Its been a long time since i last posted, but life is being rough again

by akafreelife 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • akafreelife

    It has been a long time since i was on here and life has gone many different ways since then. Been married and getting divorced, and now have a son. Life has not been kind to me since i have left the org. My lack of skills relating to people sucks ass. When I do start a relationship I am constantly taken advantage of being that i have such a desire to feel love and friendship being that i had lost everything when i left.

    I was dating a girl recently and I really fucked it up i think. I was feeling so alone and like such a island in the sea of humanity that I immedatly latched onto her and maybe smothered that relationship. We dated for about 5 months and basicly lived together from about 2 weeks into our relationship. didn't intend it to be that way but we spent so much exclusive time together that it kinda just happened. I gave my all to this woman i treated her like a princess and was very loving to her and her childern. About the begining of december she went with some friends to Chicago to see a weekend concert and things were never the same since. I didn't try to hold her back from going or anything but when she came back she seemed to keep a distance from me. This continued up through the holidays we had made plans to be with her family for xmas being that i am the only one outside of my childern in my family who celebrates. About 2 days before Christmas she told me being that i had my son we needed to not come to her mom and dads. She knew that i had him when we made plans but hey i adapted. So Christmas was very lonely. About 2 days later she tells me we need to talk. She proceeds to tell me that I need to move out and that she needs her space back but she did not want to break up. I didn't argue so i started looking imediatly and found something within a few days. I had not moved out yet by the time New years came around. I figured that i would spend New Years eve with the woman who said she loves me but I was wrong again. She went with her kids to a event downtown but ended up leaving early. She did not want to come home to me though to celebrate she decided to go to a friends instead. This deeply hurt me but i kept it to myself. I finally got into my new house on jan 5th and was hoping that this would make things better between us but it was rocky. I had asked her shortly after i had moved out if she would spend my birthday with me on jan 13th and she said she would. I ended up calling her the day before to see what we were going to do she asked me what time i was coming over i told her 5:30pm she then tells me she had made plans with a friend for 7 so that was not going to work out. I was floored and deeply hurt. She said i could come over at 8:30 if i wanted to. I told her i would as i was holding back my tears. She knew i was deeply upset. THe next day she ended up canceling her plans with that friend but never informed me of it. When i called her at 8:15 to tell her i was on my way she tells me she was heading off to bed as she was not feeling real well but i could still come over and spend the night. I was stunned......... I went there and felt like i was a lepper she barely even hugged me. The next day i could not take it anymore the pain of being shut out overwhelmed me and i broke off our relationship or what was left of it.

    I am sitting here today so down and depressed trying to figure my life out. It sucks to realize i have no one there for me. I have 2 friends in this whole world and one of those has not talked to me in months even though i have tried to contact him many times. The other one is his sister who just so happened to confess her adoration of me in a romantic way on tuesday so that situation i am trying to sift through. There is so much and my head is spinning. I have hit the local bar hard this week geting drunk every night to try to dull all of this madness but it has not helped. I need someone to talk to someone who understands this tormented life i live.

  • jgnat

    You don't seem to be doing that bad. Everyone strikes out once in a while. What separates people with backbone from those who are doormats is recognizing when something is no longer good for them and having the courage to walk away. You clung too long. Not the worst thing in the world. All you gotta do is start over.

    Focus on your assets. That will keep you from appearing clingy and needy.

  • akafreelife

    I have to see her today to get the rest of my things that i still had at her house. I dont know how to face her and not fall apart i still love her deeply.

  • whathappened

    I am so sorry to hear this happened to you.

    I am also sorry to tell you that I am not hopeful for this relationship.

    When we women love a man, or even "think" we could love a man, we hold him close and as tight as we can. We make room for him in our lives and put him first. Holidays and his birthday are opportunities for us to show you how much we love you. They are a big deal.

    Dont listen to what she says, it is how she acts that show her true feelings. Isn't that true with you men also?

    Stop drinking, as that may be the problem. Women don't want a man who is a problem drinker. We want to be first in your life.

    There is a gal out there for go find her. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look where women are, at the mall, the library, the grocery store.

    Best wishes for you and please let us know how you are doing.

  • akafreelife

    Well i am not much of a drinker to begin with that shouldn't be the problem. I may have had a 12 pack all of last year. I am on the same page as you though whathappened i figured i should be a priority in a relationship not the last thing thought of. i realized that i would not take priority over her kids but i thought i should be up close to the top of the to do list. Thank you for the kind words

  • jgnat

    I hope the collection of your things remains uneventful. See if you can hold back your puppy-dog eyes for a couple hours.

    Over the long haul, I have high hopes that you will overcome any social awkwardness you feel you have.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hi, like you said things changed after her trip away to Chicago, so, did she meet someone else, or get a new taste for freedom? I think it's true that her actions are speaking louder than her words, she should have had the courage to tell you that her feelings have changed, it would've been fairer to you. Sadly words are cheap, and actually meaningless, unless there are actions that match them.

    You now need to build up your self esteem again because its taken a battering to some extent. Speak frankly to the lady about how you're feeling and be clear that you deserve better, because you really do. Then take steps and be proactive about meeting and making new friends. Not all with the goal of romance either, find out what you can get involved in within your community for a start. If you start dating again don't pin all your hopes for a big future until enough time has passed so that you're both sure. Make it a goal to LIKE a person, their values, their hopes, their traits etc before you think about loving.

    Its time that you see yourself as someone valuable, and until you do it's unlikely that others will value you either, because they'll pick up on your poor estimation of yourself. Maybe you need some counselling following the experience of the WTBS? That could help you to regain a sense of your own value. I wish you luck, stick around and update us, the support will surely help you.

    Loz x

  • mouthy

    My advice to you Is first of all PRAY about your situation. Ask Jesus Christ to come into your life.
    Secondly,forget the lady!!!! she is not what you need.
    Love covers a multitude of sin. I LOVED my Hubby more than anything in the world,
    ( except when I was a JW it was the organization I loved) I put up with beating, etc...But I LOVED HIM!!!

    So what ever she doesnt like about YOU!!!! She is not honest enough to tell you


  • ABibleStudent

    akafreelife - . . . I was dating a girl recently and I really fucked it up i think. I was feeling so alone and like such a island in the sea of humanity that I immedatly latched onto her and maybe smothered that relationship. . . .

    Hi akafreelife, I'm sorry that you are feeling a little low now, so get out of your home and go meet new friends. If you feel that you may have smothered your girlfriend, then you probably did. Also, you don't seem that socially awkward. You just need to practise meeting strangers, asking them simply questions, and getting to know them.

    What do you like to do? What makes you happy when you do it? Figure out want you want from life and you may find someone who likes to do the same things and you will be attracted to them or that you would want to be friends with them.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    This is a universal human feeling. I have been there. Some times we can't be cool and sophisticated. Altho I feels so painful now, it offers you the real hope of a truly loving relationship in the near future. Give yourself some time to grieve.

    When relationships develop quickly, they seem to end quickly. I would try to pace the next relationship. We all know that feeling of feeling blissful in a new person. You can't know anyone within two weeks. Be grateful you did not marry her.

    This is all great advice. Have I done it? No. So you are human.True intimacy generally takes time to develop.

    Counselors suggest never revealing yourself to someone new. You start sharing very small stuff and see the feedback.

    I used to think men were scroundels. My gfs could be immoral and venal towards men.

    My remark is that God or the force must really want us to be in relationships b/c we keep trying despite heartbreak.

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