Its been a long time since i last posted, but life is being rough again

by akafreelife 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • tec

    In addition to what others have stated (especially the part about making friends without necessarily romance in mind), do not take all the blame for this failed relationship onto yourself. Whether she got a taste for freedom and wanted it back when she went away for the weekend, or something else entirely, this is not all on you. She will have had her own issues. So please keep that foremost in your mind.

    Some women are not good at ending a relationship. So they peel the bandaid off slowly. (asking you to move out, agreeing to and then cancelling plans, the gradual cold shoulder, etc) This draws out your pain, unfortunately, and you spend weeks and months second guessing yourself, wondering what YOU did wrong. It tears down the self-esteem. So as Loz said, you need to work on building that back up.

    I'm sorry you're hurting. There is nothing wrong with your feelings of hurt; these are natural, and you know that they will pass. Just remember to pick yourself up, and keep living. Consider telling yourself what you would tell a friend in the same situation.

    Peace and strength to you,


  • akafreelife

    You all are awesome this is what i really needed to hear. I am greatful for this. Its just hard when there is no one around to tell you these things without them throwing in "if you would just come back to the truth you would be loved" which is what my mom and dad usually hit me up with.

  • exwhyzee

    This is just a snap diagnosis of your difficult situation based on very little information and never having met you.

    You sound pretty needy (not a criticism or judgement). She sounds like she's lost respect for you for some reason (too needy maybe?) If my wife asked me to move out because she needed space, I'd say "you need move out" I can't imagine thinking so little of myself that I'd tolerate being treated that way nor would I ever grovel my way back into her good graces (unless I did something wrong)

    You are in mourning over this...don't make any big decisions (relationships, moves, purchases etc) until youve put some time behind you. She may think more of you if she sees you've genuinely adjusted and are thriving and doing well without her. Behave well and be an adult about this. No one likes to be clung onto and no one respects someone who they think will fall apart without them or is always at their beck and call. Know your own self worth and without being militant about it, don't allow others to walk over you or have the power to devestate you like this.

  • problemaddict

    Hey man, I don't really know you but my heart goes out to you. And being awkward when it comes to others and especially the opposite sex because of feelings of wanting to be loved and approved of, is hardly a trait unique to ex-JW's.

    What you are going through is just not an original script. I don't say that to hurt your feelings, but sometimes its good in situations like this, to know you are not unique.

    Woman can be a mystery, but whathappened is right. When they are down for you, they act down for you. When they aren't they aren't. She is not. Its best to remove yourself from the situation, and maybe try to have a frank adult conversation with her as to what the real reason is that she drew away. That conversation only works if you remain mature and together for it. Otherwise, don't have it.

    You will find new friends. You are not alone.

  • akafreelife

    Well i just got back from picking my stuff up. That was one of the hardest things i have had to do emotionally in a long time. We said our goodbyes and i think that is the last time i will see her. Sad but i think it had to occur this way.

  • shamus100

    Have you considered counselling? If you spoke to someoNe face to face it would help immensely.

  • akafreelife

    i dont have insurance right now so i cant afford counciling unfortunatly. I did go through some when i was deprograming from being a jw but that was a couple years ago. That is how i got rid of my anger towards my parents and have learned how to deal with them.

  • PaintedToeNail

    Hey, remember what I told you on the phone, try to get out and volunteer helping others who are worse off than you. Helping people can make you feel really good. You are from a particularly needy family, but really, you have everything it takes to be a complete person yourself, you are intelligent, attractive, love animals. You like to cook, you love you son. You are worth so very muc h...and you make a mean chicken papriksh.

  • Captain Obvious
  • OnTheWayOut

    You are a valuable person. It is very very very hard to find the right person. It sounds like you had to make many concessions to keep her, and it still didn't happen. I think the problem lies with her, since she hasn't really been able to be upfront with you.

    Sorry to hear this bad news. I think next time you might not move in together so quickly. I have a friend who is willing to give his all to a good woman, yet hasn't found that woman. Relationships are hard. Some people are afraid to make that committment.

Share this