Son returned home nad full speed ahead with all the jw stuff... (page 2)

happytobefree

I say quick fighting with them. Set some serious Boundaries.

You are the main provider...so make sure the bills are paid, savings is taking care. Make sure the wife and kids are in a safe environment. But if your wife want anything outside of those provisions...she will have to save from the budget you give her or look for a job.

Support your wife and your grown son being a JW. Don't discourage anything...if they are use to you disagreeing...this will get their attention. And what I mean by support...do not have any JW debates...that's what they want. I would engage with them lovingly on everything...but it they bring up religous discussions...just tell them that you do not want to discuss it. As adults we should have the right to believe however we want...but we must pay the cost to support it.

If the minor children have any hobbies or interest, please make sure they are able to indulge themselve in the activities and this will give you an outlet to take your mind off of the religious stuff. Believe me children having fun will definitely trump going to a KH.

Take this time to get know what you want...work on you. You want to take up an hobby, you want to take a vacation, you want to improve your education. Make this about you...not your family.

I suggest counseling...but start with yourself first...get clear on what you want. Then ask the wife if she wants....

But the focus should be on you and taking care of your family (those who want to work within your boundaries)

moshe

Good luck on a solution here. Unfortunately, kicking the can down the road and hoping for the best didn't work out. I see a strong tendency for people to avoid a confrontation with JW relatives, children and spouses - and more times than not, it ends up kicking them in the ass later.

Incognito

Ruderedhead had some valid and useful points, especially for you to change your focus to do something you enjoy and regularly look forward to.

If you were to 'cave' as you put it, would you be at peace with yourself? Doing the wrong things, even for the right reasons, could place you in a position where you are in conflict with yourself.

I didn't see anyone mention you obtaining support for you. There is no shame in this and doesn't mean anything negative about you. Sometimes a person needs someone with no emotional attachement to listen and to acknowledge the person's situation.

Often, a few unjudgmental questions asked by a therapist can prompt the person to think about matters in a differnent way which may reduce some of the tension being experinced. A therapist can often recomend books or excercises which may further help the person to look at matters from a different perspective.

Edit: I now see that happytobefree has also suggested counceling, in the time I was thinking about what to say.

OnTheWayOut

I don't have complete understanding of your situation, so I won't pretend I know what you should do.

But, I have read that sometimes the closest people are too close to be the ones to try to get someone out.

One suggestion is that you can make crystal clear that you love your 21 year old no matter what he does, no matter what he believes. You don't have to constantly try to get him out. You can try to be normal and "everyday" in your relationship, and not discuss religious matters. My dad never said anything about JW's to me and I knew he hated my being there. We have a better relationship today because he waited patiently.

I suggest you read the Steve Hassan books, all three. COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL, RELEASING THE BONDS, FREEDOM OF MIND.

I don't personally subscribe to the team of family and friends attempting to confidentially work together to free a JW. It is essentially right but I feel that someone might blow it and tell the person what they are doing. Still, each person can learn how to better reach a cult member by reading these books and there might be a couple of people in the family to confide in and ask for a bit of help.

ABibleStudent

marriedtoajw - No biblestudent i have yet to read any of steve hassans stuff although it has been recomended to me before. I would like to ask anyone who has read his books how they helped.

Hi marriedtoajw, Yes I have read Steve Hassan's book "Combatting Cult Mind Control". It did help me to understand that I was right that there was something terribly wrong with the WTBTS and that the WTBTS is a DANGEROUS CULT. I wrote the following three threads about Steve Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control" book:

I was going to read Steve Hassan's book "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", but it seemed pointless since the only JW who I cared deeply for is "Spiritually Strong" (brain dead) and was able to convince herself that I was wrong for her because I was not a JW (and never would be).

I have moved on and sometimes take breaks from posting on JWN, because I feel sad and helpless when I read some people's personal struggles with being a JW. When I do post, I feel like only posting on threads welcomimg new members to awaken and helping members who may benefit from reading Steve Hassan's books. I do feel good that it seems like more JWs are awakening. I hope and pray that more JWs will awaken - especiallly after 2014!!

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

MrFreeze

You can try your best to combat it but with all that JW family you are outnumbered. Good luck to you in trying to free your son from the WT's grasp.

notjustyet

I think the core problem jws had, have, is that we did not have any critical thinking skills or we did not process the decision whether or not to join the jws through the critical thinking blender, as it were.

Is there a way to ask your son if he could help you grasp a new teaching skill set that you are working on becoming proficient at, that being how to think critically.

Possibly there is a major decision in your life that you could use as a reason to be interested in looking into this prior to deciding.

Maybe you could see if he could research it alone and get back with you about it, not sure the best way to get him involved but I do think that unless someone knows how to think critically it is more difficult to make that leap out of the jws.

Check out YouTube for some great videos on "critical thinking"

Also highly recommend Stevens Hassans Combatting cult mind control as it will let you know what the jws are doing to him to bring him in deeper.

You can also consult with Mr Hassan via phone and he can take all your sons info etc what he is experiencing and give you the best advice on how to proceed. 15 months ago I did it for my wife, she is out with me now. The initial charge was 100 us for 45 minutes and you get the info about your son to him in advance so he can look it over before getting on the phone with you.

The bad thing about trying to get someone out of a cult is that if you say the wrong thing you can drive them in a little deeper so I think that everything you can do to prepare is worth it's weight in gold.

Give it a thought and hope all goes well with you and your family.

NJY

snare&racket

If your son is smart enough and rational, why not sit him down and say it is important to know that what we are doing is true. If this religion is true then you would have to join it also. Ask him if you can both study and research the religion and the bible together. A jw can say no or yes. I have used this myself, the one who said yes no longer believes it either, we went to museums, all sorts. The one that said yes initially and no when they didnt like the answers is still a jw but no longer judges me for not being one and seems to be struggling with his beliefs.

Simple, honest and fair.

snare&racket

Ps if he says no, tell him that he cant take your other children along to a belief system that one can neither research or examine. Tell him that is dangerous. Tell him it saddens you that he chooses to do so, but that you still love him and respect his desicion.

My guess however is that he will jump at the opportunity to 'research' the truth wilth you. Its a floor in the JW system, they want younto join, so you have an open access to discuss it and syudy it. You can be smart andnbring your own evidence and questions. This site, jw facts and watchtower quotes are all places to get endless evidence against the JWs and a high school science book and a trip to the countries biggest/best natural history museum is all you need to prove they lie a lot. Your son can see neanderthals, dinosaurs, homo-erectus, himself. Its a very powerful wake up call..

all the best, never give up x

snare

Son returned home nad full speed ahead with all the jw stuff...

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