i called a therpist today any advice

by unstopableravens 43 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • mamochan13

    Excellent, Ravens. Therapy can do amazing things. Good advice here so far. I would add that if you feel things aren't working after a session or two, don't be afraid to get a second opinion - in other words, a different counsellor. Sometimes personalities don't mesh well, so you have to keep trying until you get the right one. Don't give up on counselling, though.

    Also, try to avoid the tendency to highlight anything the counsellor suggests that might apply to your wife. Keep it self-reflective and apply what you learn to yourself. Model that attitude after each session, i.e. "today I learned that I should work to be better at xxx etc." or "I'm going to try and follow the counsellor's suggestion in xxx" You can also say things like, "I thought the counsellor had a great idea about us working on xxx. What do you think?"

    Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

  • unstopableravens

    mamo ,so you mean i cant tell her that she wrong and im right?joking, yeah im glad you said that i have to keep that im mind,so hopefully she does the same.i dont know why but i would rather talk to a chick instead of a dude. do you think it makes a differance when it comes to what wifey will listen to?

  • mamochan13

    Ravens - I don't think gender makes a huge difference. In counselling, though, we are drawn to the professional who reinforces our own personal beliefs about what we think is wrong. ESpecially in couples counselling - both husband and wife want to go into that room and be told that they are in the right. It takes great courage to hear something negative or unflattering about onesself.

    But counselling is all about gaining self-insight. It's hard to say what your wife might listen to, but the important thing is - if the counsellor can help you understand yourselves better, to get a glimpse into why you each do the things you do to each other, you will stand a better chance of being able to sort out your problems. If you focus on what you personally stand to gain from the experience and look for ways your new insight can help you make positive changes, counselling will work very well for you.

    WE cannot change another person. We can only change ourselves. But in the process of changing ourselves, we no longer interact with others in the same way. When we change, our loved ones need to learn new ways to manage the relationship. They must also change and adapt - so we do, in effect, influence their change.

  • unstopableravens

    okay, i understand. i think my first appointment is next saturday. i think thats like a introduction or something.

  • Fed-up

    Hey UnstoppableRavens...

    Good for you man. Big step. I went to one 4 years ago. Best decision I've made for myself in a long time.

    My advice. Be honest. With your therapist and with yourself. And trust. Your therapist and yourself.

    Oh, and if it just doesn't click (like you're still not comfortable with the therapist you have after a few sessions) find another.

    You're going to have to share a lot of personal stuff, if you're not comfortable with the person, you can be neither honest or


    Don't expect miracles. The therapy doesn't happen during the session, it happens as you diligently apply what you learn It took a long time for your thinking and action to get where they are, and it will take a while to relearn what you need to. Sadly, I think most JW's are mentally ill. Its true. JW's are taught they are loathed and that somehow makes god love them more or something. Very twisted. Makes for perpetual victims. Victims live to be mistreated...

    Be specific about what you see is wrong and what you think needs to change.

    Oh, one of the biggest things in my case was realizing I had a heart and brain. I didn't need to be told by WTS how to feel and what to think.

    Trust your gut, man.


  • unstopableravens

    fed up first, i like you picture ,its alot cooler than mine,second thanks for tips,i plan on pouring out my feelings, i think i will only get out what i put in so thats my outlook.

  • thecrushed

    Unstopableravens we are in similar situations. I'd love to talk with you sometime Pm me and I'll give you my skype info. I went to a few sessions with a therapist myself and when my wife found out she demanded to know exactly what it was concerning. She flipped out on me and insisted all I need to do is go talk to the elders. I swear the Jdubs are terrified of psychologists!

  • PSacramento

    Therapy is a excellent step BUT realize that you only get out of it what you put into it.

    It is important that your wife realize that you are doing this for BOTH of you, that you are doing this to get closer to her, not further away.

    Reassure her of your love for her and your devotion to the marriage.

    When you are ready and your therapist agrees, you can bring her but for now it is important that you deal with YOUR issues.

    Whatever you do, be 100% HONEST with your therapist.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I received some flak when I told some dubs I was going to a therapist. The usual banter about how they manipulate patients blah blah blah, turn me against Jehovah etc etc. My only answer was that if I have an a spiritual question, then that's what the elders are here for. Issues regarding mental health are best left for a professional. Should I call the elders wehn I break my leg?

  • unstopableravens

    the crushed: ill hit you up! ps:i agree bro im not going in wanting my wifey to straightin up. i want her to see christ in me, for her to be a christian is something yhahweh is going to have to do. i just want the therapy to help us deal with our emotions and to help us be close in our situation, because for now its not gonna change. so we need to still be a good couple! and wha happened, your right except you can go to the elders for a bible question there not quilfied for that either,but your point is good,there logic sucks.

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