school since I was terribly shy and spent most of my energy avoiding being a target. I hid the fact that I was a witness as much as possible and lived in terror of running into a schoolmate while going door to door.

  On the other hand, I was never accepted by the kids in the congregation either. My mother was labeled "weak", and my father was a nonbeliever. My sister and I had no status in the congregation and were looked down on by the elders kids -- never invited to their slumber parties or to the movies. We were just little annoying ragamuffins always in need of a ride to the meetings. So I was very lonely as a child and spent a lot of time in my room depressed and crying. In later years, I formed friendships with the renegades and fringies like me.

  I believe these experiences took a great toll on my self-esteem. To this day I have a hard time believing that someone truly likes me for me. I tended to go overboard in offering help, feeling I have to "buy" people's friendships. Sorry if this sounds whiny ...I know it is. I have improved A LOT in the last ten years in this area -- have learned to stop being a broken-winger and now select my friends more carefully. I have developed a selfish attitude these days -- I will only make time for people whose company I truly enjoy and who bring something interesting and special into my life.

  HH
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  Billygoat

  Happy Heathen,

  I wasn't ever in the "cool" crowd at the KH or at school either. I don't think I've ever been part of the "in" crowd anywhere. Haha! It definitely took it's toll on my self-esteem too. But that just compounded some issues that stem from my dyfunctional family. (My father's nickname for me and my mother were "thunder thighs". We're both about 5' 2" and have topped our weight at 120. NEITHER of us are overweight by any means. So bad self-esteem originated in my family relationships.) It's just been the last two or so years that I've felt comfortable in my own skin and I still have really fearful and troublesome moments. I'll be 31 this summer and just feel like I'm coming of age.

  Andi