Who shuns you?

by Dawn 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • Francois


    You very well may have grounds for a change of custody. In some states interference with visitation, or the attempted poisoning of a child toward the non-custodial parent is grounds for a reversal of custody.

    You didn't say who has custody, but I get the idea it isn't you.


  • Gopher

    Dawn, you wrote:

    I thought that only non-family members had to shun you but family was ok as long as they don't discuss spiritual issues.

    This is what's written in the elder's manual, if I'm not mistaken. It says that JW's generally wouldn't get disfellowshipped for contact with family unless they discussed spiritual matters.

    But in the Watchtower magazine, printed for the general populace, it is stated to try to avoid all unnecessary contact with the shunned one, even if you're a family member (specifically family members living APART from the shunned one). Contact is supposed to be limited to 'necessary business', and the JW reading between the lines will discern that "the way the Society is leaning", you shouldn't make excuses to conduct business with the shunned one. Just leave them out on the vine to wilt and die!!!

    My father is an elder, and has access to both sets of rules. He has chosen to enforce the stricter rule on me and my disassociated sister. As a result, when they travel to visit old friends in our area, they ignore us (besides the obligatory phone call to check and see if we're "coming back to God's organization").

    We have one pioneer grandmother who strictly enforces the shunning, and an INACTIVE grandmother who doesn't shun us at all (but offers us theocratic literature on our way out, after the visit).

    Shunning has helped break up our family, and our parents and grandparents aren't getting any younger.

    -J.R., member, UADNA-MN
    (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Minnesota division)

    This post was not evaluated by any mental health professionals.
    Any opinions expressed are those of a fuzzy, cuddly rodent.

  • plmkrzy

    I can remember when this shunning thing began to become more of an issue regarding family. I was around __ or so years old and we just came home from the meeting, a Wednesday night. My parents were still talking about the meeting and bouncing it back and forth.

    There was a discussion regarding how we should view our blood relitives that are not in the "truth". This was in the early 70's and there was a lot of tension in the air living in the last days and all. The congergation was instructed to think seriously about who they considered "Family"

    Non believing blood relitives who will not surrive armagedon but perhaps take us down with them or our spiritual brothers and sisters who have the same desire to live in the new system with us?
    Basically CHOOSE US or Them.

    Unfortunately too many people stop reasoning for them selves and begin shunning there familys and I really believe that they're in a form of denial and don't even recognize how hurtful their actions are.
    It isn't always the case but it is way too often.
    I've been shunned by a lot of people and for years. There are a few who never shunned me but they are older mostly and new me when I was a child.

    Now I am treated politely but I don't socialize and that is why. I would not ever be invited to a baby shower or anything but if I run into someone at the store there is usually a friendly polite exchange for a min. and thats it.

    I will never allow anyone to tell me to shun my family.
    I was admonished once a long time ago for refusing to shun my girl friend who was reproved for fornication.
    I was her only friend during her pregnency, went to stay with her after she had her baby.
    She went through a period of rejecting her own child for the first month. Being a mother to this little baby was the reason she was shunned and ridiculed for going on a year.
    She was emotionally mess up for a while.
    During this time I stayed at her parents house with her and got up with the baby everynight.
    Took care of her as if she were mine. I wanted to do it because I cared about her she was my friend and everyone else including her family would not help her with the baby.

    She eventually was reinstated and married a witness. I was her maid of honor just as we planned since we were 12 and she would be mine.
    I even paid for her wedding dress because her father refused. I lived at home and the money I made working part time was pocket money so it wasn't really a big deal for me to make some payments on a dress. One of her sisters paid for the community building for the wedding. A friend of my mothers who had her own bakery made her wedding cake for free.

    I started dating another worldly guy and when we decided to get married I asked her if she would be ready to my maid of honor.
    She said No.
    In fact she would not even attend the wedding and if I was really going to go through with marrying this guy she would no longer be my friend. The elders spoke to her about bad associations and If she wanted to continue to grow spiritually she would have to be more choosy about who she associates with.

    That was the very last time I spoke to her.

    No matter how thin you slice it there are always two sides
  • ashitaka

    Just my wife's parents, and frankly, who cares? they're scum anyway.

    People in all congregations do, too.

    And they don't even have proof that I'm an apostate.


  • joelbear

    My parents are active witnesses and do not shun me.

    My brother does not shun me.

    My oldest niece semi shuns me. She talks to me online but won't see me or talk to me in public. Her husband uses the shunning policy as a power thing over her, because he is jealous of our relationship. We were very close when we were younger. He doesn't give a damn about Jehovah's Witnesses.

    My two younger nieces don't really shun me but they have drifted out of my life.

    My sister in law doesn't shun me but is extremely homophobic so I can't really be myself around her.

    I guess all my old friends would shun me. I haven't tried contacting them in quite a few years but I think I will give it a try and see what happens.



  • misty

    I DA'd in February. And of that moment, all in the congregation began shunning me (except for a DF'd one). They also cut off all contacts with my children, none of which are baptised. All were told that it was still ok to associate with my husband who was inactive at the time and who had sent a letter of resignation two years before but because of a technicallity, had not been announced! Even my 7 yr old has been shunned by his best friend and can no longer play with him.
    I send emails to those who were my 'best' friends for the last 15 yrs but never get any response.

  • misty

    BTW my husband, seeing the hypocrisy, sent another official DA letter just to make sure they got the point that you should not pit a husband against his wife and get away with it!

  • LittleToe

    Shunned by all my previous friends.
    Shunned by my in-laws.
    Barely spoken to by my immediate family, but completely shunned by my kid brother.
    Wife won't even let me pray over a meal.
    Fortunately I don't have kids, as that could be really awkward.

  • seedy3

    The only one person I know of that shuns me is my ex-wife, but who is she. My parents never shunned me, I have one sister that is a dub and she does not shunn me, But our family has never really been very close anyway, so we really don't have a lot of contact anyway. Last year when we were back in the states for a visit, we had a BBQ family get together and everyone showed up even my Jdub sister.

    I didn't talk to my parents for over a year, when they allowed my 16 yo daughter to run to mexico (even let her take teir car) and get married, just to ease their JW concience. So I suppose I shunned them more then they did me LOL. My mom has expressed to me that she wished I would come back, I just tell her that I cannot, and it is dropped. Maybe after she passes away, I will come out of the Broom closet and let the rest of my family know I pracitce a form of witchcraft, but who knows LOL.


  • LyinEyes

    Well my dad is shunning me, last time he spoke to me was last july, he was trying to get me to go to the circuit assembly . He heard thru the grapevine we ( hubby and 3 kids ) stopped going to meetings. He tried so hard to get me to go, when I did not attend , I havent heard from him since. He has not asked our other immediate family members if I am dead or alive. I am not d/a or d/f yet! But the real story is he has left me to make it on my own since my mom died over 15 yrs ago. He remarried a sister who is 8 yrs older than me and has a wonderful pioneer new daughter who is only 2 yrs older than my daughter. He has had nothing to do with my children , even when hubby was an elder and son was the pride of the circuit for his excellence in public speaking. He has never even known what kind of food my kids like , their date of birth , or anything about them. And we were supposed to be in the faith together, not to mention family. He makes me sick ,and is part of the reason I never want to see him or any of the JW's like him ever again. I hope he tries to contact me now, boy that will be a day to remember, I'm gonna lay into the man like he has never seen. Bitter sounding huh? Well I am , a few years ago while i was still in good standing, I begged him to have more to do with me , that plea went ignored . We are also beginning to be shunned by many in our local area and some other family members out of state. Honestly, we are better off without the self righteous hypocrites.

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