calling all elders - what goes on at the week long elders school?

by not bitter 47 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ApostateChick

  Seventh Sojourn - we were advised of the need to get enough detail to determine things like the context, nature, and degree of any acts under investigation. The point being that if you can't effectively isolate and identify the actual problem and it's associated behaviors, you can't address the issue and help the person properly (And file a proper report according to their guidelines).

  I was pregnant... 9 months in fact. I had sex. It was pretty easy to see what had happened. There was, however, no need to ask if I had an orgasm? Where did he touch me? Did we have oral sex? If so, did I enjoy it? How much "heavy petting" was involved prior to the intercourse? What positions? Come on!

  I get what you're saying, but this is way more than just trying to get an accurate understanding of the behavior. If a woman has sex, she admits it-that's pretty much all that needs to be said. You know?
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  ApostateChick

  Vidiot - I think the custom was originally based on the assumption that if a young woman really likes the experience, she's likely to "reoffend".

  ^^LOL. Well I certainly liked it, and I certainly "reoffended"...but it most DEFINITELY was none of their business... What is even more ridiculous is that these "men" supposedly ordained by God couldn't even see that I wasn't repentant. I cried... out of embarrassment and humiliation at their questions... But about having sex? Nope. And I vowed to NEVER have another JC. Ever. That was the last time I would ever be called to answer perverse questions of that sort. I don't think guys can truly understand how that feels. Just sayin'.
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  SeventhSojourn

  ApostateChick -"I get what you're saying, but this is way more than just trying to get an accurate understanding of the behavior. If a woman has sex, she admits it-that's pretty much all that needs to be said. You know?"

  Wow. If that's the way it went down I totally agree with you. Horrible, stupid, twisted, and disgusting. That is an abuse of the victim and an abuse of power of the worst kind. I'll tell you, if something like that happened to a daughter of mine meeting with some elders, and I came to know of it - I would probably arrange a meeting with them. And I wouldn't let up, and wouldn't end it until I made them crap their diapers. Then I would record all testimonies and document everything. Then I would start a campaign to hold these "Brothers" accountable. - This really burns me.

  Keep on in your recovery.

  SeventhSojourn
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  A question

  Marvin Shilmer - you have a PM.
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  ApostateChick

  Seventh Sojourn - I'll tell you, if something like that happened to a daughter of mine meeting with some elders, and I came to know of it - I would probably arrange a meeting with them. And I wouldn't let up, and wouldn't end it until I made them crap their diapers.

  Wanna know what's really sick about it? My mom sat in on my judicial committee with me. She heard everything that was said and didn't even blink and eye, or wince. She saw it as true "discipline" from God.
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  DATA-DOG

  My daughter was " in love " with a boy from school. This was sweet puppy love, nothing more. My wife cornered her and interrogated her about it. This was in Junior High btw. I know that some girls do get pregnant that early, and that is not right. Still we screwed up as parents. We made her feel guilty and ruined her first love, because the boy was " worldly."

  I didn't know any better at the time. This was before my awakening. Since then I have determined that my daughter will NEVER be dragged before the Elders again. I am going to apologize to my daughter for the way I behaved, even though it was out of ignorance. I feel that my daughter KNOWING deep in her heart that she can speak to me about anything, or any mistake, without fear, will do more good. We do not have to confess any sins to men. I believe the WTBTS fosters a lack of trust between parents and children. Also, the fear of being dragged before the Elders, causes many children to hide their activities. If they screw up big, and have ONLY painful memories of Elders meetings, then they are not going to tell you anything. If they get df'd when they really need help the most..what a shame.

  If she makes a mistake, we can handle it without the help of a couple of janitors or window washers, or any Auto-dealership car mat salesman..
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  ApostateChick

  DATA-DOG - I feel that my daughter KNOWING deep in her heart that she can speak to me about anything, or any mistake, without fear, will do more good. We do not have to confess any sins to men. I believe the WTBTS fosters a lack of trust between parents and children. Also, the fear of being dragged before the Elders, causes many children to hide their activities. If they screw up big, and have ONLY painful memories of Elders meetings, then they are not going to tell you anything.

  ^^Perfectly said. And that is exactly what happened in my case. Zero trust in my mom. Told her nothing. She blindsided me with elders on too many occasions to count. Not good. Glad you are handling things differently with your daughter.

  Sorry to hijack this post! I just thought it was some sort of policy the Elders get at these "meetings" they attend... wanted some clarification.
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  goodsoul

  Be careful! this post could read some current or former elders and be discouraged!. Don't forget, they are doing their job with good motives for the saint name of Jahoower!!
  
  ..I will repeat my words " It is all freak show. And we are freaks. because we were dare to ask mentioned embarrasing personal questions people, who will remember this shame all their life..@