by OneStepOut93 30 Replies latest jw friends
Hi OneStepOut93, If your fiance understood that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult, he might change his mind about the WTBTS and JWs. The following two videos may help your fiance the most, and don't cost a penny. The first video is a good chick flick and goes well with wine, crackers, and cheese.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIDwXYACfmM
Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23)
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Personally I wouldn't go to a meeting for anything. Tell your fiance it was lovely of him to be so concerned about the rift between you and your parents, but that it isn't your choice, it's theirs. You don't believe, and because of that they shun you. Then tell him going to the meeting will just get their hopes up, and it's better in the long run if you stay true to yourself, even if it means your parents avoid you.
OneStep-My advice is this:TRY to get over your parents rejection, your fiance is reacting to your being sad and depressed. Try to make a life without your parents being to very central to your happiness. Try to be happier, fake it even, there have been studies (which I can't remember who conducted them), that show if you fake happiness, very often the rest of your brain follows along. You have everything to look forward to in the future with your fiance, don't let anyone screw that up for you.
They need you to go to their building and meeting to start the gradual process of asserting their (illegitimate) authority over you and gaining control over you.
You need this like a bullet in the head. (Meaning you really do not need this in your life).
I would not go.
Why get their hopes up - then dash them?
You have a loving fiancě, that's wonderful.
You were not baptized. So your parents have no reason to shun you. Of course it might have been shocking for them that you moved out and lived with him. But with time I think they will get used to the situation.
You and your fiancé, just be kind and loving to your parents no matter how they react. Be also steadfast for your belief and don't pretend to do something you don't want to.
Good luck to you and your fiancé
If you really plan on having a life with your fiance' make the complete break from the WTS and do it now. Be totally honest with him about your negative feelings. There's nothing the borg like better than young newly weds they can manipulate. Many young hanger-oners who stay only because they don't want to alienate family end up being apologists with their new spouse for the organization. Get it out in the open now,deal with it and it will save you hours of stress and worry in the future and even allow you to have a fullfilling and happy marriage. It is even more important if you're planning on kids in the near future. A little pain now will save you hours of agoney in the future. Trust me, I was born in the Borg and went through a similar situation when I first got married.
OneStepOut, not sure if this can help, but I will relate my story. I was never a witness and for a while before and after I married my witness wife she was essentially one step out herself. I considered myself a spiritual but not really religious Christian and was quite happy with my faith and felt that she could find happiness in hers as well. I did not know better, I encouraged her to study and ask the elders all the questions she needed. I even studied with them and went to the meetings. She also went to church with me but always kept pointing out everything that was wrong with it, as an aside.
Obviously, if I had known then what I know now, I would've never encouraged all of that and I would've never went along with it. Instead, I would've kept her busy doing all the things she liked and not doing witnessy things. She loved throwing birthday parties, celebrating holidays, and all the other things the Watchtower forbids. She was unbaptized so she would've had no problems maintaining family contact. Now she is baptized and STUCK and I now have to deal with a wishy washy woman who is hot and cold when it comes to her following her religion and walk on eggshells around her family as I cannot let it out that she still celebrates the holidays and throws birthday parties.
My advise, take your stand. If you know the truth about the truth, inform your fiance.
BTW, I like your avatar. I use to like Sailor Moon back in the 1990s.
If you want to have a happy life, keep away from the cult. Nothing good can come from joining a high control religious group. Your fiancé is unaware of whattheirs religion does to people. Educate him.
Going to the meeting will give an indication that you are interested in going back to the religion. That will just make things harder for you in the long run, as they will think that shunning you is working. Do not fall for it. Show that you are the stronger one, and in time they will come back to you. You are not disfellowshipped, which means they are allowed to talk to you. If you stay firm by not going to the meeting, they will eventually realise you cannot be manipulated, and they will want to talk with you again.
Sweetie, don't go to that meeting. It won't help anything. Keep in regular contact with your folks, ignore their coldness and betheir daughter. If they refuse to receive you, that is their problem, but don't shun them in your happiness at being away from the Borg-then they get to talk about their daughter who left Jehovah AND abandoned them. Don't let them tell themselves that you selfishly abandoned them in their old age because they are in the BORG-because that is the mentality they will pick up-they will be the victims if you act the sad, hesitant to contact them kind of apostate/faded former JW. Don't be ashamed of yourself for leaving the BORG. Don't deny yourself your family because they would (somewhat, even) deny you. Ignore any shunning activity asif you are oblivious to their game.
BUT DON'T GO TO THE MEETINGS. If you are in a KH for a funeral or wedding, don't ACT like the sad sack DF'd person sitting in the back. You have a right to be anywhere you darn well please and unless you are kicked out of the hall for being nice, friendly and outgoing,what can they do to you?
