Involved with a JW woman

by jonza 130 Replies latest social relationships

  • EndofMysteries
  • EndofMysteries

    That is what they are taught, that's in the convention this year. If she stays in, all of those things are 2nd place to the religion.

  • jonza

    EndofMysteries: I think you're right about her not being able to find someone in her faith. But she knows full well she will never convert me. I've talked to her for countless hours about all the problems I've found with her religion and she can see most of them. I've showed her the many ways their doctrine is flawed, and she mostly knows and understands why I believe what I do. I've seen the schedule for the next convention and I'm waiting for my time to bring that up with her. I pray that she does leave, but often that seems impossible, despite everything she's agreed upon. The point about birthdays though, her dad being Catholic actually celebrate their birthdays (though basic) so she doesn't have an issue with that one thing at least.

  • steve2

    Oh man you are so on a hiding to no where. She has no kids - you have two - and you are already talking about a compromise. Take hold of your supposedly Chrstian heart and end the relationship. If your God and your faith are in any way useful to you, draw upon them to get away. The fact that you reach out to this forum tells me your own faith and ability to turn to your God ain't that hot.

  • jonza

    steve2: I most certainly do need help. I go to God all the time, and I seek him for answers, but it's not always easy to descern Gods answers from your own feelings. Maybe it's Gods plan for me to rescue her from this cult?? What's the point of any Christian seeking any help from anyone except God??

  • Incognito

    jonza said:

    She also said, even when she was 'spiritually strong' (now she claims she's not, I guess because she's about to be DF) that she never did more than 2 hours preaching a month and that she never listened to them when it came to not listening to 'bad' music or watch 'bad' TV etc so she never let them control her life really. So she says even when she gets refellowshipped she will just be like that again.

    When we were first starting our relationship the elders found out about me, and they disciplined her, they told her if we got together it would be many many (implied over 10) years before she would be refellowshipped; from that point on she's hid me. So she's not planning on going back to the KH for at least 6 months after she moves, then she will do her 10hours preaching a month to get refellowshipped, then go back to her 2 hours a week preaching that she used to do when 'spiritually strong'

    What do you think about her keeping you as her secret lover? What do you think about your woman being disciplined by other men, for only having a normal relationship with you?

    She appears to be trying to sell the concept of herself to you by telling you what you want to hear. If she truly does not buy into the whole JW concept and all of their requirements, why does she continue to attend and why is she already planning to do anything they require to 'refellowship'?

    It appears the elders have already decided that she will not be worthy of forgiveness for at least 10 years. Ask her, what bible scripture supports that treatment?

    BTW: As a disfellowshipped JW, she will not be permitted to 'preach' door-to-door representing herself as a JW as while disfellowshiped, she is not considered a JW but must otherwise do exactly as the elders tell her otherwise, they will not consider her worthy of reinstatement (refellowship).

    To requalify, she WILL be shunned while required to attending every meeting for an extended period of time - possibly years. If she misses a few meetings for an unworthy reason (as defined by the elders), the clock will likely reset to zero thereby requiring her to start again.

    If you have children and they attend with her, there will be a high probability that they too will be shunned in similar fashion as their mother. Ask yourself: Is this how you want your children treated or to see their mother treated?

    Looking at the bigger picture, if you both have children, what will be her expectations with regards to medical treatment (blood transfussion) if that was required?

    There are numerous people who have posted here before you, in similar situations and asking similar questions as you. When long term, experienced posters tell them what they don't want to hear, often they respond with "Yes, BUT" as though their situation is different than all the others.

    You asked questions. The answers you receive may not be as you had hoped for.

  • Patrick45

    Hi Jonza,

    As long as you are "in love" every compromise will work out smoothly, but wait for the stress and the habit of daily life to set in! Things tend to be more self-oriented after a few years. Often it turns out that things that looked so promising at the begining will change quit a bit. Finally the bridges that now cover the ditches can be teared down and it might be hard to build new ones.

    It would be best for both of you to cool down and to see things rationaly.

