To Speak or remain ChickenS***

BobsGirl

I have been struggling ... I mean REALLY struggling. I feel a moral obligation to come forward and publicly support the work that Bill, Barbara and the Pandelo's are doing. I have first hand knowledge that these things that they are saying are true. I have also experienced the bitter effects of coming forward. It is tearing me up. Do I have the same brand of courage? Am I willing to let go of everyone I loved for the first 30 years of my life? Or will I ever remain a silentlamb?

I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I keep vascilating between what feels safe and what feels right. God ... this f***ing sucks!

Edited because I am having trouble remembering forum code.
BobsGirl

"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi

sf

When you are ready, many here will be ready for you...when you need that soft place to fall, and land.

Don't minimize who who are just because you do not feel ready yet. You are no chicken shit. You expressed this much so far...it's a first step.

{{{hugs}}}

sKally

Too many 'lambs'!

AMarie

(((((Bobsgirl)))))

I second what Skully said.

It sounds like you have a very very hard decision to make, so take you're time and come forward when you're ready.

Also, you will never really be alone. You have a wonderful husband, a beautiful child, and many friends on this forum that will be here for you when you take action.

AMarie

Prisca

Bobsgirl,

What's the worse that can happen?

Imbue

Bobsgirl,
I never thought I would agree with skally but she is right. You need not beat yourself up over this. You need to be ready for it emotionally and maybe your not and thats understandable.

We are all just grateful that someone has taken it up for those that have been silenced. So, you are not alone.

When someone has suffered from abuse of any kind trust is a major issue. It is understandable so please don't continue to feel negitive about yourself. You are right on time with your healing process.
imbue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The only good elite are dead elite!!"-Naeblis
(Ok! He borrowed it)

Joyzabel

Bobsgirl,

Let's first look at your title. It is not to speak or be chicken s**t. It is never a black or white situation and you can't limit who you are by just those two options. You know that.

There are a lot of avariables in your situation and you are who you are. Don't feel like you have to speak out for anyone's sake. Healing yourself is your main objective and taking care of your family is up there too. To even acknowledge being a silentlamb is worth a lot.

Big hugs to you, Bobsgirl.

j2bf

outnfree

((((((BobsGirl))))))

Maybe it is enough that you have declared yourself a silentlamb, here, today.

Maybe you could consider attending Friday night's candlelight vigil as a supporter of other silent lambs without publicly declaring yourself to be one? I am not a victim of abuse, but I will be there.

Every one of us in this world must take his or her own path to healing and justice. Do not feel compelled to do anything that threatens your peace. You need only come forward at this time if doing so would enhance your peace. There are many ways to support the cause.

I am sorry for your struggle, sorry for your pain.

Hugs,

outnfree

BobsGirl

Thanks everyone for your comments. SK and Imbue, I have come a long way, and I am definately ready to live in freedom ... I am just not sure that I am ready for the inevitable loss of my family.

Prisca, I think the worst that could happen is that I wouldn't be allowed to meet my sister's brand new baby girl. Being cut off from my nieces and nephews would be awful.

Amarie and Joy, Thank you so much for your unconditional support.

Outnfree, I believe that finding the courage to speak out will in the long run contribute more to my peace of mind. I know that I am strong and capable .... I just hate that doing the right thing comes at such a high price.

BobsGirl

"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi

beckyboop

(((((Bob's girl)))))

I wish I could be there right now to give you a big hug! You have a lot of thinking to do, and you know we are here to support you no matter your decision. I too can understand not wanting the threat of separation from family and friends, but I also know that there is a huge amount of relief when you are finally able to let it all out and not be afraid anymore. It's not easy, and it may not be the right time yet for you; but if it is, you will have so much support all around you.

One of the best healing methods for me was finally risking their (the wt) "worst"--being df'd, da'd, shunned, judged, etc. I stopped being afraid of what they "could" do to me and did/said what I wanted, even though as of now nothing has happened. It's not that I think they can't or won't--I realize what they are doing to B. Anderson, the pandelo's, and bill bowen. The difference is how I view it--it was a risk (yours is of course a much greater risk), but with the payoff of being truly free from their mental influence. Releasing the fear helped me tremendously.

Remember though--it is their game, and you don't have to play by their rules anymore. You are being you--and if that means that jw members choose to treat you in an unloving and unchristian manner, so be it. You can still choose to treat anyone in your family and friends the same way you always would. One of the best ways I've found to foil somebody shunning you is to go up and say hi and give them a big hug! (yes, I realize it doesn't always work that way!)

Whatever you decide though will be right for you at this time. You are not being a chicken shit--you are doing what's right for you. But no matter what--we will always be here to support you! (and you better come to RI soon and visit me!:)) Email me if you need to vent more--I can take it. Love ya and our thoughts are with you!

Becky

sf

"I am just not sure that I am ready for the inevitable loss of my family."

(looking you straight in the eye): No one is ever 'ready' for such trauma bobsgirl.

It is still very fresh in my soul and mind what occured in my life all those years ago when I was dfed. I was not 'ready' for what was about to be unleashed on my spirit either, as a young child, when my mother made HER decision on how she would govern our lives. Yet, I've since learned who truly is Governing It.(I've read the flock book too)

Feel the pain. Embrace it even. It's YOURS. Don't bury it. Use us here as your 'soft place to fall' no matter what emotion is gripping you. If you need to rage or cry or laugh or 'vomit', many here will lift the 'toilet lid' and hold your hair girl. We've been there. Now you are there and in need. Don't be afraid or ever hesitate to call the TidyBowl Squad. hahahahaha

Seriously bobsgirl, you have a network here now. We are virtual, to an extent, yet we are Alive! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Sincerely, sKallyWagger

Too many 'lambs'!

To Speak or remain ChickenS***

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