I am looking for some advice - or maybe just some moral support.
I can't find the link to my previous thread... But in a nutshell... Husband and I got married a couple months ago after 10 or so years together. He was never baptised, but grew up 'in'. I never had any exposure to the craziness til I met him and his family. There have been many problems over the years - I never felt accepted, felt that husband and I were always 2nd best to the other son and his JW wife. Anyway - the latest issue was the wedding - I wanted my husband to talk to them about the toast so we knew what to expect. He said 'it will be fine' - and he probably thought it would be, we have clicked glasses with them several times over the years. Anyway, skip to wedding, we are sitting at the table, surrounded by his family, someone does a very informal toast, and you guessed it, all of them sit there refusing to touch their glasses. I wouldn't care if this was consistent with their behaviour - however it isn't, so I am taking it as a statement and an insult.
The good thing that came out of this I spose is that it did something to help my husband finally 'wake' up to how we are treated as 2nd class compared to the other son and how their love and support is absolutely conditional.
So - now, instead of starting our married life happily, we are surrounded with negativity and darkness. My husband is trying to come to terms with how he feels about them and his upbringing and how he is treated - and to figure out how he can have a decent - and real - relationship with them - and of course me. I feel so angry about being 'robbed' of this happy time, but no matter what I do, I can't bring myself out of this sadness and anger. I should be relieved and happy that my husband is finally awake and starting to deal with this stuff, and I am - but I just can't feel happy, it's just anger at him for letting it get to here, anger at them for being the reason we are here and plain sadness.
My husband walked away from the religion when we were about 19 or so (unbaptised), and says he hates it, and hates the 'man' element, agrees that it's sexist and I believe that he would never go back (and I believe him or I would not have married him). However, if I ever brought anything up about the religion, his first reaction was always to defend it - even though he doesn't believe himself. It's almost a subconscious reaction. I always felt like he would defend them before he would defend me - and he would - until very recently - and this has caused more problems between us than anything else.
I have loads of anger towards 'the society' and everything to do with them. If my parents had been witnesses, I would be dead, having needed a blood transfusion as a baby, so it's not a good start, and goes backwards from there. I feel like I have been treated pretty much like crap from the witnesses that I have met over the years, however I always did everything I could to be 'respectful' to them - and their faith. I went to an assembly once. I close my eyes with them and hold their hands before meals (no more!) etc. It was always respecting them, and their beliefs, never them respecting ours - because we don't 'belong' to a 'club'. I feel like being a part of this 'club' that believes things that I think, quite frankly, insane, has given them a free pass to act like assholes!
I think my husband is starting to see for the first time, but it's like it's been so ingrained in him, that even though he doesn't believe, he doesn't want to see anything bad about being raised in 'the truth'. I understand that there was a lot of good stuff in his child hood - but I also think that he missed out on a lot, and he is not very capable of having real relationships with people. He lets others walk all over him - including his family - and this is what he is now trying to stop.
The other thing is that lately when he talks to him parents, his mum especially, he said they can be talking about something random and happy and trivial, say business which is going well, and then out of the blue she will say something like 'did you hear about the shooting here, or the earthquake there or someone getting sick'. They are meant to be the happiest people on earth, but they are just so sad and negative. It never used to be like that. Is this common or is this just her??
The other thing is - which makes things difficult is that my husband is in business with his JW brother (who I can't stand) and their JW Dad works for them - as does the JW sister-in-law. I can just imagine if my husband said that he wanted to give me a job - it would have never happened... Just another example of the unfairness of the relationship. If they weren't in business, we could just say 'oh well, we won't have anything to do with them' - but he has to on a daily basis. I understand this, but it still upsets me - I don't know how he is able to speak to these people every day like everything is just fine, when they have treated us so badly. But I don't have a solution either.
It is my fault too, because I never stood up for myself and demanded respect. It will be a long time before I will be able to sit with them again for a meal - but if and when I do - I can guarantee that I will not be submitting and bowing my head and praying to a god that I don't believe in, so as not to offend them...
Anyway - does anyone else here have any experience dealing with this sort of thing. I know this post is all over the place, it's half asking for advice, half just venting. Sorry. I just feel like there is no one I can really talk to about this. If I mention it to my friends or family, they will just say 'just ignore them, it's just because of the crazy religion' - but they don't understand how manipulative these people can be, and if it was that simple and we could ignore the degrading comments and the like, we would.