*Facepalm* What do you make of this cultish email I just got from my JW friend? What do I say to her?

by Julia Orwell 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • SAHS
    SAHS

    “steve2”: “. . . let it be because this "friend" has decided of her own free will to investigate her beliefs – not to be "innocently" made to question her beliefs . . .”

    “redvip2000”: “Trying to convince someone that they can "do their own thing" is not easy. People are used to having and following rules and regulations. They are used to having a structure and boundaries they feel comfortable with. Trying to push this responsibility on the individual is not an easy task – in fact many don't want it. They find it easier to follow directions.”

    Actually, pretty well all firm JWs don’t ever get the chance to ‘innocently question their beliefs’ because the indoctrination is so strong that they never allow themselves to take a good peek behind the curtain, so to speak. If it weren’t for people dropping little tidbits of information (TTATT), many of us on this site probably would never have dared to start on that path toward critical investigation of the WT and analytical introspection of our own beliefs and aspirations.

    “Trying to convince someone that they can ‘do their own thing’” is certainly “not easy,” especially if you are “trying to push this responsibility on the individual”; however, providing that someone with just enough objective information just might be all he/she needs to then begin realizing the power he/she really does have to decide for himself/herself how to run his/her own life, and to realize that the power which the person thought the WT had over him/her really does NOT exist in reality.

    Ultimately, of course, the person has to make their own decision of their own free will as to how to proceed with their life, but sometimes they just need a little “push,” or “nudge,” to wake them up enough to be able to make that decision.

    It’s sort of like a raging alcoholic or drug addict – many of them do end up making a full recovery, but they just need someone initially to take them by the hand and point them in the right direction so that they can benefit from the opportunity to get to that point where they naturally realize themselves the powerlessness they have over their addiction – and then they can do the rest (with some help).

    If, say, someone has been exposed to carbon monoxide poisoning, as in the case of a natural gas leak, and they have slowly started to succumb and start falling asleep, sometimes they just need someone to gently shake them awake, and then when the person “snaps to” and realizes their predicament, the rest is up to them – they just naturally start heading for the door to make their escape.

    Sometimes all a person needs is just to be shown that little bit of information – a little “nudge” to wake them up – and then they can naturally do the rest, of their own free will.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    For anyone following this thread, just letting you know I haven't had a reply. I guess she's written me off as a lost cause.

    Funny how people are so quick to throw away a long-term friendship like that.

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos

    Sadly, JWs are taught that salvation's a narrow door they have to squeeze through. The environment encourages fearfulness (and attracts fearful people to begin with), and many JWs are afraid of losing their lives if they get weighed down by anybody's negative karma. Oops, Witnesses don't believe in karma, just the holy spirit and evil spirits that hang around good and bad people.

    I will say this, though, and I always think this when people say "There are no real friendships in the religion" but I don't speak up. I really think people need to keep this in mind: Friendships are based on common ground, right? They're not unconditional. You wouldn't keep being friends with someone if you found out they were a thief or drug dealer. JWs form friendships based on the understanding that they have values in common. When you choose to DA yourself, you're telling them that you don't have the same values that you used to. Of course, this isn't necessarily true, but that's what they think.

    And because there's only black and white in the Witness world, in their mind you're either with God or against him. So how can we expect a different reaction from what Julia is getting here? Let's be honest: for the most part, the only Witness friends that stay loyal to an ex-JW are the ones who aren't very "strong" in the religion. I don't say that like it's a bad thing; I'm simply referring to the fact that those particular JWs are not as faith-centric as most, so it's not so hard for them to cope with a friend DAing himself.

    But to the average Witness, you might as well say that you've decided to take up crack cocaine and start prostituting yourself to pay for the habit. So how can we expect a different reaction? It has nothing to do with JWs being disloyal friends and everything to do with their conditioning. It could well be that your friend is privately crying over your situation, Julia, and praying to God that you change your mind so she can talk to you again. She's between a rock and a hard place (even though it's a prison in her own mind, of her making and the WT's making), and doesn't know how else to reconcile the conflict without 'constituting herself an enemy of God' (James 4:4).

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    I believe you're dead right. She really is a great person, but is in the Watchtower's prison. Even some very good people are so tightly held they will err ont he side of caution because of fear of displeasing her god, while all the time it's tearing her up inside. A lot of well meaning people are being torn up over these sorts of things: they're just the pawns, "Theirs is not to reason why..."

  • erbie
    erbie

    I have been through all of this myself Julia and in the end, no matter how close you are to Witness friends, the religion will usually divide people and you will go your own way and they will fixate over something or someone else. I had many long term JW friends (I think they were friends) but the religion is the very thing that divides us and as with me, in time you will be amazed at how much you have changed and moved on and how they have remained the same.

    Whenever I meet an old witness 'friend' in town I am truly astounded at there being no change in them. They do not seem to grow and it is the very organization they follow that, out of its own insecurity, prevents its followers from advancing for fear they will out-grow the leaders.

    We had an elder in our congregation who said that " sometimes, the best thing to do is to do nothing at all". That is probably the best piece of advice I ever heard at a Kingdom Hall and I applied it when leaving the JW's.

    In short, you could argue/correspond with them from now until doomsday to no avail as people will believe what they want to believe and if they are to see the truth about the truth then they must do it in their own time.

    I think it is hard for them because, as they watch you leave, they somehow feel that they are being left behind which, of course, they are.

    I wish you the very best.

    erbie

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    Thanks :)

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