Im new and need help!

by Batman89 47 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Batman89

    Hello everybody, before i begin I just wanna say that I have really found alot of great posts on here that have been helpful forme , theres definitely alot of brilliant people here!

    I am a born in JW(24 years old) Ive been baptized for 7 years and was a ministerial servant for 4 years(i am no longer one). Recently me and my parents have have woken up to TTATT(about 2 months ago). I am fading my parents have walked away all together. My dilema is I am currently dating a JW who i am in love with. She has all of the qualities ive wanted in a mate with one exception, of course which is shes a full fledged rank and file witness. Even with her being a R&F shes very understanding and non judgemental and someone i can trust in. Last night I decided to reveal all my questions/concerns/doubts to her about WT doctrines and the organization itself. We were able to have a very calm discussion about it and she listened to me get everything off my chest which i really appreiated.

    She told me that although she could see some of my ponts of view(TTATT) and some things made sense, of course the JW life is the life she wants to live and that we should take a break while I ultimately "figure things out". Its a tough dilema for the both of us because for me 1) although im really beginning to fall in love with her and we have many great friends in the organization, im not sure if I wanna play this JW game for the rest of my life and raise kids in this religon and 2) Although I definitely consider myself a student of the bible and meetings dont really bother me too much(because i harldy pay attention ever even when I was an MS lol) im not sure if i could be the "spiritual head" she needs and deserves if the JW life is what she wants. We love each other and want to genuinely be together but were both selfless in this situation and ultimatley want to do whats best for each other in the long run. We just confused currently lol

    I know there are many posts on this subject and any guidence anyone has for me would be greatly appreciated! Im also open to any questions you may have

  • Calebs Airplane
    Calebs Airplane

    Walk away. You 're still very young....

  • xelder

    hey buddy, I learned ttatt at 50 years old and it took 2,3 years to clear my head and decide how to use my life. If you choose, know that there are many, many wonderful people whom you haven't met. Some are amazing, talented, we'll balanced FEMALES without watchtower cobwebs in the brain.

  • LisaRose

    It's very hard when you love someone to walk away, but I honestly don't see this working out. This is a very fundamental difference between you. You found out the true nature of the religion and will never enjoy it again, she was given this same information and chooses to stay. All the understanding in the world will not bridge this gap, which will only get worse as time goes on. She wants a JW life, you cannot give her that, you will end up hating your life, or she will end up resenting you. I was married for 28 years to a disfellowshipped person, it was not a good way of life, trust me on that. It would be a tragedy to have a family and watch them be brainwashed into the religion. You might think you could prevent that, but that may or may not work out, then your children might have to shun you.

    Do yourself and her a favor and walk away. You are both very young, you will meet new people and make new friends.

  • InChristAlone

    Before committing to anything that is "forever" try to grasp what "forever" really means. Then imagine going through "forever" disagreeing about a major part of the other's lifestyle. Of course that is advice I would give to anyone considering marriage. It just has a very discernible application in your situation.

  • Giordano

    Batman89 welcome! I met my wife when I was pioneering where the need was great (early 1960's). We 'courted' for a year and a half then married and pioneered together for 2 years. Neither of us cared that much about FS and our bible studies were mostly lonely or distressed people who wanted the company more then the religion. We were young and kept things status quo as we lived together as man and wife. Other then finding a wonderful women to share my life with there was no other reward found in my service and participation as a witness. I was moving on and there wasn't anything I could do about that.

    Eventually we decided to leave....together......... over the blood issue and Armageddon. That was 48 years ago. We have been enjoying a good life ever since.

    If it came to living a lie I couldn't do it, not with the women I love.....nor would I ask her to stop believing if thats what mattered most to her. If we could accept each other's position we could establish the bountries and live together in peace and love.

    So I guess what I am saying to you is if you can't stand the idea that she would remaind a witness knowing what you know then it's time to part ways. If you would be willing to fake it then she would not be marrying your genuine self and that would not be fair to either of you. If you can find a way to set aside this issue you can build a life together.

    Since she is all for college there is the hope that she may learn the TTATT and accept you and a better way to live. If not can you accept her?

  • problemaddict

    Hey there. Welcome! I discovered it was nonsense, with a wife who had pioneered 16 years running while we were in our early 30's. You can imagine what a mess that was. It was very difficult.

    Kids only make it more complicated. I suppose you could play the game and marry her and see where it goes, but playing that game and not being authentic is going to take a toll of your life. Why not suggest instead of "taking a break", that you guys get together for a bible study. You pick a topic one week, she picks one the next, and you guys see if your world views are compatable. if not, you go on your way.

    Honestly man, it could be alot worse if you guys get together, and you try to work this out on the back end. So it would hurt, but walking away may be the way to go.

    To you to I say....."widen out". Lol.

    What part of the world are you in?

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    You're out mentally and she's in mentally. You're on your way out physically, she's on her way in. Do the math. She said take a break, so take one. See if she wanted a theocratic robot man or you. Don't go to another meeting. Dont talk about it at all. Let her see what life is like on the outside and if she thinks that's what she wants with you. Let it play out but dont pretend because you are fooling, not her, but yourself.

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    Disaster looms - after the kids come along, have their little minds shaped and warped by the WT, and if their dad doesn't obey and follow the program, poof! You're out of their lives, because you're disloyal to GOD.

    Have enough love for your unborn children to walk away from a cult member, or be a slave the rest of your life just to be able to live around your kids.


  • ILoveTTATT

    There are 7 billion people on this planet, let's say half are women that makes 3.5 billion let's say even only 1% of those are unmarried and close to you and have the good qualities you like... That makes for 35 million women... Think about it!! Plenty of fish in the sea... Don't choose one that will make yo. miserable!! Right now being "in" mentally should be a dealbreaker!!

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