Hubby's tempted to go back

by jgnat 48 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jgnat

  This is a man who feels remember, he does not think. He won't admit to himself why he can't bear to go back. When pushed, he parrots all the reasons he is told that the meetings are important. So his premier goal is to avoid pain. That means lie, lie, lie. He has considered if asked if the enquirer might hold his hand for a couple months until he gets back in to his groove. That might drive away the Witnesses faster than anything.

  He has also considered telling them that he's disfellowshipped so they don't ask too many embarrassing questions.

  Heck, he tangles up his life more than anyone I know.
• 

  blondie

  Well, what is see happening here is trying to have it both ways....

  The freedom from non-doctrinal issues like grooming is not a strong enough reason to keep jws out...as long as they still believe the local congregation and the organization have control over their eternal future.

  It is important to be honest with yourself...that is why jws df'd for immorality, smoking, and other physical sins often go back. I find they stay out if they see the rotten core of unloving acts and words, that they stay out permanently.

  I compare it to abused wives/girlfriends and why they go back. They still think the abuser loves them and someone how the woman will find the magic set of actions that will make the abuse stop....

  It tends not to be a solid foundation to stand on when leaving. You must see the big picture, that there is no fixing the WTS.
• 

  Apognophos

  He won't admit to himself why he can't bear to go back.

  I'm still not clear on why he does want to go back. Is it just the latent pressure from JWs that he feels at his back every time they see him about town? Or is he still affected by a fear of Armageddon?
• 

  jam

  Your husband speaking to elders. I have five questions or

  how many he may come up with, if you can show me just

  one of my questions that I'm wrong and the WT is right I

  will be at the next meeting.

  I told my brother-law that a few months ago and I have not

  seen him since. I ask about the UN, false dates, why so many

  new light, decrease in numbers RF, increase in 144000 there are so

  many questions to ask that they will not be able to answer.LOL
• 

  Aunt Fancy

  Will you husband read COC? When my husband read it he made the decision right then to never go back. He has no guilt at all after reading that and doing more research.
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  Fernando

  One wonders how he would feel if he realised to what extent the Watchtower has betrayed his trust, and as Blondie said, if he could see the rotten core, particularly in the hierarchy...

  It seems a question to ask may be, what makes "right brain" dominant individuals leave for good, and guilt free too?

  (So called "right brain" thinking = intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective. So called "left brain" thinking = logical, analytical, and objective. Source.)
• 

  quellycatface

  That is a bad idea. Going back to all that bullshit. Once I learned the TTAT, I was out. Finito.

  Why does hubby feel guilty?? The GB have been lying and manipulating people for years. He owes them sod all.

  Talk some sense into him.
• 

  Paris

  Aunt Fancy has a good suggestion about reading Crisis of Conscience. I believe you said in some other post that he still believes the doctrines ? The cult control books are useful for people who do not believe the doctrines, but COC is a peculiar book, in that it is written in cult-speak and "reaches" people at that level, the insider level, in language only an insider can respond to. People have criticsized Franz for not going further than he did, but I think he was a 'gateway' for a special purpose and got to people, like nobody else could have, because of his own intimate involvement in writing for the WT. get him to read this book , it may accomplish actual freedom and wake him up like nothing else can.
• 

  jwfacts

  He has not been out for long. It took me several years before the fears about maybe it was right stopped rearing its ugly head, or that it was not the truth but I missed my friends. Lucky for me, being disfellowshipped made it a lot harder to return, which gave me enough time to snap back to reality. Hopefully he does not do anything rash in these early days. Find excuses to stop him going back to the hall just long enough from the indoctrination to dissipate.
• 

  Ruby456

  jgnat - your hubby seems to be a very romantic kind of guy. Is he? My current theory is that romantics need an outlet and they also need to feel that something curbs their restlessness. Trouble is everything in the jw religion is either forbidden or postponed while guilt is made their own and this seems to work for those who stay on and on and on. When it comes to leaving the guilt takes time to dissipate, or to rethink for example in rethinking (feeling is part of rethinking imo) postponement and lack of choice can be seen to be part of life and living. Romantics need to come to terms with this and find ways to feel free and unfettered while they are unfree and fettered. Part of this theory is that the Jehovahs witness heirarchy actively cultivate romanticism to keep the flock together and in a pen.

  my other theory is that those who become witnesses don't like individualism at least the part that makes you delineate yourself out from members of your own family and at the same time makes you think that you are alone because you are not a member of a group.