Why can't I date him? (page 2)

butalbee

Pad--alittle advice from someone who has been on and off involved with a dub for OMG tooooooo long...RUN, run fast, get this dude out of your system, forget him, just purge him from your heart anyway you can--before it's too late and he breaks your heart over and over again. When they say no they really mean yes, when they say yes, they get guilty afterwards, then you'll be pressured to join their demonic fold--that's when the serious trouble begins.. I don't know how spiritual you are, but beware the WT has tricks up their sleeves you could never imagine.

A Jw is not supposed to get involved w/ a worldly person. We are evil worldly people, just wanting to corrupt the innocent sheep and turn him into a rambling goat. It is wrong, in their stupid ass doctrines and beliefs. To even look at a worldly person, heaven forbid, that's very bad.

To say it'll work out in the long run, if you compromise, or he 'tries' to compromise, that's a dream, a fairy tale, won't happen, won't come true. Do some researchon WT. Click some of the links at bottom of this web page, learn what this dude your seeing is really all about, what crap is lodged in his head, and what you're up against. To cut to the chase, your up against a brick wall, and not even dynamite will budge it. This is from my own personal experience. I still sorta, kinda involved w/ him and every time I see him, he breaks my heart again...

Lara

BTW--Welcome to the board.

LB

OK, I'm agreeing with butal here.

pad you are evil, the very path to destruction. That's what JW's believe. The only way they will accept you is if you become one of them. In that case you get to be chaperoned whenever you are together until you are married. After all if you were alone you would seduce him. Then his portion would be death.

Since he is dating you I can honestly say that you are dating a liar. He isn't suppose to date you yet he is. Then he tells you he doesn't want to be involved with you, yet he is.

Stay away from this guy. JW's have something called the theocratic ministry school. In this they are taught to speak to the public with a straight face. He can sling it I'm certain.

Don't give your heart away pad. Save it for an honest guy. I hear there is one of those out there someplace.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

butalbee

Oh and here's another sad reality of getting your heart involved w. a witness....Let's say, you two get all naked and crazy,he's gonna be guilt ridden and gonna tell those big bad 'unsinning and pure' elders in his congreg., and soon cuz of WT bullshit, he'll be brainwashed and re-affirmed all over again, and you will be the evil seed, the satan on earth, that tried to stray him from his almighty creator, the one and only Jehovah.

I wished I used my mind instead of going w/ my heart. Should've known better, when has my heart stirred me in the right direction, anyway????

Lara

Jeremy Bravo

Pad,

You can't win. If he's already putting God ahead of you, it can only get worse. Take a pass on this guy, I've been in your situation before and you should never settle on being #2 in your loved one's life.

The problem with JW's is that they say that their "#1 is God", but you'll soon find that "God" includes the wacky Watchtower rules he follows (ie abstaining from blood, 5 meetings, etc), the perception of the congregation, the perception of his family, and so on. I hate to be this bold, but I can guarantee you that if you DO date him, he will hide you from many of the important people in his life simply because his religion (and its PERCEPTION of him) is more important than you. Do you want that?

I'd love to talk more about this, feel free to email me if you like.

Jer.

Ralph: "...and that's where I saw the leprechaun."
Bart: "The leprechaun, hunh?"
Ralph: "He told me to burn things."

AMarie

Pad:

I was in this exact situation years ago, except I was a JW and the guy I met was "worldly". He and I got along great, but the fact that I was dating a "worldly" man meant that I was marked as "bad association" in my congregation. Even though we had a chaste relationship, people (including my own family) began shunning me. Trying to make my JW family and friends happy, and still keeping the man I cared for, I tried converting him. He started coming with me to the meetings, but he simply couldn't agree with the JW doctrines and decided to quit going to the meetings and quit his bible study.

In the end, I ended up having to choose between this man and my family, a choice that nobody should be forced into making. Of course, I chose my family and the "truth", which is what I think this man you are involved with will do also. Cut ties with him now, because sooner or later, he is going to have to choose between you and his life long supposed "friends", and I think you'll end up with the short end of the stick. Or else, you'll end up becoming a Witness to please him, which down the road will lead to ALOT of heartache.

