My alcoholic and aged JW mother is now extremely ill and is being cared for in every respect by my non-jw brother. 3 sisters visited him yesterday and were adamant
that I (disassociated and shunned by her for nearly 3 years) was able to 'visit her any time' and that ' there was nothing to stop me seeing her' as long as I
didn't discuss spiritual things with her. I told him this had to be wilful deceit on their behalfs to a. put the org in a good light (they were witnessing to him) and
b. to put me in a bad light, implying I was CHOOSING not to help. I decided to call an elder to get the low-down on this situation as my brother is
really struggling to cope.
I asked him if he would be 'willing to talk to me about my mother's frail condition' and he replied, "If I need to and can't avoid it". (Why, thank you.)
He maintained the three sisters WERE wrong, confirmed a comment of mine about not even e-mailing disfellowshipped family and said this was still the society's position
regarding me. THEN came a bombshell. "However, if your mother is suffering in her care, OUT OF HUMANITARIAN GROUNDS, you would be able to take her to
your home and care for her". I replied, "So when the congregation for whatever reason does not/cannot help with her care, it's suddenly OK for me, a disassociated person and shunned by
everyone including her to then have her come live with me?" He said' "This is a dire family circumstance". I replied, "This is nothing but double standards and hypocrisy".
I believe the comment didn't register with him and we finished the conversation sort of amicably.
Then I got a phone call from the former PO. Obviously this first elder had hot-wired him that I had phoned.
I am still reeling from the things he said. I will try and condense the inconsistencies in his argument and downright cruel comments.
" If she is willing, you can go over, after all THIS IS A PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER". What can you say to such hypocrisy, in all honesty?
" HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU DIDN'T VISIT YOUR MOTHER AND SHE DIED?" I was speechless, I was so outraged. The total irrationality of this remark!
" The treatment of disfellowshipped ones is black and white". I replied, "Except when the congregation wants to pass the 'care' buck it would seem, then it is deemed
suddenly perfectly acceptable for me to spend 24 hours a day looking after her. Sounds like double standards and hypocrisy to me". (Glad I got it in again!)
I finished by saying if my mum desires me to come over and waives her shunning of me (albeit temporarily), none of this organisation spiel would matter to me anyway and I would get in my
car NOW to go and help her and that if my fellow-non-jw brother, independent of my mother's needs, required my assistance, nothing and no-one would prevent me from going to her house
and helping him.
He said that 'was fine'.
I cannot think of a way to summarise these two conversations, honestly. Still floored.