Why can't I date him?

by pad 29 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  butalbee

  Problem is, I'm getting a little hooked on him. Why is it that the best things in life are usually the things we cannot have? I believe I have, or should I say "we" have, the forbidden fruit syndrome? :-)

  Next question, we have fooled around a little, nothing too serious, but he is telling me that what we did was wrong and that it is weighing quite heavily on his conscious. He has told me that he will have to "confess" to his elders to make things right. In my beliefs, if I have done something that I consider to be against my morals, I pray to God for forgiveness, try not to beat myself up to much, because we are all human, and we do make mistakes, and then I try to learn from my wrong doing and go on with my life. What exactly is the purpose of going to your elders and then before a jury of them? Will he be punished? And how many people in his life will he have to tell about what we did? Will I be viewed as a bad person? Or should I say an even worse person? :-) Doesn't God's forgiveness come from him and not some elders? I am confused!

  Okay, pad, now listen very very carefully---you two played around just a little bit, probably kisses or whatever, but in his odd ass mind: he is trying to be this perfect human, just like jesus, and how important it is for him to live up to this perfect human to please Jehovah who gave up his only son, blah, blah, blah....the jist of this: If you two are sitting on a couch, and he starts babbling this perfect human crap to you--this is the indication that you must now run for the door or jump out the window. He's feeling guilt and it is overwhelming him, esp. if you are not a JW, that's like a double whammy. He will be going to confess to the elders and then he'll be studying w/ a ministral servant to get him back right w/ his God. And the more you try to help ease his guilt he will tell you he needs to be w/ his congregation, that he would be nothing w/out them, blah, blah......

  You're hooked on him, I know this feeling all toooooooo well. I WAS hooked on dimwit myself, would've given up everything for him, in the long run, I did give up everything, and he gave nothing in return. He only broke my heart over and over again.

  Lara

  Please don't make the same mistake as I.
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Pad, I can tell you from experience that if your JW friend speaks to the elders about your "fooling around", he will not only be "reproved" and lose privileges in the congregation, but he will also be forbidden to see you by the elders.

  When I was engaged to be married, my fiance and I "fooled around". We never had sex, but I felt guilty that we had done any petting at all. We went to the elders. We were both put of "reproof", and we were counseled that we were not to be alone together at any time.

  We were 28 years old, and we were getting married in two months, and these men told us that we were not to spend time alone together. Tough way to plan a wedding.

  In your case, you are "worldly", and, as others have said, you will be considered an "evil seed". As such, your company will be forbidden to him.
• 

  jerome

  All of this talk about not being allowed to be alone with each other sounds foregin to me.

  But then again, i'm not a witness and shes not baptized.

  jerome
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Jerome, the difference is that we went to the elders to report that we had "sinned". If you don't say anything to them, they usually don't arbitrarily say anything.

  However, the counsel has ALWAYS been that young couples should NOT be alone together. They should go on group dates or be together out in service or at meetings....or perhaps at family gatherings.

  Unless your girlfriend "turns herself in", or unless someone spots you doing something that looks suspicious (like passionate kissing in public) you will probably not be bothered.
• 

  pad

  WOW!!! I now have no choice but to run and to run FAST!!! All along he has been telling me that he just wants to be my friend, but at the same time also tellng me that he is getting extremely attached to me. SO we agreed to just speak on the phone and not see each other as often as we would like to. Well, that lasted for about a day. :-) But now he once again has told me that we need to keep our relationship on a friendship level, so he can't talk to me very much anymore either. YUCK!!! I thought regular guys were hard enough to handle....Now I've got one that has gotten under my skin and deep into my heart and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it!
• 

  Gopher

  Like the old saying goes:

  When there's a dispute between your head and your heart, listen to the one that has the brains.

  -J.R.

  Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.--Will Rogers, 1879-1935
• 

  raven101

  Dear Pad,

  He'll probly be all right with seeing you if you start up a bible study! Then you can check him and the religion out at the same time. Who knows you may make the ideal witness wife (if you're the submissive type you're a shoe-in)!
  You'll learn something about him, something about J.W. culture and maybe even something new about yourself in the process! Everyone's happy right?

  Just don't tell him you were talking to us. Okay?
• 

  willy_think

  If you get baptized a JW you can have him, it would "fix" that for you but it would put you in a world of shit. "RUN" now that is GOOD Advice!!!!!!

  The Great and Powerful Oz:
  

  pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
• 

  laurence

  pad the information you are getting off these people is mostly inaccurate.

  i was worried for a sec that you might be someone i know.
  i unlike 99% of people on this site support the jw's
  i am not yet one but i hope to be soon, i was rasied in a jw family.
  there is a girl i know and like, in the "world". like the boy u know.
  i have known her all my life and like her alot
  i thought u might be her but after reading all your post realised u were not.

  anyway

  if u were the girl i know i would not want u coming here for info or help.
  for many reasons.
  i know wat the guy u know is going through
  if u like i will answer any of your question.
  please email me at [email protected]
• 

  pad

  OK....a little update for you. My heart is in the process of being broken. :-( Why oh why do we think with our hearts and not our minds? I KNEW that I should have stopped before it even started, but of course, I didn't. I tried to listen to everyones advice to run and run fast. But I didn't. Now, I'm afraid that he has gotten deep under my skin and into my heart, and it looks as if I am losing him, even as my friend. You see, we saw each other again recently, had a great time, nothing physical happened, said goodnight and went on our ways. Later that night, we had a pretty hot and heavy "fun" phone conversation. (I'll let you use your own imaginations) All was well when we hung up the phone, so I thought. That was 5 days ago. Now I am getting the royal shaft from him!! Hasn't called me or returned any of my phone calls. In the past when he has gotten spooked by his feelings for me, he has at least let me know that he can't see me or talk to me for awhile. This time it looks like he is taking the cowards way out. Just a good old fashioned blow off!! I thought JW's were supposed to be such "nice" people. HA-HA!! Just like a typical male, sorry guys. :-) Any ideas how I can get him out o my system??? Well just thought I'd let you know what's been going on. Anybody know where I can buy a muzzle for my heart? I need to learn to shut it up!! :-)

  Pad