    I ll pray for the support and guidance from Father.

    God bless you.

  • JWdaughter

    I'm curious about why she is going to be DF'd. It seems like that is a done deal already. If it isn't about you, what's it about?

    If you can find what she actully VALUES in the WT(you told us of a lot that you sh compromise on), then perhaps you can find a chrisitan church that you can both agree enough on to attend with your family. I never bought the trinity thing,but I didn't buy the WT belief either.I went to various churches and no one ever (other than catholic) seemed toget to Jesus worshippy. Jesus as "god" got lip service in any case and the trinity was glossed over a lot since a LOT of people don't really get it. Jesus was oneaarth and told us lots of good stuff. That is pretty much Jesus teaching in the churches. Jesus was taught s the son. I did eventually become Muslim, but honestly, as Christian I found that my profound love and respect for Jesus did not have to be attached to "the trinity" though a lot of ex JWs latch on to it like a lifesaver. I still have profound love and respect for the man, Jesus and refuse to show disrespect. Plenty of baptists are evangelizing (formally and informally) and nowadays, there are jillions of people 'witnessing' of their belief online without turning in timeslips to anyone. What's the message that she thinks is worthy of being spread? Does she think it is all right to STOP doing so simply because a few men in a congregation refuse to allow her to go out in FS? Seriously, 10 years?

  • villagegirl

    jnat - read again - I said AFTER ABOUT TWO YEARS......your children WILL BE ....

    Same thing you said. Your hubby is a MAN therefore he would automatically be

    treated differently than she will be treated. And where is the mother of these children ?

    Is this girl supposed to take on instant motherhood instead of going to college and

    finding out what she really wants in life and what her talents are and how to use them.

    She is in transition, not a good time to move in with a man with children, (who live with him? )

    I see no objection to to these two just having sex if they use contraception, and the girl

    getting her own place, own life, and working on her personal development, with this

    "friend with benefits" Marriage, or common law, in this kind of situation, is all to HIS benefit,

    with her as live in maid service and child minder and there goes another 10 years of her life.

    My impression is she has never ever been independent. Right now she has that chance.

    She thinks moving in with him will give her "security" ? She will be "taken care of " ?

    Classic 1950's thinking. My opinion is as good here as anyones. Wish this girl was asking

    the questions.

  • jonza

    Incognito: I understand her situation and why she has to keep me secret, especially with everything she's willing to give up to be with me. I wasn't aware that she's not allowed to preach while DF, as she thought she could.. I'll tell her that though. We talked about the blood policy and she agreed we would give them blood if required to save their life. As for how she'll be treated, that's her choice to go through that, and I hope it makes her see that it's not showing love at all, and that will help her to leave. As for my kids being treated that way, I will not stand for that, as they are innocent and it's not their choice to endure it. I would not allow them to go if that happened.

    Patrick45: I can fully understand that the habit of life can set in and promises start to get broken, but that's part of any life, though I'm under no illusion that this one will be much more challenging. Thanks for the prayers though!

    JWdaughter: They know I'm divorced but at the time didn't know it was because of infidelity. Maybe they were just trying to scare her, I don't know. You make some good points about finding out about what she thinks worth spreading door to door. I can't believe I've never thought of asking that. I've tried to get her to think about finding a church together that she can relate to, a few times, I've seen her open to that idea, but it quickly dissapears.

    villagegirl:She's actually already been to college and got an education and is working full time. Feel free to ask questions before asuming things please. I have my kids every other weekend and one evening a week, and certainly don't expect (or require) her to be looking after them while I'm at work. The mother of my kids lives a few miles away and is the primary carer of them. They are my kids and I will be looking after them while I have them, like I have been for a while now. All I want from her is to get along with them and spend a little time with them and be nice to them, she loves kids and already does that on video with them. I don't want her as a maid, I want her to go and get a job not for money (I have plenty of that) but to keep her occupied so she's not just sat at home getting bored and down from that. She also wants that for herself too. I'm not going to make her do anything she doesn't want to do though.

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