Thanks Mr Freeze...
Here's a cute joke...
by ohiocowboy 46 Replies latest social humour
it is kind of wrong, huh?
Good jokes, everyone! Please keep 'em coming! Thanks!
Here's a JW joke. One Saturday morning, the doorbell rang, and the homeowner, Frank, opened the door. The JW introduced himself as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and the homeowner invites him in. "Come in and sit down" he says, and then asks "So what do you want to talk about"? The JW looks at the homeowner and says, "The heck if I know, I've never gotten this far before"!!!
Here's a couple more...
Q: Why don't JW's die in earthquakes?
A: Because they're always in your doorway!
A man went to a pet shop and purchased a parrot. Apparently, the parrot had belonged to a Jehovah’s Witness because it kept repeating, “Read the Watchtower and Awake! Avoid wordly associations! The end of this system of things is near!” Squawk.
The new owner of the bird attempted to add new vocabulary to the parrot’s repertoire with books on tape and contemporary music, but as the months went by it became obvious that nothing he did could get the bird to say anything else. The parrot continued to repeat the standard catch phrases of the Watch Tower Society and nothing else.
The owner eventually became frustrated and infuriated, and in a fit of violent anger, he threw the parrot across the room.
The parrot smashed against the wall, and slid down to the floor, at which point the parrot immediately started squawking:
“No Blood! No Blood! No Blood!”
What's the difference between Elmo and a Catholic priest?
What do you call a door to door vacuum salesman?
A talking gorilla walks into a bar. Bartender walks up to him and asks what he'd like. Gorilla says "Whiskey on the rocks". Gorilla lays down a 20 dollar bill. Bartender takes the money and goes to get him his drink. Bartender thinks to himself "He's just a gorilla. He doesn't know anything about the prices of drinks." He puts the drink and the money in front of the gorilla.
Bartender says, "You know, we don't get many talking gorillas around here." Gorilla replies "Yeah, at $19.85 a drink you ain't gonna see me around here either."
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and go to buy a bottle of whiskey. The clerk says "Hey, you are both nuns. You aren't supposed to be drinking that stuff!" One of the nuns replies "It isn't for us. It is for Mother Superior! She's constipated." Clerk says "Oh, in that case, you can have the bottle free of charge." Nuns thank him and leave.
Two hours later the clerk is driving by the church and in front of it he sees the nuns passing the bottle back and forth. Clerk says "Sisters! You should be ashamed of yourselves! You said it was for Mother Superior's constipation!" Nuns reply "It is! She's sure gonna s**t when she sees us!"
It was an elderly woman's 100th birthday. Her three sons decided to go all out for this one and get her really nice gifts but they live on the other side of the country so they had them shipped to her.
One son bought her a state of the art stereo system. One son bought her a fancy sports car. The third son knows she is a devout Baptist who reads the Bible every day so he spends $10,000 on a parrot that can recite any verse of the Bible on command.
A week after she gets the gifts, the sons all call to ask how she's been enjoying the gifts. The first son asks how she is enjoying the stero system. She says "Oh, it was very thoughtful of you to get me that nice stereo but I can't very well and the neighbors complain if I turn it up loud enough so I can hear it." Second son asks her how she is enjoying the car. She says "Oh, it is a lovely car but I can't see very well any more so it isn't safe for me to drive."
Third son asks her how she was enjoying the bird. She said "Oh, that chicken you gave me was so delicious!"
St. Peter said "you must each possess something that symbolizes
xmas to get into heaven.
The 1st man fumbled through his pocket and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on, "It represents a candle" he said. You may pass said
The 2nd man reach into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "they,er bells. You may pass my son, said Peter.
3rd man, started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women panties.
Peter lokked at the man with a rasied eyebrow and asked "and just
what do those symbolize". The man replied "these are Carols.
cult classic: A: Russell A: Matt A: Bob
What do you call a guy who has no legs and no arms water skiing?
What do you call a guy who has no legs and no arms in a hole?
What do you call a guy who has no legs and no arms nailed to the wall?
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.
forgot about those...rofl