Did you grow weary in "well doing"?

by compound complex 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Magnum
    Magnum

    I was beyond weary; I was at times literally miserable. I always likened it to Christ's hanging on the torture stake; he was miserable, but he wanted to do it because he was accomplishing good. I was so miserable on the treadmill that I actually liked it when, for example, there was a natural disaster (or potential one) that broke the routine for a few days.

    I guess one problem for me is that the JW routine is not the type that fits me personally. I like to do deep research and to have the time and opportunity to ask questions and really ponder and analyze. The JW routine didn't allow me to do that. It just spewed fluff at me faster than I could read it and kept me from doing the type of study, reading, research, etc. that I wanted to do. Now that I look back, I realize that was probably intentional on the part of the org. I was kept ignorant all those years. I didn't realize at the time that I was being kept ignorant; I thought I was a Bible scholar. However, I am well aware now of my ignorance. I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start in satisfying my desire to really study the Bible (history, archaelogy, authorship, canon, etc.).

    When I was on the treadmill, I felt that I spent a lot of time working on meeting parts, but that most of it was not beneficial to me. A lot of the time was spent, for example, just trying to make a certain part fit an alloted time period, or preferrably end about fifteen seconds shy of the allotment. So much of it was not really substantive.

    I could never get caught up. I always felt that no matter what I did, I was still behind; there was always something else to do - another mag to read or whatever. And, the irony is that, as has already been mentioned, this treadmill running actually kept me from accomplishing good, and it put me in the financial position I'm in now - one that allows me little time or energy and few resources to use to help others or make a positive impact on the world.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings, Magnum:

    I'm glad I saw your post before heading out the door. Thank you so much.

    Will be considering a reply to your heartrending commentary on the life we all endured. I, too, love study and looked forward to meetings in order to share what I had learned, particularly from "All Scripture Is Inspired . . ." Nevertherless, so much was missing, but only now do I realize that.

    Good night.

    CoCo

  • Divergent
    Divergent

    Like CC, I really agree with your post, Magnum, and can relate to it very well as I have been there & done that myself countless times! 

    The problem is, very little of what we do is actually wholehearted or heartfelt. We give a talk or deliver a meeting part not because we want to, but because we HAVE to. All the topics are assigned to us with our having to refer to WT publications as the basis for our parts, and since we are NOT able to choose the topic nor have the choice of selecting the reference material and have to stick to a fixed outline on top of that AND did not even volunteer to do it in the first place, the end result was usually a boring & dry talk with a lack of quality, heartfeltness, & sincerity. Many who deliver talks & meeting parts just do it for the sake of doing it just because they have to & they simply can't wait to get it over with. Assignments are usually viewed as burdens & those who are chosen to deliver them (or have the "privilege" of delivering the part, as some would say) often fail to motivate the weary audience as they are weary themselves!

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thank you, Just Kidding, for covering the bases so thoroughly.

    It always amazes me how another -- in this case, YOU! -- can express so eloquently what we are thinking, but in a somewhat jumbled manner.

    Gratefully,

    CoCo

  • rebel8
    rebel8
    We really didn't do a lot of good for others. Our time was spent doing things to avoid the lightning bolt, such as preaching and studying.
  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I agree, rebel8.

    I used to feel that what you said was an expression of negativity, a result of either my own low spirits or the fleshly thinking of bad-attitude brothers. Well, I know better now, don't I?

    I appreciate your contribution to the discussion.

    CoCo, evading the lightning (gee, where are those apropos emoticons?!?!?)

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