I am new here and need help...or just a listening ear

by Fallingaway 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • etna

    Welcome falling away,

    Hope you find some answers, we worry and think where else shall we go, but it is a CULT. You should have gone to the police, no-one and I really mean no-one should be abused. Keep esearching and asking questions, but look things up for yourself and check and re=check them. On this board you will find love and support, it has definitely help me.


  • SkyGreen

    Dear dear sister, i dont even know you but I want to give you a hug

    I too have 2 small children and a husband (albeit not an elder, but a former MS) still in as well as most of both our families. Take it slow and gentle with the husband, you might get somewhere. But respect free choice.

    I told my husband my doubts and that I can no longer in good conscience share in the ministry. I continue to go to some meetings with him and the kids, and allow him to teach them "the truth", but I do not instigate anything. If he brings things up, I am honest.

    f things carry on, as my children grow older and perhaps are considering baptism, I will give them more information from "the other side" I will also not oppose them in extracurricular activities (sports outside of school etc) and I honestly dont think their Dad will either.

    As others have said, there is no need to make some sudden obvious stand, take your time love. Just love your family and follow your conscience.

    Love, SkyGreen

  • cantleave

    Fallingaway, focus on your children. Don't allow them to become another generation caught up in the lies of this disgusting cult. My only regret is that our kids suffered 9 and 7 years of it. Your children are worth more than any conditional friendship or relationship. Get Out as fast as you can!!!!

  • Vanderhoven7

    Welcome to the forum FA. I am thankful that you have a family that love you. In times of confusion it is good to remember too that you are loved by both Father and Son. Jesus says "Come unto me, all you who are burdened (with doubts, fears, troubles) and I (Jesus) will give you rest. May you see your prayers answered and your family intact throughout your struggles till you are all free of this harmful counterfeit of Christianity.


  • jhine

    I have never been a witness but due to family being in the org. I developed an interest and feel a calling as a Christian to try to witness to witnesses who live locally . I have studied a lot of witness theology and their literature . I have not had time to read thoroughly all the repy's posted so I appologise if I repeat what someone else has said . The main thing that conviced me of the wrong teaching of the W .T was their booklet "SHOULD YOU BELIEVE IN THE TRINITY " I looked up for myself the works of the Early Church Fathers quoted and found that the quotes given had been carefully doctored to make them say the opposite to what the writers were actually saying . The Early Church Fathers did believe in the Trinity and the word is used in their writings long before the W.T say it was coined . I believe that after some Witnesses ( including Randy Watters , who started Free MInds ) found out the con then they did publish another book backpedalling from the first . There our now some excellent articals online exposing all of the misquotes and misinformation in the book Maybe you could examine this in depth and ask yourself and your husband why "the truth " tells so many lies to uphold it's teachings . I cannnot give practical advise as to how to fade , but I do know that God is answering the prayers of people in your situation by prompting people like me and others more knowledgeable to witness to the witnesses ! I , and I am sure , many others will pray for you

    God bless your search for truth

  • Fernando

    A warm welcome Fallingaway!

    I pray for you and yours may fall ever deeper into the full Good News as you continue to fall away from religion.

    The full Good News is an amazingly beautiful map hidden in plain sight in scripture which anyone (except Pharisaic religionists) can find and follow. It leads to healing, answers, freedom, reconciliation with God and profound insights for ordinary persons.

    There is hope for a much better future for you and your loving family.

    Greetings and blessings


    South East Queensland, Australia

    Ex-Watchtower mid-2009 after 3 generations and more than 4 decades.

    (Why do followers of the Watchtower religion call themselves “publishers of the Good News” whilst unfamiliar with the “Good News” according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?)

  • Fallingaway

    Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I am in the midst of flip flopping my reading between Ray Franz's book COC and Steve Hassan's latest Freedom of Mind. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea that this organization I've been in my entire life is a cult. But I see the signs and it makes sense.

    Of course since it is all so ingrained in me I can't help the twinges of guilt at reading what I "shouldn't be" and a large part of me wants to continue to bury my doubts and ignore them as I always have because living in denial was so much easier than accepting that I have been lied to and controlled without my knowing it.

    Now the real question is how do I feed this information to my husband and preserve my family and young children?

    On another note a close relative stopped meetings and service quite a while ago and left an unhappy marriage at the same time. This person wants to do the right thing and free their ex-mate (who is still a jw) if and when the time comes and they find an individual that will contribute to their happiness. But this person is finding that the only way to do this is to be DA'd or DF'd. They have come to terms with their family possibly shunning them, but cannot abide by the high likelihood of my husband telling my children they cannot associate with them anymore. My children are as close to this family member as they are to me. It will most definitely break their hearts to not be able to see this person anymore. I have never agreed with the shunning aspect of JW's...I would love to break away with my family along with me before they start to become broken by this.

  • joyfulfader

    It is so sad that a label, a mere word cast upon another person can divide families and hurt innocent people. As was brought out on another thread a while back, it's not the ACTIONS of a person but that LABEL thrust upon them without option that causes divisions. Without those words, so many families would stay intact and fewer people would suffer the unavoidable, ensuing mental anguish that is certain to happen. Jesus would have never acted in this way. Period.

  • TweetieBird

    Hi Fallingaway and welcome. I have not read all of the other comments so if someone else touched on this, I apologize.

    I remember a few years ago reading a post by a brother that was able to get his whole family out. Here is the link, maybe you will find some information helpful.


    You seem to have a good relationship with your husband who may be awakening to the truth about "the truth". It's a long journey ahead of you, take it slow. This is a safe place for you to come and share your feelings. Most of the people here have been where you are now so you will gets lots of advice and information.

    What got me through the first few years was going to the meetings and trying to find positive, uplifting scriptures to help me through the day. What I didn't have was the guilt of never measuring up so that helped.

    The last time I stepped foot in a KH was last year for the memorial (hadn't been for a couple of years prior to that). My awakening began in 1997 and I can just now admit to family members that I no longer attend meetings. Most of them do not associate or communicate with us any longer but that's okay. I have my husband and children so that is what is important to me.

    Hope this helps.


  • ABibleStudent

    Fallingaway - Now the real question is how do I feed this information to my husband and preserve my family and young children?

    Hi Fallingaway, Don't feed him any information until he starts telling you that he has doubts and then just ask him simple questions. Do not confront your husband or children about being JWs!!

    I recommend that you take this approach. If you believe in Steve Hassan's BITE model and that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult, then if your husband had more time to think for himself wouldn't he be able to see the WTBTS for what it is?

    When you go to WTBTS conventions, search for hotels that are not promoted by the WTBTS and with nicer accommdations for the same or lower price. I would recommend using www.travelzoo.com or www.priceline.com to make reservations. Consider it a mini-vacation from the WTBTS and JWs.

    Start making new friends with people, who are not JWs, your husband might have similiar interests with, and may have children the same age as yours. Always encourage your children to make play dates with children who you like and like their parents. If your husband questions you about this, say that you want some alone time with him to have fun and not pay for sitters. Getting to know good people who you and your husband like will help you form a support network, if you are both DF'ed or DA'ed and will help awaken your husband.

    Encourage your husband to take on more WTBTS responsibilities, if he feels that it is important for him, while you meet more non-JWs and have fun. Your husband will awaken quickier if he sees you as being happy and having fun, while the WTBTS continues to whip him.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


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