Joy based upon faith is just not enough

by sosoconfused 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sosoconfused
    sosoconfused

    At the hieght of my Jehovah's Witnessness like most people it seemed that everything that I found joy in was always bookmarked with the "new system" that I was eagerly awaiting. If I went on vacation and I was truly enjoying a moment in the sun and total peace the first thought out of someones mouth was always, "Just imagine(I am sure everyone knows what is coming next) in the future when everyday will be like this in the new system!". then there were those anniversary parties when you are so proud someone made 20 or 25 years and the next word out someones mouth inevitably was, "This is a great milestone... but just imagine in the new system when we will say how proud we are we made it to 1 million!!!!.

    Granted I participated and indulged the iea and used that same logic at every occasion as well. But since awakening I realized that those moment did not bring me joy, instead they brought this weird feeling of sadness and uselessness. It took the joy of a wonderful moment and covered it over with my hope and faith of something that was coming that I may or may not be in... paradise. Even if I was sure to be there, the constant reminders of how much better that time would be would always diminish the joy that was to be had at that one particular moment.

    I even remember at the birth of my first child how elated I was, I was on cloud nine. My over-zealous mother says. She is so gorgeous! I can't wait till the new system when I can have more too. Then your children will be able to play with their own uncles and aunts!!! She laughed... I laughed... but once again we took all the joy out of the moment... and once again placed it on an unseen moment that we all hoped to be there for.

    It seems like the most beautiful scriptures such as Ecclesiastes 3:10-13 never really have any true meaning to a jehovah's Witness unless it pertains to the field ministry in some weird twisted way.

    Personally I would rather revel in the daily moments of joy of looking at a butterfly on a flower and thinking just how beautiful it is without worrying about how much better it will be in "the new system". I want to look at the accomplishments my kids make and rejoice with them now instead of always minimizing their current accomplishment with one that my faith leads me to believe will happen SOON.

    The life of a witness is like the kid that is told at the beginning of summer vacation that before the summer is over he is going to go to Disney World. Every day the kid thinks all day about it, he tells everyone he meets that he is going to Disney World very soon. He reads about all the things to do at Disney World. Dreams in his mind of what he will ride. Little does he know that the promise was just an empty message from his parents to get him to shut up. They had no intention of fulfilling those words. As the days of summer vacation come and go he realizes that the summer is over in just a few days and his parents seem to have forgotten. While all the other kids in the neighbor had fun at the swimming hole, basketball court and just hanging out making real memories... all he is stuck with are his dreams and broken promises...

  • humbled
    humbled

    What can I say, soso?

    You have expressed feelings from the life of a Witness that is so hard to understand, so hard to describe...

  • sosoconfused
    sosoconfused

    I am sure it was just one long mad lump of whinning LOL, it's just that looking back over the wasted time and memories it starts too burn a little

  • Sadashivom
    Sadashivom

    I can magine how you feel. When I look back to the years I was with JWs, I myself could not believe what I did--I ask myself: how could I do that? When the Bible describes the Governments of this world as "God's minister," (Romas 13:4) JWs view them as Satan's agents, and refrain from voting! Can there be a better joke than this?

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    I find joy now in living a satisfying life. I'm happy in my own skin and don't look outward (to the Borg) for approval. I'm just little old me and happy to be. I think joy is born out of contentment with oneself.

  • sosoconfused
    sosoconfused

    @StAnn - those are the exact feelings I have. At first I was really troubled. I was so concerned about what others would think and how they would feel. In actuality, those are the last thoughts one should have on thier mind. Why go to the grave happy that you denied yourself everything just to make sure others looked at you favorably. When you have the option of dying knowing you enjoyed your life

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    I think joy in the now is so much better than joy in an imaginary future.

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    You have nailed one of the many drawbacks of a end time focused religion. It steals the joy out of every moment, because nothing is as perfect as what we imagine it will be like in the new system, and the religion made us feel too guilty to enjoy the ordinary pleasures of life. The reality is we only ever have the moment we are in right now, perfect or not, so enjoy it. It's not a dress rehearsal.

  • sosoconfused
    sosoconfused

    Must live life now...

    I have a 70+ year old father and a 65+ year old mother. I look at their lives and they have been a total an utter waste. I never really remember them being genuinely happy about anything ever. Everything was always negative and what we were not doing and how we could do more for Jehovah... they never accepted promotions at work... they never ever took us on vacation... the struggled financially with all of their children all with the hope that we would enjoy life in the new order together stroking pandas.

    here they are retired... living off SS and still never having gone on a real vacation, or bought anything they liked or ever had a hobby. My mother still pioneers and my dad is still an overworked elder loosing his mind from the stress thinking he is pleasing god. Still so busy with this theocratic activity that they missed both of their grandchildrens graduation because they had a bible study... and the woman didn't even show.

    What a waste

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    all he is stuck with are his dreams and broken promises...

    So true.....unless one is so entrenched that the pipe dream of the New World is kept alive right up to death. I have known a lot who seemed to maintain their faith burning bright until they died. I say "seemed' because you never knew what was really in their heart.?

    It is, as psychologists tell us, necessary to live in the present moment, rather than putting happiness off until something good happens in the future

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