Zebras (Awake! magazine Jan 2001)

by Duncan 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Duncan

    Well, we’ve been in our new house now for almost two years, and we finally got our first visit from the Witnesses, a couple of days ago.

    Two very nice middle-aged ladies stood on my doorstep, asking me would I accept their two magazines for free? - they were old issues from January – Well, how could I refuse?

    Once back inside, I started flicking through them.

    The lead article in the Watchtower was all about “Goodness”. I was struck by how true Metatron’s recent comments have been regarding the dumbing-down of the magazine content. This article was basically saying that Jehovah is “good” because the Bible tells us that he is “good”. Furthermore, we all ought to be “good” because that’s so much better than not being “good”. It was idiotic and numbingly repetitive. Shallow, banal, lazy and desperately dull and tedious.

    The “Awake!” looked a bit more promising, so I spent more time with it. There was quite an interesting article on zebras.

    What caught my eye was a sidebar on “Why do Zebras have Stripes?” I thought this was fascinating because of the insight it gave into the writers worldview and mentality. Remember, Awake! magazine trumpets itself as being “educational” and having “insight”, and getting “beneath the surface” of things.

    This little sub-article basically examined some of the theories that have been put forward over the years to account for the Zebra’s distinctive markings. It listed maybe four or five different theories, explaining them in a few sentences, only to dismiss each of them with a final single sentence, using a piece of simplistic “logic” to show why that particular idea could not possibly be true.

    For example, the theory that the stripes might play a part in dissipating the heat from the animals body is rubbished because “otherwise all animals would be striped”. You get the idea. The sexual attraction- camouflage- chaotic distraction-theory all get similarly “demolished” in a few words. Surely this is leading somewhere, the reader wonders…

    So what, then, is the reason, according to the insightful Awake! magazine?

    “The hand of Jehovah itself has done this”

    Yep! That’s it. That’s the whole “satisfying” answer. They are striped because that’s the way God wants ‘em. It’s God’s will that Zebras are striped and that’s the beginning and end of it.

    For an “educational” magazine this is just a disgrace.

    Can you hear the Voice of The Great Teacher in this?

    “Please Great Teacher, Why is the Zebra striped? Why has the elephant such ears? Why do the people who drink from that well sicken and die, but the people drinking from this well thrive and prosper?”

    How does the Great Teacher answer?

    “Shut Up! Shut up with all your questions! The zebra’s got stripes because it’s God’s Will! Same goes for the Elephant, and for those blasted wells, and for everything! Stop asking all your damn-fool questions! It’s just God’s Will! And that should be good enough for you! Got that?”

    Let’s salute the “Awake!” Magazine’s noble Educational Work! Worth every tax-dollar concession they can hustle!


  • NameWithheld

    Ha ha. Funny stuff. I haven't seen a Witchpower or Asleep rag in years now. Thanks for the update - not that it sounds like much has hanged!

  • cornish

    Its so unbelievable that people with more than one working neuron in their brain can see that trash as any more value than emergency toilet paper.

  • LB

    Thanks Duncan, that should keep me clear of the magazines for another few years.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • LDH

    Duncan I am ROTFLAMO.

    This is priceless.


  • freeman

    The AFAKE and the WITCHTOWER; two rags that admirably demonstrate the breath, depth, and level of modern scientific knowledge and religious scholarship within the JW community, or at least what the GB thinks their level should be.

    The WATCHTOWER: Best described as predigested religious pabulum, arranged in such a fashion that its contradictory cut-and-paste duplicity is well hidden from the minds of the reader.

    The AWAKE: Touted as an almost scientific journal but without the need to conform to common scientific principles as REAL SCIENCE is often at odds with the thinking and conclusions of the authors. Then again, what would you expect from people that literally DESPISE AND DEMONIZE higher education.

    Just my 2 cents


  • Amazing

    I read my first JW magazines when I was 18. My first impression was that they talked in "baby" language. Then the JW who started a study with me said that they were written for all age and educational levels. ... he invited me to read their "Deep" spiritual meat, such as the book, Babylon the Great has Fallen! and then, ah ha! ... I saw big words and phrases like, 'paramours' and 'to wit' used over and over. Yep! Deeeep meat!

    Following Bible principles, we will avoid trying to live - or demand others to live - by an extensive and rigid set of dos and don'ts that go beyond the teachings of the Bible. The Watchtower, 4-15-02, pg 22, pp 15

  • TR


    The “Awake!” looked a bit more promising, so I spent more time with it. There was quite an interesting article on zebras.
    Oh, the day when the "Awake!" is more 'meaty' than the WT. A sad day indeed. The WTS is truly going into the toilet. Of course, most of us here have known this.

    Good post, Duncan.


    Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

  • hillary_step


    lol....Thank you for cheering my morning.

    Many years ago I was talking to a friend in Writing, and I happened to mildly criticise an article in the 'Awake' written on similar lines but this time about deer and the purpose of antlers.

    He bristled noticeably. It turned out that it was one of his articles, and HS had yet again committed 'faux pas' of the year!

    His comment however about the simplistic nature of the argument was the most interesting one that he made, "HS we do not write these articles for experts, but for the ignorant, these are the people who make up most of our Brotherhood'.


    Best regards Duncan - HS

  • LDH


    A more accurate statement couldn't be made.

    A real.....Freudian slip!


    (ps nice to see you around)

Share this