Really ?
Good.
I don't like being dragged into the mix and labeled negatively purely by association on something that has nothing to do with me, or anything being said collectively.
Distrust and paranoia among faders
by cedars 77 Replies latest jw friends
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AwareBeing
Since the 2013 summer article of the W.T. says that the "evil slave" comes from the servant;
that then disqualifies the Bible Students as apostates, and us faders & friends are being demonized!
So all the abusive terminology that was once reserved for "in the know" types & splinter groups of JW's;
is now used as a targeted attack on individuals like us, survivors of the WT&BTS's "spiritual abuse".
Like the Inquisition of the dark ages; power must be restored: first it's heresy as a group gets labeled,
then to stop their flock from running "into the wilderness"... individuals are picked out to be persecuted.
Thus; you can count on the elders to be calling us non-meeting attenders: "apostates" for "standing aside".
That's why when we go out in public, Witnesses don't great us; unless they want to know all our business!
Their conflicted between spreading gossip about us, verses obeying their slanderous G.B.'s orders to un-love us!
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alecholmesthedetective
Exactly!
What happened to "continue to love your enemies and pray for those persecuting you"? And " do not be considering him as an enemy, but continue admonishing him as a brother"?
Alec
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Brother of the Hawk
After being a Jw for over 40 years, and hopefully on a quiet fade. There is rumor of what is happening to my family, my mom and sister in-law, mostly, but I have for alot of years not been so tight with many JWs. Only two or three come to mind. And they know who they are. I saw to much hypocrisy in the conduct of men, so I pretty much stayed away from them. So I do not have any close relationships with any JW. I guess it is a good thing. My wife and daughter are also not so close with anyone. Just a select few. So If I do get found out and have to face a JC, I DON'T CARE!!!!
If people cannot accept me for me, than I dont want their friendship either.
Affectionately: Brother of the Hawk (I will surrender my mind no more, forever)
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goatshapeddemon
Yeah. We're living that dream. Only we (husband and i) don't care if we get DF, but our hands are tied because of the impact to others in the family. Makes it extra hard because we'd like to shout our freedom from the rooftops.
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rubadubdub
Cedars asked:
I'm interested in knowing whether any other faders out there ever find themselves feeling a little paranoid about establishing contact with other faders or former JWs, just in case the unthinkable happens and things turn sour.
Unlike you, Cedars, I really have so little to lose-- one very dear dub friend who I have lunch with monthly and my 86-year-old in-laws who have been "in" for over 50 years each (Bethelyellowdollarbag's parents). They live half-way across the country in the infamous town of "Freedonia" of the Marx Brothers Duck Soup fame. They are Luddites and do not own a TV or a computer. My MIL is a "meaner than a junk-yard dog" dub. NEVER liked her. FIL was a P.O., but is being eased out of his various positions (Congregation Secretary, RBC, Field Service Group Overseer) because of his age and unwillingness to connect with the bOrg collective via the Internet. I see the hurt and bewilderment in his eyes and hear it in his voice. It makes me sad. We only see them once every five years or so, and may never see them again. They have a rotary dial phone, hence no caller ID. They shun my hubby and our two children. My hubby calls them whenever there is a major storm in their area or ours to check in. The phone conversations are getting dramatically shorter with the new info on shunning. I do believe that if they had caller ID, they wouldn't pick up when their son calls. Hubby wants me to try to fog them as long as possible to maintain some contact (monthly snail mail), even though they have made it very clear that they neither want, nor need any help from him/us. They have made it abundantly clear that the WTB$ will be getting every penny of their considerable wealth. I have no family in The Lie.
That being said, I won't play by bOrg rules and DA myself. When I first walked away I wrote a DA letter. It was therapeutic. I was angry, but I sat with the anger and didn't send the letter. I just want to live my life in peace. We live in a small town. If I run into a dub, I keep it light and simple. I don't want to deal with shunning. We only have a few years until retirement, and we won't be retiring here. My hubby has business ties with known, long-time apostates from my former congregation. I am reluctant to make any overtures, not because I distrust them, but because the elders may be watching. There are also long-time faders who I would like to be open with, but don't approach for the same reason. I would trust them not to intentionally "out" me, but they still have family "in", and they may slip up. So yes, I am a tad paranoid.
I am just living my life. My DF'd son is fully part of my life; I go to yoga classes; I voted; I attended a public 9-11 remembrance ceremony and pledged allegience to the flag (No one needs to be inflicted with my singing the National Anthem); I thank military personnel for their service and have even hugged them when my gesture brought tears to their eyes; I celebrate holidays; etc. Any one of these things could get me DF'd. I accept the risk, and I accept that. It is what it is in this moment. At the same time I am not in their face about anything I'm doing, for example, I see no reason to put up a huge Christmas tree and decorate my house with lights; my children are grown. One lives six hours away here in the US, the other teaches in Guatemala City. We celebrated my first Christmas "out" in "Guate"! What a hoot! Adults and children alike dressed as super heroes dancing in the public squares!
I openly post here and on the Yuku ex-jw forum. I don't hide details. I am being me for the first time in my known memory. This ia an important part of my healing process. I am even more open now that my hubby has begun posting here and attended the premier of The Truth be Told documentary in Brooklyn, NY with me. Hubby faded over 30 years ago, but is only now learning TTATT. Even a month ago he defended JWs as "mostly having it right and fairly benign". He is now posting on a sub-Reddit forum for now athiest exiting ex-jws and is enjoying it. I guess I'm saying that we all have to move through the exiting process in our own time and our own way, "counting the cost"TM which it sounds like you are trying to do. I know I have moved through the anger stage into acceptance. If they DF/DA me, so be it.
The interesting question for me now seems to be, once we retire far, far away; whether or not I am officially DF'd/DA'd, would I ever mention having been a dub to anyone in our new community? I have heard of stories where someone mentioned they used to be a JW, and because of some random link that person has to the bOrg, the elders come knocking. At some point I want to put this all behind me and leave it there. In the meantime I will give back to the community that has supported me through this very rough transition in my life after 42 years in a cult.
BTW If two elders ever showed up at my door with posts from Rubadubdub, I would have no problem with playing dumb, as in, "I have know idea what you are talking about. Rubadubdub, who?, ex-jw forum, what? What does this have to do with me?"
Rubbity
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AwareBeing
BTTT... Yes!
Especially when meeting ex-jehovah's witnesses on http://www.meetup.com/
Not because it's bad, it's that you want to go someplace near your home.
This cold put the word out on you, if someone starts to go back to meetings.
They may know a person, who has "friends" in one of your former congo's!
When our family visited a member of JWN in SoCal, we had now such fears.
Today, we're not so uptight about it, and actually went to homes to re-great them.
We gave these some updates, but couldn't tell them everything.
A few we told all the dirty secrets to about WT, and the local hall.
They would say: "I know there was something wrong! That it wasn't you guys!"
Yet we still feel that there is an intent to harm us by some, and when we sense it...
we avoid these ones.
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ABibleStudent
How many JWs and ex-JWs are afraid to make new non-JW friends, because of WTBTS induced phobias?
My former friend who is a "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JW, was afraid to be seen with me in public because she was very, very afraid that JWs who knew her would ask her questions or tell the elders. That fear of being seen by other JWs was probably the biggest red flag for me that something was rotten with the WTBTS.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert