Is the grass greener on the other side?

by What Now? 34 Replies latest jw experiences

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  What Now?

  Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies!

  Boy when you read all these reasonable replies you can realize how silly you're being :)

  I just want to clarify that I don't mean to imply at all that all so called "worldly" people are wicked and immoral, the way the watchtower paints them to be. I guess sometimes I just find it hard to readjust my thinking after a lifetime of being told to think that. Even my mother, after finding out that we're hanging out more with our non witness family, went on this huge rant about how I shouldn't think too highly of these people, how they all talk about each other behind their backs, how she wouldn't trust any of them with her life.

  And you're right, I'll be the first person to tell you that witness kids are not necessarily the best association - I was technically "bad association" for a few years!

  I guess some of my frustration is coming from the fact that we have tried to branch out, meet new people. I've enrolled my son in toddler programs, tried taking classes, hoping to meet new friends, but so far nothing has panned out.

  Ultimately, I DON'T want the witness life for my son. We are a happier family when we aren't going to the meetings or in service. I want him to be who he authentically is, without trying to fit into some witness mold.

  I guess that's my answer...
• 

  ndmom73

  Hello, I guess I just wanted to say that having raised four kids in the "world" because I left the JW's as a teenager, I am extremely proud of my kids. They have great friends, and are all wonderful, amazing kids. Being in the JW's doesn't make you wholesome, in fact my personal experience is the exact opposite.

  Raising your child(ren) to be good people has nothing to do with a certain religion, my kids have friends from many faiths. Some are Morman, some are Catholic, they vary from other religious groups and some aren't religious at all. Being religious doesn't guarantee a good kid, what does make a difference in my experience is keeping kids active in activities that they love. Finding kids from other backgrounds who share the same passions (dance, music, sports, art, etc) and whose parents are also involved in their lives gives kids a great support system.

  I know the parents of the children my kids are friends with. We are not friends, we don't spend free time together, but we chat in passing, share contact information, add each other on facebook, whatever it takes for our kids to know that we care and are involved with their choice of friends. When my husband passed away, some of the first people to reach out to me and my kids were these parents. They brought meals, helped financially, spent time with my kids, etc.

  Being a single parent is hard, but even in dealing with the loss of a parent my kids have continued to thrive and grow. They are happy, loving, giving, polite, caring, extremely well-adjusted children/young adults. To a JW my kids would be considered "worldy" and I couldn't be more proud of my amazing "worldy" kids. :)
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  Ding

  With respect, I think you need to take responsibility for your own life and for your own parenting rather than turning it all over to the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.

  You can raise your son to be fine human being without putting him under the control of the GB.

  If you think religion is important for your son, you can teach him to believe and follow Bible principles without being JWs.

  The idea that you can't is a fear and a lie that has been programmed into you by the organization; it assumes that only JWs are moral individuals, good parents, and Christians.

  You said that JWs are "the kind of people I want to be friends with. Just without the obligation of having to do meetings and service."

  But that's the one thing you CAN'T do.

  Watchtower friendship is 100% conditional.

  It's conditioned on your submission to the authority of the organization; otherwise, you are "bad association."

  You know this is so.

  If you don't attend meetings and do service, you and your family will be branded as spiritually weak. Your son will still have peer pressure. He will hear from these "friends" that you and he will be destroyed at Armageddon any day now if you don't "serve Jehovah." That means meetings and field service. He will be begging you to go so he can be with his "friends." He will be begging you to go too so you don't get destroyed at Armageddon.

  They are JWs. You know that means they will do their best to indoctrinate your son in "the truth." Do you really want someone else training your son to believe doctrines that you yourself don't believe or take seriously? Do you really want him to buy into "the truth" and spend the rest of his life going door to door trying to convert people into those doctrines? Where's the morality in that?

  The bottom line is this: Do you or do you not want your son to be a Jehovah's Witness?

  That's a question only you can answer.
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  clarity

  Just a quick note about " so far nothing has panned out."

  >

  Been there done that ... but finally realized the barrier btw me

  and (W) people was the brainwashing.

  >

  Thoughts like .... this friendship can't really go anywhere,

  because ARMAGEDDON is coming! Why bother.

  >

  I want to be an ( author, doctor, teacher, police etc) buuuuttt...

  what's the point, takes too much time, running out of time and

  Watchtower won't like it ... I'll be marked as spiritually weak.

  >

  So the barrier is in your mind, not that 'worldly' people are wicked

  and abnormal or are unfriendly.

  >

  Get your feet under you, and go out & greet the world

  without that JW mindset

  clarity
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  MsD

  If you choose to not go to meetings and service I highly doubt that the JW friends you do have will want to hang out with you, have you associate with their kids. They will easily cut you off.

  I've never been baptized but studied, went to meetings for almost 10 yrs! I recently decided to stop doing all that specifically for my children's sake.

  I am a mom of a 8 yr old, 6 yr old and 18 mth old. I made many friends within the Org and they invited us to many social outings with the kids, parties, dinners over the years. Once I stopped studying they've discontinued any contact with me. Why?

