I consider myself functional, for the most part. I have a few areas that I still need to work on. I recently came to the conclusion that the JWs taught me too well not to express my true feelings, to the point I didn't fully even understand what my feelings were. I believe it was because in Witness culture, you were not allowed to admit you were unhappy, as that is seen as implied criticism of the org itself. This was aggravated by a bad first marriage and my own nature. It has been difficult, but I have made improvement, more improvement needed.
Since You Were In A Cult Do You Consider Yourself Still Dysfunctional?
by minimus 27 Replies latest jw friends
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transhuman68
*raises hand* Yep I'm completely dysfunctional. I think I was given the wrong map when I was born, and while everyone else has been pleasantly strolling along the Road of Life, I've been crashing through the jungle alongside, falling into swamps and getting scratched and bitten by all the wild things out there. My life is like that of a JW- totally wrong, but it seems right.
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Lady Lee
As far as the cult stuff goes it doesn't bother me. I'm not depressed about my mother shunning me. In her case she does me a favor by staying out of my life. I was able to go to college and then university. I had a career I loved.
Last year was a huge shock to me when my youngest daughter who is not a witness told me she didn't want a relationship with me. Since then I have found out that she had cut herself off from everyone who cared about her and is on a destructive streak that I can't do anything about. But I was shocked and as soon as I realized how much it upset me I went back into therapy for a few weeks. I've had therapy before and sat on both sides of the desk so-to-speak so I found it very helpful to talk to someone outside of the situation. I have a lot of skills I have used through the years that helped me get through this shock and by Christmas I had my final test when I was in the same room as her and managed to get through it without major upset.
Reaching out and getting help when we need it is functional. Not getting the help we need is dysfunctional.
When I walked into the therapists office I told her I had been a JW and that it is like one huge extremely dysfunctional family with all the nonsense of this one not talking to that one, and this one not coming because that one was invited yadda yadda yadda. She got the point.
There may be upsets int he future but I know I can handle them and if I can't I know I can get help and I know how to get it. We do not need to suffer in silence.
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Gojira_101
Since I'm just recently out of the cult, I'm finding it very hard to have a "normal" life. My husband and I pretty much just stay home and don't socialize with other people. We didn't really socialize with JW's because, well, everyone knows what they are like. And we couldn't socialize with "worldly people" I hate that term so much now. We are trying to break that attitude, but it's so hard because I was a born in and have always had the association thing shoved down my throat.
We have started to hang out with non-JW's here at home, inviting them over and just last week, we took my friend out to dinner for her B-day, but the whole time I thought some JW was going to see us or be struck by lightening.... or some thing terrible would happen....and nothing did.
Next week there is a local social thing going on related to my work and we are going to try and go. We are starting small, it's just hard when I've had my mind frelled for almost 30 years, but I'm hoping by time my B-day this summer, I will be ready and able to rock out, since this will be the first time celebrating my B-day ever. Some of my non-JW's friends have already said they are going to throw me a party that will make up for 30 years of no parties.
For me the social aspect is the dysfunctional part of my life right now. I still have my parents because they left the cult and I have my husband. It sucks because I've wasted 30 years of my life in the cult, but I'll still young enough now to start a new life.
I do find it interesting though how much I have changed since I left. I have parts of my personality coming out that I didn't even know I had because I kept it surpressed. This is a good thing!
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whathappened
I am skeptical of almost everything now. I realized I have been duped by a group of people that I thought were from God, I can't trust my own judgement nor the judgement of others. I guess I am dis functional, yes.
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zeb
I am bi-polar and have had a rough time in my working life and school for that matter as I am also dyslexic. Hmm that could be the opening line for a joke. Did you hear the one about...
But I have gone to college and have met some some great people (and also some morons) made some great friends that have stayed the distance. I have aslo thumbed my nose at the memories of school and life that insisted that i was useless. So going to college gave me my self worth for the first time. Out of this i was also able to deflect the 'everything is evil' thought that came with being a jw. and I saw through the control mechanics of the wts. all this at a personal level. THEN came the www. and i have found that I am not alone and I have learned of the experience of others in congregations all round the world.....
Still dysfunctional ? well i will go to the Psychiatrist once a while "I like talking to you" he says and I am on a steadying dose of medications.
I do random acts of kindness. I love the see smiles. I love to hear laughter. I have useful hobbies. I can and I am willing to talk about issues and things other than the 'the-truth'.
Being to proud to seek help is dysfunctional. You are spot lady lee.
Sorry to hear about the daughter too. If she is a pre teen or a teen I suggest a naturopath who will likely recommend some vitamin B6.
Big Hugs.
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OnTheWayOut
I am not dysfunctional, and no matter what everyone says, I am not in denial.
And stop telling me that over 16,000 posts in 6 years is a bit much. (Would have been more, but I left JWN when it was going to close.)
And how do you know there aren't elders in those white vans outside my home?
We all have our reasons for staying awhile (or more) on JWN, and that is fine. I have a feeling that the least dysfunctional ex-JW's are not on here reading this.
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Lady Lee
zeb my daughter is 36 and is on her own now.
Being to proud to seek help is dysfunctional. You are spot lady lee.
I don't think it is a matter of being too proud for most people. I know I was just plain scared that someone would think I was crazy and lock me up forever.
I think many people think most therapists wouldn't understand. My most recent therapist had never had an exJW client before but she knew all about dysfunctional families. It helps that after 28 years out of a cult I know a lot of the pitholes and having been a counselor myself I know how to frame things so she will understand the tactics of the WTS in terms of dysfunctional families.
If you read the book Toxic Parents but WTS/JWs for "parents" just about everything fits very well and will help you make sense of what has happened to you.
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Lady Lee
OTWO
I don't think the amount of time a person is here has anything to do with how functional or dysfunctional they are. Peeople come and go as they need.
I think sites like this one can help the exiting JW through a terrible time. Like for anyone the internet can become a substitute for real life. But what I see here is that most people begin to develop their loves outside this little world in here while they come to visit people they know will understand their particular problems post JW
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ohiocowboy
Yes, I too still have issues relating to the Watchtower. Seeing the honest responses of those who are still having trouble coping is awesome. Admitting that we have issues is the first step in true recovery, and just the mere acknowledgement makes us LESS dysfunctional!