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winnie12

Hey I'm new here, I've been reading up so much here and on other sites about tatt and it has really settled a nagging feeling of doubt within me. Truly I have been lied to and have been trapped in this cult.
I've been suffering with depression, anxiety, attempted suicide, hospitalization, anti depressants, loneliness all this while being in supposedly surrounded by "the happiest people" on earth. Through this I've had no real support from my congregation. I've had more love shown to me from my dog. I literally feel trapped though. Because my mom is a jw and she is the only one I fear losing in all this, I've got no friends in the hall and I could care less if they stopped talking to me. I'm worried about disassociating or fading from the organization. Last Wednesday I had breakdown at the hall. I was in the library and of course my mom dragged two elders down to talk to me. I just told them that I felt like I couldn't do this anymore, live up to the bible and that I didn't feel good being at the hall and preferred staying at home. On Monday one of the elders asked if I would like to be removed from the school because it could be adding undue pressure on me so I said yes. I want to just fade but I'm worried my mom's naivety may lead to her speaking with one of the elders about what I have told her. I'm trying to form some sort of plan. I still live at home but am planning to go to university out of the country and actually do something with my life. I'm glad to have my dad's support as he's not a jw. I guess I just like to have some support because I don't have anyone I can actually discuss this with in my life. Any advice/suggestions/experiences in much appreciated.

?evrything

Welcome, my story is faily similar. My mother is the only reason I havent gotten out sooner. But I sent them the letter tonight and I feel its the best thing I could do for MY life. Not theirs.

adamah

Hi Winnie,

Welcome aboard!

You said-

On Monday one of the elders asked if I would like to be removed from the school because it could be adding undue pressure on me so I said yes. I want to just fade but I'm worried my mom's naivety may lead to her speaking with one of the elders about what I have told her. I'm trying to form some sort of plan. I still live at home but am planning to go to university out of the country and actually do something with my life. I'm glad to have my dad's support as he's not a jw.

Wow, it sounds like you couldn't have planned it any better, if you tried! If the elder volunteered to remove you from the school, that's a great thing, as you've clearly made it known that the KH is NOT conducive to your emotional or mental health.

It's really great that your father is not a JW (mine wasn't a JW, either), but does he know what's going thru your mind right now? He's likely going to be a great resource for you in the future, so it might be helpful to let him help you firm up your plans and to seek out his advice, since you're doing the right thing of taking the reins of your OWN life into your hands, and not just doing things that others want you to do (including your mother). Rather than jumping in the deep end by enrolling in college overseas, maybe better to start at the local junior college even for a semester, just to stay close to home.

BTW, part of going thru the teen years is the process of separating from your parents to become independent, and that's a hard process, whether you're a JW or not.

finally awake

Sometimes you have to do what's right for you and not be controlled by other people's possible reactions. I know it's hard, but your primary responsibility is to yourself, not your mother.

rebel8

Go make yourself a life worth living.

When you give a gift to someone, don't you like seeing them enjoy it fully? If there is a god, s/he will be happy to see you use the gift of your brain by using it to the fullest. Same goes with life itself.

Be a good person. Contribute good things to the community. Work hard and play hard. Stay away from drama and toxic people.

Fade. You be normal and if your mom doesn't react as a normal person would, that might hurt but it's out of your control.

dazed but not confused

Wow, I can really relate to most of what you wrote. It was devastating for me when I first left. Stick around. There is a lot of pain shared on this board, but there is ever more joy in truly finding the “truth” and being set free from the borg.

Dis-Member

Big warm hugs to you Winnie, you will get all the support here that you need as countless members here will confirm.

excaliber

Welcome

This is just a question, but you said your dad is not a witness if your dad does not stay with your mom, can you move in with your dad?

Then you would not have to go too meetings, and you can actually tell your mom that you are going so that she will keep talking to you and you wont get shunned.

Especially if your dad lives a good distance away from your mom.

kaik

Winnie, hug to you. I am pretty much new here, and started to post after I had very close talk with my extended JW family last summer after I walked away almost 20 years ago. I had finally came to conclusion in September, than entire JW faith is build upon lies and lies and they even do not care about maintaining their established doctrine but they want you to agree with momentary interpretation of their belifs that can change any time. You do not need to worry about dissociation with JW and their body, you are not leaving God, but man made organization. There are many people around you that cares about one another without being a part of decietful organization.

JakeM2012

Winnie, I'm not qualified to give avise on relationships with mother, but I totally understand, and hope the best for you. I know it is difficult. Many blessings.

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