This is my tigersuit:
Good luck. I am sure you will make it.
However, understand that CoC is but the starting point. Its author, at the time of writing, was far from objective and still very much mentally enmeshed in the Evil Watchtower Sicksiety, still in denial about many of the worst aspects of "The Truth" (i.e., "The Big Lie").
Later on, you will realise that those of us who fully understand the scam, right from its origins in the late 1860s through to the present day, view Ray Franz as a Cult-Apologist.
But first complete reading CoC and let the import of its words fully soak into you. You are not yet ready - I can tell from your response - to receive the full truth about The Truth, which creatures such as I (and but a few others here) are competent to deliver to you.
It is helpful if you say to yourself, at least once a day:
"I was a deluded dumbass, a retard, a moron, a fool, an idiot, a gullible naive cretin. I must not feel sorry for myself, but instead cringeingly apologetic to all others I tried to preach to or to convert, and thus tried to infect them with the foul, disgusting mental disease that I carried. I am very angry with myself and with the Wicked Watchtower Cult which scammed me."
The rage that should grow in you is cleansing. Aim it at the right people - not at other deluded idiots (like yourself, in your past).
And improve your QoL - what the Watchtower Liars' Cult robbed you of.
Personally, I fully understand why members of the Governing Body travel with escorts. Occasionally, ones carrying licensed firearms.
I'm actually surprised none of these scumbags, or their predecessors, has been assassinated for their appalling and malevolent crimes. Well, I guess almost all dubdubs are sheep, and the wolves (who would pose a physical danger, if they put aside their evil lying and left) are a thousand times less likely to leave - they choose stay within the folds of the Mother Whoreganization to continue to prey on the sheep and lambs.
A rollercoaster lies ahead of you.