I am new here and need help...or just a listening ear

by Fallingaway 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you've been ill treated in the congregation. So many have, its so sad. The WTBS has proven itself to be a false Christ/religion, I know that may be shocking to hear but when you continue to research you will find it to be a fact. This is why your prayers are leading you out. A governing body member felt the same and wrote a book "Crisis of Conscience" which has helped so many of us. You will need to be careful, as you realise, in helping your husband to break out. Questions are good, they will make him think, and you can't be punished for having questions. I would suggest you reduce your association with the WTBS as much as you can while you think and research and pray. Use whatever excuses you need. JWFacts is a brilliant resource site for info if you need more. My thought and prayers are with you.

    Loz x

  • NVR2L8


  • Balaamsass

    Welcome! Our hearts go out to you.

    Everyone here has been through some of what your are experiencing. The questions for us were: "Why is it wise to examine your religion?", "What kind of fruitage does the Watchtower Society produce?" Is Watchtower closer to the Pharasees or Jesus in attitude and teachings?.

    Read, Read, Read. Crises of Conscience" by Ray Franz. Websites: JW Facts, JW survey, Watchtower Documents, Marvin Shimmer Blogspot.

    Show kindness to your family. Arrange activities and day trips for Sundays. Natural History Museums, etc to get there minds engaged. Turn on Nat Geo, Discovery, PBS, and History TV to help them break free from 17th century cult thinking.

    Be patient, kind, and discreet.

    Hugs from the Mrs and I.

  • flipper

    FALLING AWAY- I'm sorry you've been experiencing the tension associated with freeing your mind and it's a challenging process of re-gaining your human critical thinking ability that's been stolen from you by the WT Society. Keep on researching the Internet and getting answers - aside - from JW publications as it will give you a more well rounded view and access to information. Please know that we are here for you and many of us have had to do this as well as we exited the Witnesses. We will be here as a support for you my friend. Hang in there, things will get better in time. Peace out and a hearty welcome to the board ! Look forward to hearing more from you. Be careful with revealing TOO much to your husband as being an elder he may feel his allegiance is first and foremost to the WT organization- not you or your mind. Good luck to you

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Dear FallingAway, Welcome ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

    You sound like your gut feelings, and intuitions, are alive and well. Great!

    I found it takes time to revert back to normal thinking, after being, "Zombe-fied". lol

    This is still, a relative new journey for me as well. I read the forbidden book (hey, I'm a grown woman. Shouldn't I be able to read what I want and draw my own conclusions?...Isn't that, what we are instructed to say/tell to householders?) by Raymond Franz, "Crisis of Conscience". Yikes. A forbidden book. I cautiously read a page. OK. Another. OK. Ray writes like an older, humble man, giving his insightful, invaluable look, on a subject dear to all of our hearts. The inner workings of the WTB&TS.

    Why do you think the Society tells us not to question our religion?

    If you went to a restaurant and out back in the alley, there were stacked high, enpty boxes for Frozen-Microwaveable food, made with manmade chemical additives, with not one sign of a fresh produce box in sight, and yet the sign out front said, all food, freshly cooked on premises from scratch, do you think they want their paying customers/marks, to question...is this really so? I do not think so. You might even get to prefer their brand of food. Excessive salt, sugar, chemicals and fats, can be made to be tasty, but not healthy. And, you went to this particular restaurant, because...you...believed...them...that you would be fed, quality, life sustaining food. You put in the time, but did not get what you paid for.

    I believe that is where you are at. You've seen, outback, in the alley. No mistaking it. No fresh, long time, sustaining food, being cooked up in their kitchen. Your husband still likes to eat there, several times a week. Your trying to tell him, Honey, they lied to us. There is nobody chopping up veggies, making things from scratch in there. But it has become routine with him. Now one of your children really likes their brand of food too. What are you going to do?

    That is why, dear FallingAway, you are here.

    Nobody will lie to you, here. If someone writes something, odd to you, there is every kind of research tool, here at your finger tips, to see, if it really is so.

    As Judge Judy says in her book, "Don't Pee On Me and Tell Me It's Raining". lol

    Enjoy your journey finding the real truth. Take time with your husband & children, to smell the roses of life.

    You do not want to burn out. Children need their baths, quiet time, bed time. Couples need their baths, quiet time, love time. Not getting dressed up, to go to another sales pitch meeting. If you were normal, (as in JW's lives are not normal) how would you plan your week-ends, vacation times? Just writing this, thinking about this, I can feel the stress fall away from me. How about you?

