Fading ... and Feeling Lost

by What Now? 43 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  nugget

  Friends are out there but as witnesses we did not have to make an effort. Here are some of the things we did that helped us to build a network of solid friendships.

  We reconnected with old school friends and worldly relatives and apologised for being total idiots.

  We joined sites for ex jws and meetup sites and got involved in activities.

  We offered our home as a venue for get togethers and held events and meet ups of our own.

  We made sure that we kept in contact with those we met up with via facebook and were there for them if they needed help and reached out to them when we needed help.

  We were open to opportunities in the neighbourhood, did volunteer work and made an effort to speak to people. I connected with another working mum who had issues with short term childcare. I look after her children on teacher training days and she drops my son home when I am working in the afternoon and can't be at the school to meet him. We do things together as well.

  What I have learnt is being passive is not helpful. People will not generally come to you. As witnesses we carry a barrier around with us and other people sense it. It makes us hard to approach. When we left I started telling people that we were no longer witnesses and why. I made sure that I sent Christmas cards to everyone who had helped with the children and were our neighbours.

  Take up a hobby or take a class, find people who are interested in the same things there are many people out there looking for someone to connect with and although not everyone wants to be your friend, many are open to the idea.
• 

  DJS

  Dear Fading,

  I understand what you are going through. My exit almost 2 decades ago was handled much differently but with the same end result. Friends and family are gone with the wind. But please trust me this is VERY temporary. You have the rest of your life to grow, experience, live and find new friends and interests. And you will. Right now is just something to get through. If I had participated on this forum 20 years ago my responses would be somewhat similar, but I tried as best I could to hit the ground running and never look back.

  Enjoy life. Make new friends. Explore yourself and what you want out of life and chart a new course. The journey will be fun and well worth it. Good luck.
• 

  Giordano

  My daughter-in-law hooked up with a local Mommies' club. Just like the JW's they meet regularly that’s one important key to making new friends and you already have something in common with them. They arrange play dates, trips to the park, swimming, walking........they watch the kids if a couple wants to go out on a date. They throw pot luck dinners and parties with their husbands attending......... my son has also made some good friends.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi What Now? , I can think of a lot of activities that you could do, but it does depend on your interests. With pratice you could be so busy that you would need to scale back on your social life to have time for your family life. Best of wishes in your family successfully fading from the WTBTS.

  Here are a few suggesitons:

  • Visit www.meetup.com to locate groups in your area that you might have an interest in joining, Meetup.com also has many local exJW support groups that you could attend to socialize with exJWs.
  • Visit the website for your community to see if there is a Parks and Recreation department that teaches sports and recreation activities,
  • Use a web browser to search for hobbies that you like to do in your town,
  • Pack a picnic lunch/dinner and head for a park, lake, stream, beach, or some other attraction,
  • Join a local charitable organization and see if you like it,
  • If you still believe in God, checkout the local churches in your area. I would recommend Luthern, Episcopalian, or Presbyterian churches over other religions. Just keep focused on what you want from attending a church. Is it social relationships or beliefs? If anyone trys to control how you behave, then say good bye and start attending another church - no letter is required to switch to another church.
  • If you like reading, I would recommend reading and researching everything that you can about the history of the WTBTS and high-control groups. IMHO reading Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs"), visiting his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watching his videos would keep you busy for at least a month or two.
  • Search the web for travel bargains for you and your family to enjoy. I recommend www.travelzoo.com because it will send you daily suggestions of what to do in major metropolitan areas.
  • If you have a VISA card, make plans to visit local museums for free that are participating with VISA.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  *lost*

  Welcome and well done

  ah the loneliness, hard isn't it, only so much one can do to try not going mad, lol.

  Look upon this as a 'holiday', time to spoil yourself, enjoy your time with your toddler, and enjoy your pregnancy.

  It won't be long before your time will be taken up with the little one and toddler. You have so much to look forward to.

  Try to get to know your neighbours, be brave, smiley jolly and a little bit pushy, it takes effort to 'get in' to people

  when we are strangers, lol.

  don't be shy, tell the truth, say hi, I'm so and so, sorry I haven't taken the opportunity to get to know you sooner, I was caught up in a high control cult, just broke free, people will be intrigued and that will be a starting point for chatting (if your brave enough,lol)

  Will you be attending pre-natel classes with other mums, USE these sessions, so important for bonding and building friendships.

  Do you have a dog / great way to get to know other people.

  Be happy, be excited, life is an adventure, woop woop, your free.
• 

  Mum

  It is wonderful that you guys have freed yourselves at such a young age. You said that you signed up for some classes, but they didn't work out. Is there a community college in your area. They often have a class that's just one or two Saturdays in things like flower arranging or cake decorating or tole painting. It's a good way to explore things that you might become interested in.

  In some neighborhoods, stay-at-home moms get together for play dates and have tea and chat while the kids are playing. Look into that in your area, too. You could organize a block party by going to your neighbors, and asking each neighbor to donate one food item and one suggestion for an activity. I'm sure you could find some ideas for block parties online, too.

  Personally, I'm not terribly social anyway. Being a JW was exhausting for me because I'd rather have been at home reading a good book. I understand that each of us has our own needs and priorities. A book club might also be a good place to meet people. If you'ver never been a part of one, each person in the group reads the same book, a little bit each week, then they meet to discuss what they've read that week.

  If you bowl, join a bowling league.

  Best wishes with your fade. You have many years of happiness and freedom ahead of you.
• 

  LisaRose

  Transitions are always difficult. Allow yourself to grieve for all the relationships and support you enjoyed by being a Jehovah's Witness. That it had to be done does not mean that it doesn't hurt. All the suggestions here are good, but basically this is an issue that will resolve in time. I moved to a new area two years ago, it was hard at first. But in time, New relationships formed, new friends were made, such is life. Be open to new situations. You might not want to join a church just yet, it takes a while for the DUB mindset to adjust, but I did meet some people that way. United Church of Christ is very welcoming, and has no doctrine, very good if you are still undecided about some of the DUB doctrines. Just realize there are people here who care and there will always be someone here who has been where you are. You are not alone.
• 

  Gorbatchov

  Hi Whatnow? !

  Your story, is our story. 3 years ago we moved to another town. And my wife and I don't want to go to the KH anymore.

  Since the memorial we have not been there. No one is calling us. Moving to another town is the best way to fade!

  We don't feel lost, anyway.

  Gorby
• 

  Julia Orwell

  Hey, if you're in SE Qld we can meet up. We are both in the same boat: no meeting since memorial and needing some friends.
• 

  notjustyet

  Once the sports start with the kids, you will be posting on here, " How do you handle all the new friendships we are making since soccor started!" lol

  Really, we've been out for just 2 years and my youngest one is scheduled to play 2 games of baseball and 1 football. With that comes dinner afterwards, sleepovers, etc etc etc,..

  It will all come and again you will wonder how to slow it down somewhat.

  Hang in there.

  NJY