Dear FallingAway, Welcome ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
You sound like your gut feelings, and intuitions, are alive and well. Great!
I found it takes time to revert back to normal thinking, after being, "Zombe-fied". lol
This is still, a relative new journey for me as well. I read the forbidden book (hey, I'm a grown woman. Shouldn't I be able to read what I want and draw my own conclusions?...Isn't that, what we are instructed to say/tell to householders?) by Raymond Franz, "Crisis of Conscience". Yikes. A forbidden book. I cautiously read a page. OK. Another. OK. Ray writes like an older, humble man, giving his insightful, invaluable look, on a subject dear to all of our hearts. The inner workings of the WTB&TS.
Why do you think the Society tells us not to question our religion?
If you went to a restaurant and out back in the alley, there were stacked high, enpty boxes for Frozen-Microwaveable food, made with manmade chemical additives, with not one sign of a fresh produce box in sight, and yet the sign out front said, all food, freshly cooked on premises from scratch, do you think they want their paying customers/marks, to question...is this really so? I do not think so. You might even get to prefer their brand of food. Excessive salt, sugar, chemicals and fats, can be made to be tasty, but not healthy. And, you went to this particular restaurant, because...you...believed...them...that you would be fed, quality, life sustaining food. You put in the time, but did not get what you paid for.
I believe that is where you are at. You've seen, outback, in the alley. No mistaking it. No fresh, long time, sustaining food, being cooked up in their kitchen. Your husband still likes to eat there, several times a week. Your trying to tell him, Honey, they lied to us. There is nobody chopping up veggies, making things from scratch in there. But it has become routine with him. Now one of your children really likes their brand of food too. What are you going to do?
That is why, dear FallingAway, you are here.
Nobody will lie to you, here. If someone writes something, odd to you, there is every kind of research tool, here at your finger tips, to see, if it really is so.
As Judge Judy says in her book, "Don't Pee On Me and Tell Me It's Raining". lol
Enjoy your journey finding the real truth. Take time with your husband & children, to smell the roses of life.
You do not want to burn out. Children need their baths, quiet time, bed time. Couples need their baths, quiet time, love time. Not getting dressed up, to go to another sales pitch meeting. If you were normal, (as in JW's lives are not normal) how would you plan your week-ends, vacation times? Just writing this, thinking about this, I can feel the stress fall away from me. How about you?
Looking forward to hearing more from you,