Waking up your spouse

by All for show 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  Apognophos

  I tend to see nothing but failure stories from people who try to show their mate TTATT sneakily. I mean, really, your husband would have to be pretty dumb not to notice you hinting more and more at various issues you have with the religion. I think JWs are, because of the precarious nature of their beliefs, exceptionally well-attuned to any challenges to their beliefs, and adept at avoiding said challenges like the plague.

  I can't say that I have any personal experience on this front, but my inclination would be to just speak honestly to my mate and tell them that I'm having a lot of doubts... serious doubts. And wait to see if my mate wants to discuss them. Because beating around the bush makes something look suspicious, when really if you know you're in the right morally, you should be unashamed to let him know what you think.

  That doesn't mean forcing nuggets of TTATT on him. Rather you should set a plan for yourself and inform him of it, e.g. telling him that you will not be attending as many meetings, or staying home altogether, or only attending or going in service when he wants the support, etc. That way it's about you, and not about putting pressure on him to agree with you. Because ultimately you can't make someone want TTATT; you can only open a door for them to walk through, or not.

  He might freak out at first, or be taken aback at least, but after he's had time to process that, perhaps he will be willing to sit down and have a conversation about your doubts. Keep in mind, though, that just because something is convincing to you, that doesn't mean it will have the same effect on him. If he really wants to keep believing for some deep-seated emotional reason, then he will come up with a way to brush off that concern, perhaps after reading something in the WT Library that addresses it on a surface level.

  So, in a nutshell, I would say honesty and compassion for your husband's feelings would be the best course. But I don't have a mate, so I haven't been through this situation.
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  jgnat

  Even though I am a sly old vixen, I have always been completely up-front about some things. I am always in his corner. When he says something stupid, I call him on it. And I've never hid my involvement on here though he has remained stubbornly innocent. After all, the "truth" has nothing to fear, right? LOL.
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  jgnat

  Have I mentioned how important it is to keep a sense of humour? So many things are so ridiculous. Laugh about it. Show up it's silliness. Pick off the shaky veneer of respectability. We frequent a fast food restaurant every Thursday, and hubby quickly charmed the proprietors. For the longest time they thought he was a lawyer or something, always so dressed up.... LOL.
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  HowTheBibleWasCreated

  I know a video that has the potential to wake my wife as while and millions more up BUT... to watch this made me depressed for months before I could cope with it... what will it do to others. For this reason as least for now I must refrian

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUxLR9hdorI

  On this website I contantly see people 'picking off the top' as in fighting doctrine of Christianity... whule this may work it is far better to topple the bottom. But it can hurt emotionally... take this one slow.
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  DATA-DOG

  I don't know why, and I have no real scientific data, but it seems that women can talk about TTATT more openly than men. I bet if you really educate yourself with JWfacts.com and the bible, you could help your hubby awaken. JUST DONT NAG. I don't know one man who responds to that, in fact our brains shut off.

  I envy your husband because he has a smart woman and not a Watchtard. Believe me, it's virtually impossible for me to get the wife to think. She is a Watchtard. She wants to change congregations because she thinks it will help me. She has no idea. I feel sorry for her and if I could magically take away her memory of me, I would. We don't belong together, but we have a child and are JWs. If I was gone she could remain blissfully ignorant and marry some fat-ass MS or Elder and be somebody in the ORG. Instead she must endure the hell of being married to an attractive INTJ who works long hours to try and build a future for his family. It must be horrible for her.

  She doesn't realize that for me, changing halls is like ceasing to eat at Taco Bell. What the F is going to change by going to another Taco Bell?? It's the same food, the same corporation, the managers are just different. Will I just magically love the seven layer burrito from another Taco Bell?!? I think not.

  DD
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Sorry to report that nothing is really working super well with my wife. She totally turned off to doctrine and doesn't keep up with why it's right or wrong. She just knows that they don't teach hellfire or trinity, are the only ones that practice neutrality and a genuine preaching work, and are the most morally clean people on earth. (I know even that's not entirely correct, but that's what she knows.) My wife enjoys the social aspect of being a JW- instant friends that can be trusted and think the same way. She has a family that is more vested in JW's than when I first started trying to help her wake up.