    Looking forward to hearing more from you,

    Just Lois

  • problemaddict

    Welcome FA,

    I think some of the women here or abuse victims can probably help you better than I can. But as someone who is new to not being at meetings, I am still a little closer to where you are at than many here. Also, i am trying to fade with my wife and friendships in tact. So far so good. :)

    From a female perspective however I can see where it would be more difficult. If your husband got upset with you just saying him doing skydiving or whatever it was would be fine, well wait until he knows what you really think that you haven't even shared here yet. For me it was blood, then it was the fact that if i acted in accord with my conscience with blood, that I could be disfellowshipped. then it became the fact that a communal shunning program was there for me as punishment if i didn't agree with everything currently believed even though it was all subject to revision at any time by those running the show. Then I got a first hand trip at the hand of some Pharisaical elders when I just had a discussion with someone regarding overlapping generations. I was lambasted, dragged in and out of commitees, and treated in such a disrespectful way it isn't even funny.

    But it can nver be about your personal treatment in my opinion. You have to try to follow your conscience based on what you believe and for good reasons for you to believe it. That is key. So stick around. Vent when you want. Get specific with some questions and how to deal with things when you go. You will get alot of opinions, but more importantly, support for your journey, whatever it may be.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    We're coming out of the JW world where we're told what to think, do, and believe. Once you realize that their "spiritual paradise" is a sham, there are no easy answers for the real questions in life. How do you get out of the JW cult? Can you keep your family? Should you still believe the Bible? Will you still believe in God?

    You'll find a lot of different opinions and experiences here. The first step is to take the time to think, plan, get to know yourself and what you want out of life. Think about your options and look for opportunities. Remember, you don't have to be in a huge hurry and rush any decisions, it's not like armageddon is coming tomorrow.

  • ABibleStudent

    Fallingaway - My husband and I have two small children, one of which recently became an unbaptised publisher and joined the school. My husband is an elder and firmly committed to our family and loves me deeply as I love him. I would like to find a way for all of us to fade away as we have family in the organization that we do not want to lose.

    Welcome Fallingaway to JWN and I'm sorry about your experiences as a JW - especially being molested!!

    You came to the right place for emotional support and to learn how to help your husband so that you can fade together as a family. I would suggest that you read Steve Hassen's books ( "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones to Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Organizations"), visiting Steve Hassan's website, visiting websites like JWfacts, reading threads like " Progress ( I think? ) in helping my wife to see the "truth" by stuckinamovement or 'The BEST way to "wake up" a JW', asking your husband to have a bible study night every week without reading from the WTBTS propagand, and posting regularly for emotional support and additional ideas to help your husband awaken. If you owns a Kindle or iPad, you could buy the "Freedom of Mind" (Steve Hassan's latest book) as an e-book on Amazon.com.

    Although reading Raymond Franz's books (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom") are good books for JWs to see what is wrong with the WTBTS, I do not believe that it is as helpful as learning ways to overcome the BITE control techniques that the WTBTS uses on JWs and recruits.

    Is there a statue of limitations for child molestation where you were living when it occurred to you? If you are successfully able to fade, you might want to contact Candace Conti's lawyer, Rick Simons: Office - 510-582-1080 Ext. 19; [email protected], about filing a suit against the WTBTS. You should read the thread "Greetings from Candace Conti" to learn more about Candace Conti's successful litigation.

    Best of Wishes for you and your family to leave the WTBTS as a family together.

    Peace be with you and your friend and everyone, who you love,


    P.S. - If your husband does agree to a home bible study, ask how he feels about the following scriptures?

    John 6:60-70 (1984 NIV)
    Many Disciples Desert Jesus

    60 On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

    61 Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? 62 Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! 63 The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit [e] and life. 64 Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65 He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”

    66 From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

    67 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

    68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

    70 Then Jesus replied, “Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!” 71 (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.)

    Mathew 7:15-20 (1984 NIV)
    True and False Prophets

    15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

  • EdenOne

    Welcome, FA

    Your story is unfortunately very common here, the doubts and preplexities you face many of us here have faced before or are still facing. It's not easy to be here and chose to remain a Witness, but the upside of being here is that you gain perspective and it may help you to take a more informed decision whether to stay or to leave. There are some great people in this forum, and their personal qualities are evident, regardless of the fact of what they think of the "organization" or the JW's altogether. Take everything with a grain of salt and weigh your options carefully. It's not easy to be in your situation, the feeling of being a "hypocrite" can be overwhelming at times. Hang in there and thread carefully.


  • smiddy

    Welcome FA

    You have gotten some good sound advise from many on this board than I could give you, except one , stay tuned to this board , you will learn more here about the" truth" in one month than 30 years going to a Kingdom Hall .And I invite you to challenge what I have said here .

    Good fortune on your journey .


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