Shepherding call

lostinthought

So, on Sunday I left the meeting and was sitting in my car putting my keys in the ignition, an elder pulled on my door handal and opened up. I rolled my eyes, this man is annoying...anyway he asked if I was going to be around Wednesday. I told him I should be. He said "we wanna have a shepherding call with you, you're not in trouble or anything, just going through the list in my group". His statements lead me to believe that I am in some sort of "trouble" with them. I am pretty regular the meetings I miss maybe one every three or four meetings but I have given up in field service this year, I don't remember if I turned in time last month. Granted, his wife is one of the reasons why I totally stopped service, she snitched on me to my sister, telling her that I have no rv's when we worked together in service and that I always left right after the meetings were over. So her comments about the no rvs was the last straw for me and I never met the group again.

Anyway, I know if I really don't want to go to through with it all I don't have to, but you know they'll hound me until I meet with them. And I know I can lie to them and claim some kind of problem or illness as the reason why I don't care to go out anymore, but I'm really tired and I really don't care about most witnesses and their conditional friendships anymore...it's my family that I care about and I'm not ready to loose them so I'm sloooooly trying to fade, little by little, but in a meeting with the elders like this I'm really afraid I will tell them my true feelings and my life could change in an evening...

cantleave

Sorry Brother I neither need or want a shepherding call. Thank you for thinking of me but NO THANKS!

happy@last

Then just don't say anything, nod in agreement, tell them you are stressed, that's all. He probably just wants to tick the box that he's done his shepherding.

breakfast of champions

a) next time tell him to get his fucking hands off your car and close the door

b) for now, text him or whoever else is involved "Sorry, but I'm not interested in meeting with you. Thanks." Theyres really nothing they can do.

It also always amazes me how I'm "not the only one" and they mention "the list" they're going through.

lostinthought

a) next time tell him to get his fucking hands off your car and close the door

Lol! Too funny...

LV101

What a jerk opening your car door handle --- aggressive animal! I would have continued with my driving and let him hold on.

Some good advice from happy@last above. Nod 'em on and I'd kill em with kindness.

DesirousOfChange

If you want to stay under the radar and continue on in a gradual fade, you'll probably have to agree to a shepherding call.

If your meeting attendance comes up in conversation, adamantly claim that you do not believe your attendance is any worse than anyone else. (75% attendance is normal here.)

If you inactivity in service comes up, just claim stress & depression.

DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT express any doubts about doctrine nor any concern for the Spirit-Directed F&DS (now GB).

Expressions such as,

I guess we can continue to feel greater stress as this system of things nears its end.

I think I've been very fortunate in the past as I've seen SO many brothers & sisters deal with these kind of things, so why would I think I'm exempt from it?

I appreciate the time & effort of you brothers. I know I talk to many in other congregations who say their BOE never do any 1-on-1 shepherding. I feel very fortunate to be in such a loving congregation.

Good luck,

Doc

Hortensia

"Oh I'm having such a struggle, dear elder. Your wife has turned out to be the most egregious gossip, and I'm so discouraged now. I'm trying to forget and forgive, but, it isn't easy when someone I looked up to turned out to be so unkind. I hope you'll understand."

smiddy

I had an experience a couple of years before I actually left ,it must have been me getting sick of the bullshit even then.

It was at a service meeting ,an elder who was sitting in front of us at the conclusion of the mtg.turned around acknowledged us and said words to the effect "hi ,I must come around and pay you a visit at home " I looked at him square in the eye and said point blank",dont bother ,you never gave us the time of day at the book study ,so i dont need you to come and pay us a visit at home with a shepherding call "" He just stared at me in utter disbeleif .

Background :We were in a bookstudy group that an elder conducted and their was a new couple that had joined our group he being an elder from somewhere else and they were very clicky ,thick as theives so to speak ,they never spread themselves around in the group after the meetings and so we never had a rapport with either of them.They were aloof to those in the book Study group.So when he said that I just snapped .

It was about that time I saw a number of elders who exalted themselves over the rest of the rank and file whose egos ran away with them ,now dont get me wrong ,their were also a few elders who I had great respect for ,fair dinkum dinky di guys ,who were genuine human beings who cared for members in the congregation.

smiddy

tijkmo

man when i was a shepherd i would have considered myself a complete failure at my job if i had to open with the words, 'we want to visit for a shepherding call - you're not in any trouble'

Shepherding call

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