What problem did being a JW leave with your personality?

by frogonmytoe 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  frogonmytoe

  And I don't (necessarily) mean a religious or spiritual one.

  For example, I think the traces of guilt and paranoia I often fight with come from being a born-in, but my biggest issue by far is not being able to live in the moment.

  I have listened to the Power of Now audiobook (and Eckhart Tolle's voice put me to sleep) so I read it instead. I have read other self-help books, most of them buddhist in leaning, but I still find it hard to stop thinking only in the future (thanks to the Great Trib, Armageddon), or in the past (Jesus, Flood, 1914 being responsible for that). And whilst I no longer believe the big A is looming, and barely give anything else a second thought, my behaviour has projected itself, and I still find it difficult just to 'be' in the moment, enjoying and savouring what I'm doing, and doing it to the best of my ability, I'm forever thinking what is coming up, and what I did badly last time.

  My sister said the last time I visited her that she felt like she was waiting for something to happen "but not like Armageddon, something else". I should've told her that is was Armageddon, but as it keeps moving further away her pathologic future-gazing was making her obsessed.

  Of course, I might be predisposed to this behaviour, but being a JW couldn't have helped.

  So what less obvious problems are you left with?
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  fakesmile

  severe cynicism.
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  Dazeds Better Half

  I realized while at work I had a difficult time thinking outside of the box, coming up creative new ideas. I tend to lean towards being told what to do and using others creativity. But now that I've recognized this I'm working on changing it. I question why we do things and why things arent done in a different way... And guess what, I'm praised when I do such things. Change is good and betters us.
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  Roberta804

  Grab the nearest 8 year old, neice, nephew, cousin, neighbor and play a board game or play catch. For us born-ins being around young children help fill the holes.
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  sosoconfused

  I have 0 ability to make friends... I can go to a party and be the center of attention - yet I have no clue how to make a friend.
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  goatshapeddemon

  Lots of this sounds familiar: thinking outside of the box and making friends with people my own age. Ugh. It's a wonder I got married, except haha, that he was a JW too so we were equally stunted in that department.

  Only now four years later am I starting to learn how to do so.
• 

  label licker

  I don't want to go anywhere. Fear of running into a witless. Can't take anymore reminders of rejection when I run into a witless. Have that feeling anytime the elders are going to call to df us. I don't even check the phone to see who has called since noone has called us since we left. Can't trust and people only want you when they want something from you yet can't take a gift from someone for it makes me feel real bad. I am not the person I was before I joined up this religion.

  Emotionally abused for sure. Now reading Steve Hassen book. I think I need more help than that. Honestly, it would feel better if I did get df'd. It wouldn't stop us from saying hi to whoever wanted to give us dirty looks for no reason. We could hang our heads high and get such satisfaction watching the witlesses make asses out of themselves as they run from us. Let them feel what they have made us feel like for the past year. Let them go and complain that we tried talking to them. Let the cobe call here and say don't do it again and what can happen?

  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
• 

  d

  I am more cynical as a result.
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  Phizzy

  I don't believe I have any personality problem that is because I was a JW. I never, even though born-in, took on board the JW "personality", I was always me, and only followed what I agreed with, because I could see it was right.

  This led to many years of the B.O.E wishing to appoint me as an Elder, but not feelingthey could do so. Someone who was loudly critical of the WT silliness just did not fit their criteria.

  Since leaving I have expunged every silly idea that I may have had a trace of, i.e that "worldly" people are not to be trusted, that there will be a Big A or similar and even that there is a God.

  Leading an evidence based life frees you from an awful lot of angst, and nonsense.

  I feel no guilt or paranoia, I am well adjusted I think, ....... but I am still hearing the "voices",....... only joking.
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  LouBelle

  fakesmile & d - I'm with you on that - I always feel people have an alterior motive, they want something from me, they want to use me, aaaaand I think I may have a little issue with abandonment issues - (left overs from the disfellowshiping)