To DA myself or to go to JC meeting, that is the question

by Crazyguy 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Crazyguy

    I just got done with another visit at my home with two elders and even though I tried to say very little they took anything they could as a disagreement with them as enough to say they may call a JC meeting after they talk to the rest of the elder body. So since they are planning on DFing me any way, I'm wondering if I should just write a letter or go through with their meeting?

  • Oubliette

    Unless there is some compelling reason to play by their rules, I suggest you simply ignore them.

    They have absolutely no authority or power over you unless you give it to them. Writing a DA letter may be cathartic, but it is still playing by their controlling, manipulative rules.

    In my experience, you'll feel the strongest and the best about yourself if you simply reassert your appropriate personal boundaries. (I say "simply," but I do know that this is often easier said than done).

    You may find this thread helpful:

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Playing by their rules gives them enormous power over you. You are under no legal obligation to write a disassociation letter or attend a JC. Neither process looks out for your interest. You will deliberately place yourself in a position where you cannot win. Ignore them if you can.

  • BU2B

    I personally would try to ignore them. However, they very well could DF you in absentia. If your two options are the letter or the JC, if you are up for it please do the JC and RECORD it a la RayPubisher. It would help so many, and we really need more JCs online. Just go in with a few simple points of logic that you know they will struggle with and go from there. Crazyguy you KNOW TTATT!! You may not feel you can articulate yourself perfectly or remember everything you want too. Make some simple notes and take them along if you need to. They will be a comfort to have even if you dont need to use them,they are there if you need them. It does not really matter if you dont care about getting DF anyways. A letter will likely do no good, seeing as once they see the tone of the letter, they likely will fastforward to the end, see that you are DAing and not expose themselves to "apostate propaganda".

    Whatever you choose I wish you well Crazyguy.. Keep us posted ok? -BU2B

  • Gayle

    ugh,, unless you are going to beg for mercy,,they are already setting up the 'gallows,' probably. There is nothing you can say when there's two or more of them elders in on this already, gang mentality has already set in. (At best, if one is alone can any points be made.) Sounds too late for that.

    Wish you the best!

  • Designer Stubble
    Designer Stubble

    Get your DA letter ready and only hand it over if you are 100% sure you will be DFed - "You can't fire me, I quit" approach. There are some excellent examples available here or at JWR.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    They want to protect their flock from you. Handing them a DA letter makes that easy for them. Is that what you want?

  • Oubliette

    You could always take the DocBob approach:

    I will not DA myself and if you proceed with DFing then expect a lawsuit.

    This approach has apparently been successful at times as a pre-emptory strike. You will never have any success threatening legal action after the fact of a DFing or DA.

  • Gayle

    They won't take you seriously anymore. Only a letter with letterhead & lawyer's name will stop them. Then, it has to go to legal department.

  • jgnat

    It's your choice. You know, people attending low-control churches simply stop going. No shunning either. I know, that part sucks eggs.

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