What was the worst thing an "elder" ever did to you ?

by Pitchess Co-Gen 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    An elder set up a 'kangaroo court' with my 4 adult kids another elder and me, in the Hall after a meeting. We had all been going through some terrible times as a family...He sat me on one side and them on the other and invited them to tell me all my failings throughout their lives...

    Some of what they recounted was laughable really in hindsight, and really it was an arena for them to just let off the steam they'd collected over family issues relating to my divorce from their violent father etc, running out of issues, they dragged up stuff that had been reconciled and put to bed years before all over again. It was one of the most painful of my life.

    That experience changed us all, it didn't just break my heart and my spirit, it changed all our relationships from family ones into something completely different. I have never recovered from it really. It was such an unnatural scenario, destroying our previous ability to talk and discuss problems normally and lovingly. I remember driving to a friend's home and collapsing with grief.

    Later, some of the kids apologised confessing it was very wrong and wishing it hadn't happened. I challenged the elder afterwards that it was totally unscriptural and his defence was that my eldest son had demanded it. He claimed he thought it might help us all?

    No excuse, but whatever, the damage was done and irreparable. We have never recovered from that breach.

    Good old WTBS elders, eh?

    Loz x

  • ruderedhead
    ruderedhead

    Loz, what that elder did to you was awful! He sounds like a complete moron. The worst thing an elder did to me was when I had decided to get baptised after studying for 5 years. The woman who was studying with me was pushing me hard to get baptised, so I approached one elder. He told me he felt I wasn't ready. I was shocked, as he was approving someone who had been studying less time, and I was doing EVERYTHING they asked. But o.k. Six months later, I approached him again. He felt I wasn't ready! I was angry!And again, they were allowing people who were fairly new to get baptised. I thought these people play mind games! I'm not playing! Why didn't I leave then?! It was the perfect opportunity! The woman studying with me was very aggressive, and finally convinced me he had his reasons, my kids had friends in the congrgation, just wait on Jehovah, etc. I think it was just a power play, and I was a fool not to have simply said good-bye.

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    Thanks Ruderedhead...the elder you had issues with was a moron too, but also someone who wanted power and control. The way the reject people's applications on the basis of opinion or hearsay just defeats me. They have no compassion or feeling for the rejection issues that result. Just awful. Men attempting to be Christs with no qualifications whatsoever.

    Loz x

  • RayPublisher
    RayPublisher

    Guy Pierce once slapped me on the butt when he walked past me at Bethel- I was scarred for years!

    But seriously, some of these men have so little training and real qualifications I'm surprised there isn't worse horror stories popping up on this thread. Most are sincere but they are making it up as they go along most of the time. Many get appointed simply because their relative is an elder, or they have been around forever, etc.

    And once they are in unless they do something blatant and obviously wrong (and get caught) then they will stay in forever, despite not qualifying or being of any use sometimes, depending on the body and how liberal/wimpy they are.

    A CO we took out to eat after an assemby once said in a hushed voice to my FIL and myself (both of us elders at the time) "You know that half these guys don't qualify but we try and work with them"

  • XBEHERE
    XBEHERE

    Take me in the coat room before the Thursday night meeting with another elder and ask me if there was anything in the past or present that would disqualify me and prevent my appointment as an elder from being announced that night.

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Approved my baptism.

  • Ucantnome
    Ucantnome

    Being an elder

  • Las Malvinas son Argentinas
    Las Malvinas son Argentinas

    Spread scurrilous rumours about me when I made it clear that I wouldn't date him.

  • Iamallcool
    Iamallcool

    My elder Dad said a huge NO! for me to play basketball for my high school.

  • not bitter
    not bitter

    kiss me on the lips after my bible study

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