Reflections on 1 year WT Free-breaking the chains...

by MissFit 40 Replies latest jw experiences

  • MissFit


  • MissFit

    I just got through talking to my JW mom today. She is 87 and in assisted living in Washington state.

    Clear across the country from me. We have a complicated relationship but I am the only daughter who still speaks to her. She is holding fast to her hope that Armageddon will come soon and fix things.

    My oldest sister was in the hospital in Arizona. We are not close. I heard the news from my niece who heard it from her brother. All the information I got was third hand.

    My mom calls me up in a panic. She is so far away and has no extra money to go to my sister. Plus they really aren't speaking to each other. ( sister is not df , but is not in. has lots of issues with mom. Hasn't talked to her in over a year.)

    So mom wanted me to keep her informed about sis' s condition.

    I told her I wasn't in direct contact but if sis was at death's door I would tell her and arrange for her to come down.

    So this got me to thinking about those who are shunned or have family that is shunned.

    I am not dfd. But my family is shunning eachother volunteerly because of personal issues. I am so numb I am not even offended that my nephew or sister did not call me personally. My nephew is dfd but we never shunned him because of that.

    My little sister had shunned him for being a jerk and threatening her family.

    I gave my number to my niece to give to my nephew so he could call me. He never did. My sister did not call after she was released. I do not have their phone numbers to call them.

    I feel helpless. And sad. I have always been there for her if she needed me.she has shut everyone except for her son out of her life. In a way she is shunning me because I was a JW. Irony.

    She has always felt like we judged her. I never did. I was sorta afraid of her. She is 5 yrs older than me but very tough. And scary when she gets mad. I learned that as long as she was yelling I was safe. But if she got quiet and started talking in a low slow voice, I knew to slowly back away, keep my mouth shut and get the heck away. No sudden moves. Because she was barely holding on to her temper and one wrong move could set her off.

    That was a while ago. I think being around us turns her into a person she doesnt like and doesn't want to be. It brings up to many memories. So she has cut us off.

    I just hope the next time I see her will not be looking down at her in a coffin.

    I really do not know how to go about reconnecting with her. I tried texting her last year and she blew me off with a terse reply. I told her I was here if she ever needed me.

    I guess she doesnt.

    The thing is I know now this life is all we have. No do overs in paradise if she dies.

    I do love her. It pains me to think she doesnt know that.

    Sorry. I just had to get this off my chest.

    Just more reflections.


  • MissFit

    I just found out the doctors told my sis if she has regular dialysis treatments and follows doctors instructions she might live another 3 years. Otherwise maybe up to one year.

    My sister has been living on borrowed time for years. She is so contrary- she probably won't did until the day they say she is cured.

    My nephew is being a little turd. He refuses to talk to me directly.

    I figure when it gets critical hopefully he will get off his high horse and call.

    He'll probably want me to chip in for the funeral.*sighs* I hate this cr@p.😦*face palm*

  • Simon

    Families can be cruel.

    Some are too eager to shun without bothering to listen to the evidence.

    Sorry you're having to go through this.

  • MissFit

    Thank you Simon. I guess JWs don't have the market cornered on shunning.

    The thing is they have no clue what is going on in my life now. They have a preconceived idea based on out dated information.

    But what really irks me is that I was always there for them JW or not, DF or not. I never shunned them.

    I guess if she wants to die alone , there is not much I can do and I'm not sure I want to spend the energy it would take just to get slapped down. I guess i'll just start saving for the funeral. I think she would rather have the money anyway

    At least I dont have to worry about giving a good witness.

    He can go @#@# himself and stick $#@$*$'# (deleted not fit to print. Im thinking words I haven't said in years.)

  • sunny23

    I haven't been to a meeting in 2.5yrs but didn't start working hard to determine if Chrsitianity was something worthy of my attention for the rest of my life until I sat down and seriously put it to the test which only happened on smal scales here and there until Cofty's thread, you know the one Miss Fit. After a few weeks of that and pondering on my own I have noticed huge changes to my persona for the better as well

    "There were things I didn't even know that I didn't know. For example logical fallacies"

    I learned about those and other technical writting aspects in college in 2006 and from that point on spent 6 years questioning certain arguments and fallacies I would notice in JW literature, the first being the anology: "If your doctor told you not to drink alcohol anymore because it was detrimental to your health and might cause eventual death, then surely you wouldn't inject it into your veins would you? The same is true of God and blood." I remember actually agreeing with that faulty logic when I was younger until I went to college that is..However it took me 6 years before I really started to chip away at the core doctrines. Glad I did it when I did though and not 20+ years later. I feel I have chipped away enough over the last year especialy, to feel comfortable about my new "non-belief system" however it's still intriguing to find new ways to refute claims that I used to use way back when or even new claims I have never been aware of.

  • MissFit

    Sunny: Best wishes on your continuing journey of enlightenment.

    It really makes a big difference when you can both intellectually and emotionally break free.. being out physically is not enough ,identifying the falshoods and the manipulation tactics help in staying free.

    Purging the indoctrination and guilt is an on going process. I am so grateful for the support of this site.

  • MissFit

    Holiday season is coming up. I used to dread it. At work I used to have to walk a thin line. We do a lot of programs for children and like to incorporate current events. So holidays come up... Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

    I always participated but would feel a little guilty like I was compromising.

    Or I would feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

    Now I can enjoy my work. We try to include everyone so we keep religion out of it but focus on traditions and seasonal things.

    No guilt...Priceless.

  • Apognophos

    I hadn't been following this particular thread. Sorry to hear about your family troubles. I just wanted to say that I enjoy your posts, you've given out some great advice on various threads.

    I think our family situation is similar in that the religion has caused various kinds of divisions between various members. Like the mystery illnesses that JWs sometimes get, it seems like there's no way to pin down what actually is causing the family problem, and no one even wants to acknowledge that there is a problem. It's just a vague distancing effect that you suspect is somehow related to the religion but can't pin down.

    Not that non-JW families never have this happen to them, but they also have the holidays and other celebrations to encourage them to stay close. I'm not a touchy-feely guy, and I like my solitude; but sometimes even I feel a little sense of loss when I see a family sharing a holiday dinner and chatting animatedly in a warm dining room, while I proverbially stand outside in the cold by myself.

  • LisaRose

    Sorry to hear your family is so split up, I know how that is. My sister and I used to be close despite our ten year age difference. But then she left the religion and I shunned her. We got closer once I left, but then she went back after thirty years away. Now we hardly talk. I saw her at our brothers funeral, she didn't shun me, but it was a bit strained. She is suffering some serious health issues, but won't discuss it because she know I dint agree with the wackychealth cures she is pursuing. I fear for her but can do nothing.

    I think this happens in all families sometimes, but when you add in the religion and shunning it makes it so much worse. A religion that splits families apart is a poor excuse for a religion in my book. I have come to realize the only time my brother and sister and I will get together will be at the next funeral for one of us. It's so depressing.

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