Guilt and paranoia, in a nutshell! Absolutely true in ly case. Guilt led to me developing a chronic anxiety disorder whic h is all but gone since leaving, but guilt and paranoia remain to an extent.
What problem did being a JW leave with your personality?
sosoconfused- very true
Since leaving I enjoy the luxury of feeling that it's OK to have an opinion other than the Wathctower's opinion on any matter
I always felt a war going on inside me whenever the WT spouted, 'Just as god's ways are higher the your ways & his thoughts higher than your thoughts' & 'Do not lean on your own understading'.
It was like I had no right to an opinion other than one sanctioned by the BORG.
The Wathctower does profound damage to individuals & their ability to think for themselves.
Meeting attendance, answering, parts on the meeting, field service, reaching out for whatever, was never me although I was a regular pioneer.I felt a sense of duty and coercion to do things not love.
i'm not the warmest person i think that plays a part in my personality.
In my post -JW life, developing tolerance of diversity in cultures and attitudes, sensitivity to other people's needs, a social conscience, charitable impulses
Hope we can warm you up Ucantnome.........
Not being able to communicate, or connect with people. Being afraid of being judged. Always doing the "right" thing, not considering what is it that you would like to do. Personal feelings & tastes don't count.
If you tell someone constantly that this world is shortly going to end, then it's hard, to be here, to commit to being in this world. I often feel like I don't belong. I shouldn't be here. There's no where else to go though. A kind of lingering sadness.
When I go to Home Depot, I get this urge to lightly knock on the doors inside.
Rub a Dub
Me? I always have been a "person" person... even being friendly to people I meet at the store, etc.
However, deciding when to "get closer" / have them to your house for dinner? I still wonder "will they rob me?" (even tho I have been "robbed" by JW's in business... ) I have a new job, and after a year or so, am getting to know the people there, and have been to dinner, they are very nice, and I have high hopes.
My sister? she use to be afraid of dying... every day... Armageddon is today! tomorrow! She has a hard time thinking of "future." Tho she does, she could be mad at "no health insurance, no pension, working until she is 80."
My husband? He feels like he has to do more, more, more. Has he done enough? Is he working at his best? What else should he be doing? He has a hard time just "enjoying the moment."
What Roberta 804 said makes alot of sense. As born-ins we all lost our childhood. The reason is they try to make children into adults. Doing adult things. Listening to adult talks that only adult should hear. We was all rob of our innocents. Something we will never get back now that we are adults. The only thing we can do is observe how others act in the world around you. Take notice of the good things they do. The kindnesses, how they treat others. Try to be silly sometimes. Find things that make you laugh. Try to get involved with a local club that you would really enjoy. I was told once on this fourm by Randy or maybe it was Simon I don't remember which that as born-ins we will never get over the mind control cult we came from. All we can do it work really hard to make life better for ourselves and those around us. Like all of you I am still arkward around other people but now unlike the cult we came from they are not judging to see where you will mess up. They just want to know if you will make a good friend. Totally ADD