Thoughts on going back, am I the only one that feels this way?

by excaliber 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • GoneAwol
    GoneAwol

    How can you let yourself condone lies? Lying to yourself as well as others is you trying to avoid pain. For now. But the pain will build and burden you and will eventually destroy whatever concsience you have left.

    Why be that disrespectful to yourself?

    GA

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    Why pretend to believe in things which you do not?

    Consider this exchange in an interview with Bertrand Russell on religion:

    Q: Do you think there's a practical reason for having a religious belief ?

    A: Well there can't be a practical reason for believing what isn't true! … Either a thing is true or it isn't. If it is true you should believe it, and if it isn't you shouldn't. And if you can't find out whether it's true or whether isn't you should suspend judgment.

    It seems to me a fundamental dishonesty and a fundamental treachery to intellectual integrity to hold a belief because you think it's useful and not because you think it's true.

    - - - - - - - - -

    Bertrand Russell on Religion

    - - - - - - - - -

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    but I searched and my conclusion is that other religions don't have the truth, they are all wrong in my opinion.

    Thats because you looked at other religions through the eyes of a JWS which were structured to be bias.

    Personally I found JWS notoriously stupid on many things, emotionly fragile, pretentious in character and

    dangerously evil at times to one another.

    and yes I too grew up as JWS from birth.

    Comes to play I guess since the religion is full of lying bullshit.

    Lets just say I found better people outside of it.

  • Ucantnome
    Ucantnome

    i have considered going back and in the past twenty years i have returned. it eventually led to more elder visits and best i kept a low profile. i think someone said you always return to the religion of your youth can't remember who it was. who knows.

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    My best "conscious" friend says he finds it simpler to just "fake it" than quit or fade or whatever. Most of his family is still "in" including wife & kids. He can't be honest even with his wife as she would bolt to the elders. He finds it to be a good network of social friends and doesn't want to "start over" and certainly doesn't want to be shunning by his kids.

    I like the term I read on here: "a la carte".

    Take what you like and leave the rest.

    The problem I see with that, is if you are a fringe JW who is faking it, and esp if you are any kind of a sh!t-disturber, and somehow you slip up where they feel they can bring a JC against you (DWI or whatever), you are likely to get the axe. Whereas if you're in an inactive, quiet fade those things that might come up have a better chance of being overlooked or not getting caught in their radar. So I guess all that just depends on what you are involved in. If you're doing anything that could get you expelled, it might be better to just fade and avoid the risk of DF.

    Doc

  • InChristAlone
    InChristAlone

    I see a couple byproducts of being told over and over "Where will you go? No other religion has the truth." The first is the scare tactic effect to get people to remain in the organization. The second is making people believe that religions are the only option. With any careful examination, it is easy to see that no religion has the truth, and thus they have succeeded in making people believe both scenarios. For those who wish to continue their belief in the Bible, the answer is simple. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Simple as that. There is no religion, no organization to which one must "belong". For those who do not believe in the bible, the motivation to attend any organization lies with whatever other factors would be involved in that decision.

  • EndofMysteries
    EndofMysteries

    It probably depends on friends and family. In my case, the JW lifestyle has made all relatives somewhat cold and scattered, no get togethers, etc. Moved around a bit so no set lifelong friends, most got married and moved on/off.

    If you lived in one place your whole life and have close friends and family all in, that's the only case it might work, but it would drive me crazy knowing TTATL. (the truth about the lie).

  • excaliber
    excaliber

    Wow it has been a long time since I felt "understood" and you guys definitely understand were im coming from. I will try to respond to as much as I can.

    I was born and raised JW, and went to bethel. Its at bethel that I figured out that something was seriously wrong and I went intoa sserious depression. At bethel you learn to fake it to the tours and your family back home, you also learn that there are a lot of others faking it also. After a few years faking it becomes a skill you develop, and its second nature to me. I don't even know how to be just myself, and that is the honest truth. Going to the hall and faking it is a very familiar environment for me.

    As far as being romantically involved, I think it would be great to find someone like me and then we could both leave together. Starting a family would be more fulfilling then just being in a familiar environment.

    I have been hurt by the org, when I had to leave bethel which was all I knew and I lost a family member because they wouldn't take a blood transfusion. And trust me I hated the org for a long time, went to an exJW meet up and thought of everything I could to hurt the JW. At the end of the day I was still thinking about jw stuff as an exjw as I was when I used to believe, I figured if I go back i can atleast benefit from my obsession with JWs.

    To lisa rose and Gayle: wondering around assembly and walking up to doors and giving the worst presentation I can think of and meeting for service telling them I have a study, then going straight from the hall to the movies sounds sooo fun to me because I never got to do it before. I pioneered and went to bethel and lived a life so rigid that I wonder what it would be like to do the opposite.

    I have been baptized catholic and baptist and Mormon and been to every church I could find in the dictionary. I found them to be just as ccorrupt, I don't want to hurt anyone else's faith that believes in other churches.

    How do I feel about watchtower lies? Well I think all religion is a lie, so what is the difference. And I feel very desensitized, I laugh at things on the news that in my head I know isn't funny but I can't make myself feel emotion so I can respond normally. I just stopped feeling anything when I was at bethel, it was the only way I knew how to survive. I stood at the top of the B building at walkill and I remember wanting to jump but not knowing if it was high enough, I did not want to end up in a wheelchair. ... later I just went to my room and decided to just stop feeling, just like my overseer did who by the way didn't believe any of it. But I wanted to be like him because he had fun and never seemed to feel anything.

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    excaliber: Wow it has been a long time since I felt "understood" and you guys definitely understand were im coming from.

    You won't get that at the Kingdom Hall!

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    .............................................................  photo mutley-ani1.gif...OUTLAW

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