AMarie

pad

Wow! Thanks for all of the responses! It sounds like I should run and fast!! Problem is, I'm getting a little hooked on him. Why is it that the best things in life are usually the things we cannot have? I believe I have, or should I say "we" have, the forbidden fruit syndrome? :-)

Next question, we have fooled around a little, nothing too serious, but he is telling me that what we did was wrong and that it is weighing quite heavily on his conscious. He has told me that he will have to "confess" to his elders to make things right. In my beliefs, if I have done something that I consider to be against my morals, I pray to God for forgiveness, try not to beat myself up to much, because we are all human, and we do make mistakes, and then I try to learn from my wrong doing and go on with my life. What exactly is the purpose of going to your elders and then before a jury of them? Will he be punished? And how many people in his life will he have to tell about what we did? Will I be viewed as a bad person? Or should I say an even worse person? :-) Doesn't God's forgiveness come from him and not some elders? I am confused!

I apologize if I have offended anyone, but being a non-JW, I guess I just don't get it. I believe that if you are sincere in asking for forgiveness, God will forgive you. But I guess I might just be plain crazy!! :-)

One more thing? In some of your replies, you have used the word "dub", what exactly is that?

Elsewhere

Don't apologize. If his guilt-ridden conscience drives him to the elders, then you will be made the scapegoat.

You will be portrayed as the evil worldly girl that corrupted one of god's sheep.

Brace yourself.

"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><

AjaxMan

Pad,

You don't need to apologize since you are not a JW, you may not know all about JW culture. You can stay and learn. I did and I was never a JW. FYI, "dub" is short for "double" as in J "double" U or "JDub" or simply "dub".

Sorry to hear about what is happening to you, but unfortunately that is how dubs are gonna act: When one of them is getting close and friendly with a "worldly" (like us), he/she will have "guilt" in their conscience and the only way for him/her to make it right is to confess to the elders. As you'll see, it is a cult that likes to play and ride with guilt-trip of its followers.

One day, you are a "friend", the next time around, you are not a "friend". Pretty messed up, Right?

I hope everything turns out OK for you.

Regards,

Ajax

Xander

The only way they will accept you is if you become one of them. In that case you get to be chaperoned whenever you are together until you are married

Oh, and tell her about how they regulate what couples are allowed to do 'in the bed' once they ARE married! Hope you like missionary sex!

(Of course, that's not saying nothing else COULD happen - he is, after all, a guy. It's just that afterwards, he'll feel all guilty and have to confess IN GRAPHIC DETAIL to the elders exactly what happened to make him feel so guilty!

he/she will have "guilt" in their conscience and the only way for him/her to make it right is to confess to the elders

And that's the hardest thing, and what will be so confusing. The 'world' (that's 'normal living' to you and me) is obviously very tempting, and their beliefs start wavering. Their brainwashing has to be recharged from time to time, unfortunately, a LOT of things do this.

1) Circuit Assemblies and District Conventions. Bout half a dozen of these a year (IIRC - it has been a while). He'll be BIG-TIME guilt tripping after one of these and seek out elders to confess to

2) Circuit Overseer or District Oversee visit. Members of the cong tend to get all holyed-up when they come. Depends on the size of the circuit/district as to how often this happens a year.

3) Major world news that fulfills their version of bible prophesy. BIG-TIME guilt trips after this. And, keep in mind, their HQ in New York is good as spinning pretty much any world news into 'by the way, this is what we REALLY meant with this prophecy we made, so this news does fulfill it!'

4) If he is seen to be drifting away - he will get elders visits, who will encourage him to repent, etc. Depends on how 'in' he is as to what kind of effect this will have.

Xander F
(Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)
A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana

safe4kids

Pad, I feel for you in this situation, but I have to agree with the following advice:

RUN, run fast, get this dude out of your system, forget him, just purge him from your heart anyway you can--before it's too late and he breaks your heart over and over again. When they say no they really mean yes, when they say yes, they get guilty afterwards

amen, bultabee, amen.

Good luck Pad,
Dana

Why can't I date him?

Share this