  It just seems crazy to me but obviously normal to them. It's not like I knew these people for a couple months. My children practically grew up with them since they are within the same age gap. It's disturbing on so many levels to me that they would choose to withdraw themselves out of my life so easily just because I don't fully agree with the religion.

  Trust me, you don't want your child exposed to that! My children go to school and so will yours and sooner if not later will experience the good, the bad and the ugly. That is the world we live in. At some point they will realize no one is perfect. You are the one who's responsible to teach him these things! There are good and bad people everywhere regardless of what religion they follow.

  I too used to think the best association for my children would be those within the Org but I eventually realized this isn't true. It may take you some time to realize that but at some point I believe you are going to have to choose whether you should be in the organization or not. It's only a matter of time.

  I hope you make the right choice for you and your family
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  Apognophos

  I can totally relate to where you're coming from, What Now?, because I'm still trying to let go of the black and white thinking too. Being inside of a church, for instance, is still an unthinkable thing for me, personally (oh no, Babylon the Great!).

  But it's probably worth adding that, because I grew up as a Witness and only occasionally had friends within the congregation (not wanting to hang out with the fakers), I was rather isolated growing up. I didn't feel lonely, but my lack of friends didn't exactly help when I was on the verge of killing myself as a teenager. I figured I was going to die at Armageddon anyway because I couldn't rein in my sexual desires the way the Society wanted me to. I was trying to be good, but I just couldn't measure up to their standards.

  As far as anyone in the congregation was concerned, or my parents, I was a golden child who could do no wrong. I mention this because things seemed perfect in my life up until I hit my teenage years, but suddenly I wasn't able to handle things on my own, and I didn't have anyone I felt I could confide in. It almost killed me. That's the kind of situation that a strict upbringing can lead to.
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  Suraj Khan

  There are excellent comments in this thread. I think part of the problem may be the result of the false dichotomy the organization has planted in your mind. One is either "in the truth" or out. One is either a Witness or wicked. Witnesses don't do grey areas very well. I was born-in and slipped out the back door in my teens - faking illnesses, doing whatever I had to do to get out. I made my final break when I went to a four year college after high school, and I was promptly shunned by my entire family, who believe to this day that I fell headlong into an orgy of sin and wickedness. Here's the thing though: I didn't. I didn't drink a drop of alcohol in college. I wasn't promiscuous. I didn't experiment with drugs. I didn't even smoke cigarettes. I was, by any reasonable estimation, a responsible, quiet, studious young man. And my daughters, both teenagers now, are also respectful, chaste, and drug and alcohol free. (Though getting them to do their homework in a timely manner is an entirely other thing.) Please don't buy into the false dichotomy. YOU can choose how to parent your children. Don't let an organization that repeatedly moves the goalposts of "The Truth" be your crutch. Can you imagine your relationship with your children as adults when they learn TTATT for themselves?
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  dog is god

  Number 1. Why do you give the "opinions of family or a man made organization" so much clout. God gave you a brain. Show me the specific scripture that says the word...short skirt...smoking...tats...putting preaching time into a massive money making Corporation so they can show stats that they say shows THEY are the ONLY TRUTH. What's happening is like when the Priests started proclaiming their holiness by the length of the tassels on their robes. #2. Do you want your son to have normal friends, or be an outsider...a freak...lonely...uneducated...married to a dowdy girl who is supressed in thought. Brings to mind what Jesus said," You've made the word of God invaled because of YOUR traditions". Their fearful selfrighteous judgement is about themselves...not you. Do you really want your son to grow up without a sense of the future...having dreams...having goals? Wanting to plan for travel, being well read, a socially well balanced and great interpersonal conversationalist? Keep him within the walls of your families self imposed physical outward show of their interpretation of Christianity or the Corporations limitations will have the power to scar him on many levels. BE strong, be brave and just live well...don't discuss it with them. It's really crossing a big boundry for them to say what they do. A therapist of mine once said, "Being in a small congregation is like living in a small town....no boundries, no privacy and very limited contentment".
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  dog is god

  I hope I didn't sound unkind. I just feel really strongly about this. Another thing to think of is your son's relationships with non JW relatives. When all the 'in family; is gone he will have no family. As far a making friends....it takes years. Because you have a son you will be in the clubs of the other mom's with kids your sons age. They make become lifelong friends. Join a group of something you'd like to do or learn. Classes are to short to build friends but Camping, Fishing, Book, Bowling, Cards, Elks, YMCA gyms, PTA, flying, horses, dog breed clubs, etc. You will meet people in your community and will find an easy bond with time. Make sure you invite them over....have kids days. You will not feel alone. All my heartfelt best to you. I wish someone had given me this advise when I was young.
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  Giordano

  Would you allow your child to die for want of a blood transfusion if your child was in a terrible accident and that was the only way to save him or her? If you don't even have to think about the answer then your question is answered.

  Do you want your child to learn music, play a sport, get a good education or pass that up so they will be fully accepted at the KH?

  Are you prepared to be shunned by your child if you decided to leave the 'truth' 15 or 20 years from now?

  Is the grass Greener?

  If you live the kind of life that allows for critical thinking, independence when it comes to personal choice, the pursuit of knowledge, and the ability to associate with good people from all walks of life............then yes it is greener, safer and stimulating.