how long before you felt refreshed and new?

by losingit 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • losingit
    losingit

    Waking up from jw-land is an extremely exhausting process. About 3 years ago, I attended a month-long institute for grad school students. During this time, I was surrounded by people from all over the United States and had active, deep conversations with so many about personal topics, such as religion and divorce. I didn't once attend a meeting at the Kingdom Hall. To say that I woke up, is really an understatement. Besides the day-long seminars, intellectual discussions at lunch, and field trips to important monuments, I was also learning about how life outside Watchtower was like. I felt like my heart got an electrical jump start. Once I returned home, nothing was ever the same again. I didn't know what was wrong. All I knew was that I could no longer be a Witness anymore. I really did not know why.

    The 3 years since that summer have been torture. In that time, my husband and I separated-- that process alone was devastating, to say the least because I loved him so much and wanted my marriage and family so badly. He moved out, and although there was finally peace in the house, I was sooooo depressed. He was disfellowshipped, and then so was I. In an instant, whatever support I might have needed to survive the next year disappeared. A few months after that, I was given 30 days to pack 13 years worth of stuff and find an apartment for me and the girls. Soon after, he stopped paying child support, and whatever money I had saved to pay my last semester's worth of tuition was transferred to taking care of the girls and myself. My internships started, and while my first placement was a success, my second one ended with lots of controversy. I am summarizing as best as I can here, but really, what I want to say is: I am SO TIRED.

    I am EXHAUSTED. Besides visiting the lawyer to find out options after my grad school crapped on me, I have not gotten out of bed for 2-3 weeks. I ask my boyfriend to cook up a hot meal for me; when I'm done, I ask for a massage because my neck and shoulders are so tense, and then I fall out, in a flash, snoring loudly and sleeping as hard as a rock. I can sleep all day, all night, only to wake up to eat. I haven't left my bedroom in weeks. I can't handle emotional turmoil-- I had a very heavy emotional conversation with my ex-husband two nights ago, my eyes in the end were puffed up, and I looked like hell til basically this morning. I just want peace in my life. I want to feel stable, secure, and safe. When will that feeling come?

    I am waiting for the heat of this summer. I'm hoping that the warmth of the sun on my skin and swimming in the pool will help me feel better.

    I just wonder-- did you feel this tired after leaving jws? How long did it take before you felt refreshed and new?

  • Ding
    Ding

    It sounds like you have serious depression issues -- understandable, of course, but something you need help overcoming.

    Do you have any way to find a therapist?

    You should also see a physician.

    Your depression may have a chemical component that can be helped with medication.

    I had similar issues triggered by non-JW job related problems.

    I resisted getting medical help too long; it's often a vital part of recovery.

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Thanks for your experience and your story over three years. I have only just left a few months ago. I too had to pack up 14 years worth of our family life in a house, and move to a small apartment. I appericiate that you are telling us it's still a struggle. I think that many who divorce don't recover quickly and getting back on our feet financially is challenging.

    The fact is we still need to speak to our ex's because of the kids. It's hard for me too, now I know what to expect as you have given me futher insight.

    I am sorry you are suffering so much. As you are going through things before me your posts are helping me to find my way. Keep on posting it helps others in the same circumstances.

    Take care

    Kate xx

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Losingit, I went through severe illness at the end of my stay in jw-land. Sometimes we become so drained after putting out so much emotionally that our body tells us, "Hey, slow down and let me heal. I need some time to recover."

    Rather than medication, you could try this: Give Yourself Permission to Not Feel Guilty

    It worked wonders for me. We were given a bitter pill to swallow as a jw...constantly being told we didn't do enough, we should preach more, we should study more, we should be perfect, we should we should we should blah blah blah....the wt leads you to Crapland emotionally. Plus you've been through the ringer in your family situation. Been there, done that, failed marriage at the end, no money, too much responsibility...it truly is exhausting and not everyone "gets" that.

    You need time to recover from the emotional blows you've been dealt.

    BUT it's important to do one thing each day to make yourself feel better. Taking a shower or long soothing bath...putting on some clothes other than pajamas...getting outdoors always helps, no matter the weather. Some find they do well in couseling. Others go the self-help route through reading and discussion. Maybe both are needed.

    Love yourself. Take it one day at a time. Be thankful for your children and boyfriend. You will get there...you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

    (((((hugs)))))

  • losingit
    losingit

    I do need to call up my therapist again. I was going regularly then stopped bc i just didnt have the time. I feel the need to go again.

    I do think leaving the jwlifestyle takes a tremendous amount of energy. I can only imagine how much more life-sucking it would be if I had family in the cult. It would be nice to go to a friend's house for dinner and laugh up a storm like I used to. I MISS relaxing with my friends, feeling safe and loved. I MISS having friends over and cooking a delicious meal for 8. Ultimately, the social network was not enough to keep me in. But ohhhhh how I miss those times! :'(

    I wish I were more open to meeting new people. I try to.make new friends, but then they turn out to be looney tunes like Hannah. Ugh. :-( :-(

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Wish you lived closer, I'd arrange a dinner party at your place!!!

  • eyeuse2badub
    eyeuse2badub

    losingit

    I feel for you deeply. I felt so lost and depressed when ttatt hit me. Time is the GREAT healer so please hang in there. No one should have to feel so depressed and alone as you do right now. The GOOD NEWS is that your depression will pass! It will pass! It takes some time but, IT WILL PASS! Many of us have been where you are right now. It will pass. Stay in touch! I love you too.

    just saying!

    eyeuse2badub

  • losingit
    losingit

    Eyeuse2badub...

    Time...I'm becoming impatient with time. I talk to my cousin sometimes (she's Christian, never a jw) and her way of seeing things gives me hope. I lost faith in love, marriage, and friendship so sometimes it's refreshing to hear her speak so confidently in God's plan for me and how things will get better.Sometimes I wish I lived nearby her bc her energy is so positive.

    Something that brings me down a lot are things that my ex says about me-- that I'm so negative and how I bring other ppl down. WOW. I know I'm intense and passionate. But I hate to think he's right. Myboyfriend tells me to focus on the positive too. I guess I could list them as a reminder?

    I have my beautiful girls who are healthy and happy and smart. Despite this crazy year, they have grown so much,it's amazing. To know that I provided the safe stimulating environment they needed for that growth to take place makes me hhappy. They deserve the best, and I'll do anything and everything to provide that for them.

    I have my caring and loving boyfriend, who has gone out of his way to help me and the girls during this ttremendous time of transition. Even when it looked like we might break up, he made it clear that he'd never abandon us. He's invested in our future, and that makes me happy.

    I have my parents, andespecially my mom, who has comforted me over the phone when I was in enormous pain over the separation and abuse I was receiving from my ex. Her supportive words have calmed me down.

    Ihave my volunteering at the girls old preschool and current school. I love being there in their school. The little ones bring me so much joy just from their cuteness and the older ones make me so happy with their inquisitiveness and hard working attitudes.

    Ofcourse, there are so many thngs I wish I had-- like $$$, a job, friends. When I allow myself the luxury of letting that positivity penetrate my senses, I'm happy. I wish I did that more often.

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Losingit, I think your list idea is great! Write down all the things you are thankful for and post it on the fridge. Put big smiley faces and hearts by your girls' names....it will cheer you up every time you see it.

    Some folks keep gratitude journals where they make it a point to write down three things every night before they go to sleep. Helps to put you in a positive frame of mind and gives you peace.

    (((hugs)))

  • Defianttruth
    Defianttruth

    LI

    I hope you get to feeling better. I hate to see people hurting. A little sunshine never hurt anyone.

    Regards,

    Defiant.

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