  I read David Reed's HOW TO RESCUE YOUR LOVED ONE FROM THE WATCHTOWER. (http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/bible/267840/1/2010-How-To-Rescue-Your-Loved-One-From-The-Watchtower) It's very "Christian" and has helped some, but not really. I don't do the Christian thing anymore and I can't imagine trying to get my wife to see things the way of Christendom. Still, it helped. I have read Steve Hassan's books- they are the most helpful. But here we are. Those books are better for the long run. They tell you how to attempt to reach the authentic personality (pre-cult or non-cult person).

  Most will say "Don't try doctrine." I have to agree. I have only met a few people that got out via doctrine and they will do it to themself if that's their problem with Watchtower. Anything you can attempt to chip at in their doctrinal thoughts, literature and other JW's can repair and restore. Better to learn what bothers your loved one and focus on that- typically things that are unloving or ever changing, things that demonstrate a corporation ahead of a spiritual group.

  jwfacts.com has been the best at helping with doctrine, but also on scripuralness of practices or just business instead of scripturalness.

  Some of the best suggestions I have heard to tackle this are to ask questions instead of challenging things. If he knows you are looking at dangerous mind-control cult information, then tell him he should have nothing to worry about since he is sure "They" are not a cult. But then ask him, "From what I read, a dangerous cult follows a leader or a group. How is the Governing Body not like that?" "How do you know they are different, that they really are guided by Holy Spirit? Wouldn't a cult leader say the same?" "Do they detail how their meetings go and how Spirit actually contacts them?"

  Do it in a conversational way and don't expect actually good answers, but let him dwell on it.
• 

  smiddy

  Just my 2 cents worth , plant a seed or two now and again, such as:

  When jehovah told the israelites they were his witnesses why didnt they then adpopt that title and identify themselves as such?

  Why didn`t jesus instruct them to when he was alive ?

  Why, by " divine provedence" were jesus followers to be called christians and not jehovahs witnesses ?

  Why are their over 30 references about witnessing for or about jesus and not one reference to witness for jehovah in the christian Greek scriptures ?

  Search through your Kingdom Interlinear of the Christian Greek Scriptures and you will not find the tetragrammaton , so the name jehovah has no place their.

  Why does this same source in John1:1 say "....the word was god" but in the margin say he was a god. Isn`t that adding to the scriptures ?

  Of course you wouldnt hit him with these questions all at once .As the GB member said at the recent convention"your the weaker vessel " play dumb get him to answer your questions , but make sure you read these scripture yourself so you can truthfully answer :this is what I have found in my personal reading of the bible. A lot of these suggestions and many more are found on this site ,use the search option .and good luck with whatever you do .

  smiddy
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  Frazzled UBM

  I agree with don't talk doctirne. Listen to him and find out what makes him feel uncomfortable about the KH. The thing that works best is tapping into his sense of 'never being good enough' meaning 'never doing enough'. Get him to express that sentiment and get him to explore why he feels like that and get him to understand that he feels that when he is at the KH but not at home and do everything to make him feel that at home he is loved and treasured and if he starts to be aware of this hopefully he will spend more time at home and less time at the KH.
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  garyneal

  I have failed miserably at this myself so I cannot offer any advice on what to do. Maybe more what NOT to do.

  I tried to reason with her on the doctrinal stuff such as baptism to the organization through their two baptismal questions, Jesus not being the direct mediator for the earthly sheep (only the 144,000). How the WT got it wrong on the 607 BCE date, the pyramids and how Pastor Russell was originally preaching 1874 as the year of Christ's invisible return. I told her about the Candice Conti case involving sexual abuse of children and how they covered it up. I've even recently pointed out the WT UN scandal when a CO was giving a talk linking the wild beast with the UN. She does what she wants, ignoring WT rules when it suits her, following WT rules when it suits her.

  She only clings to the religion because she has family in it and believes it was instrumental in helping her live a clean life during her formative years. She does not realize that the same thing has been said by others of other religions but stubbornly clings to the idea that churches allow unmarried people to live together or are all about tithing. She has a VERY superficial WT view of other Christians that can easily be demolished if she ever listened to the stories of former devout/fundamentalist individuals and how they actually lived. Not to mention the fact that the WT has its own sins (as I stated in the prior paragraph) which effectively negates them from being any more moral than any other Christian church.

  Bottom line, facts are powerless to the faithful.
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  new hope and happiness

  All relatonships are different. You call yourself " All for show" and thats what many relationships are based on in the " truth" All for show.

  If you are you just be you and i am sure that's enough for your husband. Be yourself and then he will bring up the J.W doctrine to you. Then 1914 its spelt and in black and white, just give him space and time to ABSORB it.