by Batman89 47 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome Batman89!!
You have a lot going on emotionally right now. You are young and in love and it would be wonderful if gf was awake too, but she is not. One of you is asleep while the other is awake. Your parents have left and you are young and free. Why pretend? I can only imagine the heartache if you continue to pursue the relationship.
Whatever you decide to do, I'm happy for you and your parents that you all woke up and wish you all the best!
My advice is for you both the part ways for a year. You live your life and let her lead hers as a JW. Try making friends with people who aren't Witnesses. Then after a year apart, have a discussion with her about the year you spent apart. I think then you will both know the right thing to do. Just don't make any permanent decisions right now.
Hello and welcome. Your parents did a brave thing. Well done to them.
In my opinion, you have 3 options.
1) walk away - plenty more fish in the sea
2) give the young lady an ultimatum, you or the WT
3) maintain the status quo - unhealthy, if you ask me
I hope you find the solution that's best for you. Remember, you only have one life.Live it well, my friend.
Qcf,
I broke up with my doubting GF this week. She doesn't want to leave, even though she doesn't agree with many things. There's nothing you can do. She has to leave when she's ready. I love my GF a lot. It hurts. But I can't live a lie forever. She can't either. Eventually she will break free, but who knows how long that will take. Once you know ttatt nothing will ever be the same.
Welcome, your parents did the right thing!
You been robbed of a normal teenager life.
If your girfriend wants to break up it is time to move on.
You know what you do not want and that is to be a JW. You can control your life but try not to control anothers.
Granted life might get lonely but it is tme to focus on your self and break the JW mind set.
Try school for awhile and walk away from this relationship.
It would not be a good match and you will find love again.
The best way to get over a broken heart is make sure you have distance, no phone calls! That way your heart can heal and life moves on.
Arguing over doctrine sucks.
she says for you to take a break--good advice--take it.
like you--i was a M/S in my late teens--and a pioneer--both done to impress the born-in i was courting. we married when i was 20 ( 1968 ). i quit the cult 4 years later--when my daughter was on the way.
we went on to have 2 more sons---but my wife was never happy--she wanted me back in her small religious world. we grew further apart. finally--after 13 years of marriage--i gave her grounds for a scriptural divorce---which she grabbed and went for it as soon as possible.
within a few years--she had completely turned my kids against me--and i had no contact with them for the next 25 years. my ex--and 2 of my kids are still in the cult---one son has quit and he and i are now back in a good relationship.
i'm sure i'm merely one of 000's in the same situation------is that what you want ?
Perspective is important.....
So with the perspective that I reached after years of research, the bible is wrong, there is no god, we get one life and it is fragile and at best very short....
Decide how you spend EVERY moment carefully, once it passes it is gone for good.
Welcome Batman x (my fav super h)
If you hadn't been "a Witness" according to her definition of the term, then she would not have given you a second thought as regards becoming your wife. So now that you have explained to her your knowledge of TTATT, you no longer possess the criteria for a potential marriage mate in her eyes - that is the simple truth of the matter!
You now have two clear choices - listen, obey and be blessed, by becoming everything she wants you to be, or go on without her and live a truthful life with a clear conscience - you can't do both!
Best wishes in finding someone who loves you for being true to what you believe.
p.s. It's odds-on she will expose your "wrong thinking" to the wolf pack!!
Glad your parents are out, so you still have your family when you cut free as well. Your girlfriend? Well she has basically told you that she wants to stay, let her stay and move on even with a sad heart. It will be much better for you both in the long run than all the misery that will surely come leading a double life and feeling trapped with someone you love but who does not trust you or share their true feelings with you.
You are young, wish I was your age when I woke up, but on hindsight if it had been my husband back then telling me he was finished with the Jw's, then I think I would have dug my feet in and become even more "spiritual". It was a great defining moment for our marriage when it was me that made the decision not to go to meetings anymore, my husband who was an elder, took less than two weeks to decide to join me in leaving.
Welcome Batman89, you've been given plenty of good advice from folks that once walked in your shoes and know where you are. Seeing so many experiences of people that are further ahead in Life than you (due to age or experience) is fantastic for you. Reading all these comments is like having a time machine and traveling into the future, experiencing all the options. There are many possible outcomes of this, none of us knows the future, if you marry her - she could leave later on or stay and become even more fanatic - the spectrum will, maybe, be something in between.
No matter what, this will be linked with pain and heartache (losing the "Love of your Life" or losing yourself). You only have to chose one pain from the other. Only that one pain WILL fade (heart broken because of Love - I am 44 years old and know what I am saying, believe me) but the other pain (being in some group that doesn't share your thinking, losing your parents, not being yourself and the potential for even more fanatism on their part in the future) WILL follow you for years to come and have a bigger impact than you can imagine.
I had the very same conversation with my ex-wife. We where Bethelites for over 11 years and married for over 16 years. I talked to her and tried to convince her of the many lies (that she even knew where true, due to our time at Bethel) and yet it took a toll of 5 years of discussions and tears and a divorce. Me, not being able to see my little daughter.
As a friend: Don't do that to yourself! Please save yourself of even bigger pain. It's up to you and this will not be easy, but remember that you don't know half of the world. Have you traveled? Seen other countries, cultures? There are fantastic girls out there. I now have a GF that even didn't knew that Jehovahs Witnesses existed and she is wonderful, balanced and fun. My true soul mate. You haven't seen anything until you leave the cult and start an exciting, refreshing new Life. Give yourself (and her) that opportunity. If you leave her now, you still could have her later, but if you stay with her, you are shutting down the other opportunity.
Take a deep breath, plan the days and weeks ahead and do something you always wanted to do. Go out. Be social, ENJOY!
