Telling my wife that I would accept a blood transfusion

by Daniel1555 22 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • Daniel1555


    This is my first post here.

    First a few details about myself. I am 33, married, from Switzerland and I have a little baby boy. I am still a Jehovah's witness and I am still attending the meetings. 2 years ago I stepped back as an elder (elder for 2 years). Already a long time I harboured doubts about different topics (disfellowshipping and shunning, birthday, global flood, Old testament wars and genocides and some more). I couldn't bear it longer, to be an elder. So I told other elders about my doubts and that I would like to step back.

    They accepted my resignation. I also told my wife about my doubts. Over the years, my doubts became certainties and I found out more about my religion that I can no longer call it "the truth." Nevertheless, I don't like to disassociate myself, as that would create a lot of problems for my wife and my little son.

    Is there someone who is disfellowshipped or disassociated and wife and children still active Jehovah's witnesses? How do you react, if your wife or your children would like to be together with witness friends or invite witness friends?

    My wife is a very zealous sister and she obeys to anything that the faithful and discreet slave is saying. First she was sad about my thoughts but accepted, that I have different views. But suddenly, she was becoming very cold and distant towards me. The reason was, she says, because of my doubts. That made me very sad to the point of a depression.

    With a lot of time, our relationship started becoming a little better, and she seems to accept, that I have different views.

    Last year during the operation of my wife (childbirth of my son), I asked myself how I would react, if something goes wrong and I'd have to decide about a blood transfusion for my her (I think she would without problem refuse a transfusion even if it meant death). My conscience told me, that I couldn't bear it, to be guilty for her death and that my son would grow up without a mother. Of course I never told her about that.

    I studied now in detail about the blood issue. For me it is clear, that I would accept in a life-threatening situation a blood transfusion (especially also for our little boy). I know now all the reasons, why the bible does not speak against a blood transfusion. I know about all the changes in the Watchtowers blood policy (also about transplants and vaccinations).

    Now I have 2 possibilities:

    1. To tell my wife about my conscience decision, that I would allow a blood transfusion in a medical urgency (for myself and for my baby and even for her). I already wrote a letter to her about all the reasons why I think like that.

    The effect might be, that she is shocked and wouldn't let me decide if she is unconscious. Maybe she will run to the elders with the effect that I am disfellowshipped. Or she might herself start to think about the reasons. I have no idea how she would react.

    2. I do not tell her anything. If there would be a medical urgency in the future, she would find out about my true thoughts at that time.

    Positive would be, that if she is unconscious I could still "give in" and not let her die. But I hate it not to be honest to her. Moreover I would have to go through life with this "No blood" patient paper.

    My question now: What would you do in this situation?

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    Welcome Daniel, I think just for the sake of avoiding a potential problem with the misses to go with option 2.

  • laverite

    In this situation, I would keep my mouth shut for now. No immediate benefit seems to come from telling her this information (unless you think she is open to it, and could use it to learn the truth about The Truth. If ever she were unconscious in medical need of a blood transfusion, I would then authorize one.

  • laverite

    P.S. Welcome, Daniel! And again...Go with option 2.

  • DesirousOfChange


    I see no need to be vocal about to her or anyone else at this point. It would just stir up problems. It's an issue that may never arise. If it does.......then you can do what you know is right.

    You have a young child together and that should be given priority. Making a public statement, or worse yet, a written statement about disagreeing with the Organization's Blood Policy would definitely make you a candidate for the charge of apostacy. Getting DFd or DAd needlessly will only complicate your relationship with your wife.

    Many of us remain quiet about our issues to keep peace in our family.



  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    Welcome! I'd choose 2 (and destroy your blood card.) The chances are slim that anything catastrophic will happen in the first place, so you have time to win her over before you hit her with that one.

    Go slowly with your wife, and shower with more love, attention and praise than you ever have before.

    Enjoy non-"theocratic" activities like museums or parks or whatever you like to do together.

    In short, make your wife's "new" husband better than her old cult one.

    Best of luck,


  • OnTheWayOut

    I am at option 2. I swore I would honor my wife's wishes should she be in an emergency. I swear I meant it at the time and I swear that when I give in to changing my mind, it wasn't planned that way. Other ex-JW's have asked "What if she's so mad, she divorces you?" I said I love her enough to save her life even if that's the price. But I see no reason to tell her any of that.

    For myself, she already knows I wouldn't follow the dictates of WTS and she will honor my wishes when the doctors come down on her. I already asked my non-JW father to make the call anyway.

  • Giordano

    Agree........ option 2. I left in the early 1960's over this issue. Back in that era operations were still requiring blood. So I told my wife, who was not a big JW believer, about my feelings. She agreed with me and then we decided being a witness and not believing was more bothersome then it was worth so we left together and started a family. Today non blood operations, with new technology, are a growing trend, however trauma is still another matter. Stay in close touch with your family so you can be on hand should a situation arise and make sure you toss out your blood card. I'd make sure that she understands what Society approved factions she can take...... it might help her see how weasely the society is. Also the Pedophile issue in the congregations. It's all about protecting your boy. But that's as far as I'd go with it right now.

  • sarahsmile


    Just remember anything you put in writing could be used against you. Better to keep your doubts to yourself and fade away.

    In case of an emergency #2 but keep it to yourself.

  • mostlydead

    In your situation, I agree that option 2 is for the best.

    However, I did have this conversation with my husband, as I didn't have the fear that he might lose his love for me and/or turn me in for apostacy. I told him that my views had changed, why they'd changed and asked how he felt about me being his Power of Attorney for health care. After several discussions, I agreed to honor his wishes (although, as On The Way Out mentioned, I meant it at the time, but I doubt very much that, if the situation actually comes up, I'll be able to carry through with that) and I changed my Advance Directive to state that my daughter would be my alternate power of attorney if my husband was unable or unwilling to serve.

    I had been inactive for several years before I broached the topic with him, and it wasn't easy to do, even though I am quite secure in the relationship. I think I would postpone the conversation with your wife until much later.

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