My husband and I had seven children together.
When 3 of them were grown out of the home he and I hit a wall that had been building in our marriage. He was not regularly living at home at the time and there were pretty grave difficulties on so many fronts including the need for help with one severely troubled teen.
I believe he and I needed counseling, definitely. DEFINITELY. But if one's spouse refuses it and there is alcohol involved, well--that is rough. We were very much estranged over the next several years. We lived quite separately for 6 years. The psychological issues that rose out of our marital discord has had lasting impact on the children-and they are all grown now.
My husband and I have been married 38 years now. We are together and working to understand our past. We discussed even this morning our failing to provide a happier home in the latter years of family life than we had. Poverty is troubling to be sure, the JWs was a very negative contribution (mine) and his long involvement with breaking and training horses and its complications and burdens.
We all came together, in spite of everything because we do love each other, and have learned some forgiveness, humility, and honest vocal regret.
I am reluctant to say what is certainly the best road to travel for another, but it is certain that untreated emotional pain that you or others in the family have to bear, well--those chickens do come home to roost. Deal with the whole picture as best you can and grab counseling the sooner the better.
Try to be fair and honest as you go along. Which includes not beating up on yourself either.