I am bi-polar and life can be very tough with that. I am so thankful for the Pharmeceutical supply scheme in Australia (would America take notice!) because by this i get essential medications for a fraction of the retail cost. So I am thankful and greatful. I am married many years and most of those without any appreciation or giving of intimacy. try as jambon 1 says to "make each day count". I do random acts of kindness. i try to laugh even when those around you are so sour faced.
i have found my thinking to be years ahead of the wts and would often come out with un-popular answers in the wt study(Ie not cloning the party line) and i never knew why. i would give of myself to my own and to the cause and it took years before i clicked that they the wts and many jw want robots not carers.
Back to plan "A" I have useful creative hobbies. I look after this aging body that i inhabit. Yes and i write very short emails to the Prime Minister and other 'Leaders' as I see fit, that is occasionally. Yes i have fears for the future but not of death as I have near death experience and death itself dying is not to be feared.
I shared my music at work and when my back was turned they turn it right down and then say we didnt turn it off. Such infantile behaviour from middle aged women. I shared laughter until at work just caught one of my colleagues (female again) doing a wanking sign behind the lewd book she was reading in response to a funny that had all laughing their heads off. This is the second time i have caught her doing and all the while to my face (as with everyone else) she is as nice as pie. So I have answer I just dont talk to her or the likes at all. Problem solved. I move on. and I do so with no guilt at all.
I have a tiny band of friends out side of work and never locked myself into the people of 'the-truth' as so many b&s do. I have a lady aquaintance who is a lesbian. I have worked with men who i realized after a time were gay. They did their work, were honest types and punctual.
I have recently scraped over the 'mine' of malignant melanoma. My wife still in turned from the tv and the book study on her lap and asked over the top of her lounge chair after i had had the second excision results (OK) "..how did you go with the doctor?" My confirming a positive result received a .."Oh good" I mention this because others (not jw) on hearing this threw their arms about me whispered "Praise God' in my ear and gave me a kiss. They are warm loving caring and positive folk and this is all i endevour to be. I skim the wt and like us all can predict what it will say and find it devoid of love or admonition to love or care. Yes if you care you will get many many hurts for even the apostles of Jesus hurt him.
and i keep busy, I have no guilt of anything though many regrets and there are some who love me. thats plenty for me.